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-   -   The impact of infidelity on the children (https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/435377-impact-infidelity-children.html)

MattMatt 08-11-2019 07:21 AM

The impact of infidelity on the children
 
https://medium.com/live-your-life-on...t-84002f7c1d90
Quote:

I Was Seven When I Tore My Family Apart
A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.

Lila 08-11-2019 08:29 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MattMatt (Post 19947811)
https://medium.com/live-your-life-on...t-84002f7c1d90


A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.

I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.

MattMatt 08-11-2019 08:30 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lila (Post 19947835)
I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.

Except that her father was a serial cheater which caused the family problems.

ConanHub 08-11-2019 08:55 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lila (Post 19947835)
I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.

You are right. Regardless of divorce or reconciliation, however, marital strife impacts the kids.

Maybe someone will read an article like this in time to reconsider their actions.

You are spot on about everyday separation and divorce.

I get it, it's just sad.

ConanHub 08-11-2019 08:56 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
I will add that growing up in a single parent home with peace and love is a 100x better than two parents with strife.

Openminded 08-11-2019 09:38 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
I totally supported my mother when she first planned to divorce my father after he cheated but unfortunately she changed her mind and stayed. My relationship with him was never the same and I didn't feel secure in my family ever again. Not every child would react as strongly to a parent not divorcing as I did but many do. There's obviously no solution that neatly fits every circumstance.

rugswept 08-11-2019 10:08 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
my mother was a wayward woman who was drunk and partying with her BFs. she walked out on my father and the three children when I was 5 to go live with some other wayward woman who also was involved with a M man.

it took me decades to get over it. the pain of the A was stronger and more enduring.
the breakup of my family was the greatest pain until the A.

as a young child (even around 3), i knew from the fighting and the secretive conversations that "adult matters" were involved, whatever that means to a child at that time.

bandit.45 08-11-2019 10:17 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rugswept (Post 19947895)
my mother was a wayward woman who was drunk and partying with her BFs. she walked out on my father and the three children when I was 5 to go live with some other wayward woman who also was involved with a M man.

it took me decades to get over it. the pain of the A was stronger and more enduring.
the breakup of my family was the greatest pain until the A.

as a young child (even around 3), i knew from the fighting and the secretive conversations that "adult matters" were involved, whatever that means to a child at that time.

There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?

ConanHub 08-11-2019 11:03 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45 (Post 19947903)
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?

This is interesting especially if it is starting to trend.

Men have been doing this for a long time however and nurturing natures are hardly gender specific.

wilson 08-11-2019 11:23 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
I wouldn't be surprised if divorce from infidelity is much harder on kids than divorce for other reasons. If the divorce is because the parents aren't getting along anymore, the kid can externalize it as something like "They aren't getting along, but I didn't do anything wrong and they still love me." But with infidelity, the kid may feel like they were somehow responsible. Since the parent picked another person, the kid may think that their family wasn't good enough. They may think that if they were a better kid or loved the parent more, then the parent would have been happier and would not have picked someone else. Essentially, it's like the parent is being unfaithful to the kids as well as the spouse. And that's not even considering how contentious and acrimonious the parents relationship becomes after infidelity. Its just a bad situation piled on top of another bad situation.

Marduk 08-11-2019 11:40 AM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by wilson (Post 19947967)
I wouldn't be surprised if divorce from infidelity is much harder on kids than divorce for other reasons. If the divorce is because the parents aren't getting along anymore, the kid can externalize it as something like "They aren't getting along, but I didn't do anything wrong and they still love me." But with infidelity, the kid may feel like they were somehow responsible. Since the parent picked another person, the kid may think that their family wasn't good enough. They may think that if they were a better kid or loved the parent more, then the parent would have been happier and would not have picked someone else. Essentially, it's like the parent is being unfaithful to the kids as well as the spouse. And that's not even considering how contentious and acrimonious the parents relationship becomes after infidelity. Its just a bad situation piled on top of another bad situation.



And this is partly why I go mental when I hear people spout nonsense about cheating so they can stay in a marriage they’re not happy in.

CraigBesuden 08-11-2019 12:22 PM

Quote:

There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
Being divorced hurts a woman’s status. A person who allows the other parent to raise the kids isn’t looked kindly upon in the dating market.

I doubt this is a trend. I’ve never seen this among high-income, career women. It’s poor women who tend to do that.

My neighbor makes twice what her husband makes. Her sister makes about half a million a year and her husband is now a house husband. My wife makes 3.5 times what I make. She’s floated the idea of me becoming a house husband, which will never, ever happen.

None of these women would abandon their children, and their husbands provide flexibility that allows them to take those jobs.

Rocky Mountain Yeti 08-11-2019 02:43 PM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Yes, I think living with divorce due to infidelity is harder than other reasons for divorce. If it's just two people who can't live together for compatibility reasons, the kid can at least maintain respect for both parents, but when one is a cheater, that violates the relationship with the kid as well as the spouse.

I know my MIL's infidelity and the resultant destruction/divorce had a major impact on the girl who would grow up an become my wife... to the point that she was given a very negative view of sex at a young age which when subsequently augmented with other sex-negative experiences, has made it very hard for her to overcome.

It's also particularly tough to remain with the parent who blew up the marriage. You end up living with the one you know didn't care enough to support you or the family and rarely seeing the one who you thought might actually care.

Cynthia 08-11-2019 02:53 PM

Re: The impact of infidelity on the children
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45 (Post 19947903)
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.



How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?

She has been given over to a depraved mind.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

personofinterest 08-11-2019 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConanHub (Post 19947845)
I will add that growing up in a single parent home with peace and love is a 100x better than two parents with strife.

I wish I had realized this 14 years ago when I first realized things in my first marriage were never going to change. I stayed 7-8 more years, and it REALLY hurt my kids 😞


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