The impact of infidelity on the children - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 54Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 07:21 AM Thread Starter
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 27,945
The impact of infidelity on the children

https://medium.com/live-your-life-on...t-84002f7c1d90
Quote:
I Was Seven When I Tore My Family Apart
A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:29 AM
Moderator
 
Lila's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 4,737
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
https://medium.com/live-your-life-on...t-84002f7c1d90


A heartbreaking story from the child's point of view.
I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.
Lila is online now  
post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 27,945
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.
Except that her father was a serial cheater which caused the family problems.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
 
post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:55 AM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,362
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I think that title should read "divorce tore my family apart". Her experiences sound just like non-infidelity related divorces/separations.
You are right. Regardless of divorce or reconciliation, however, marital strife impacts the kids.

Maybe someone will read an article like this in time to reconsider their actions.

You are spot on about everyday separation and divorce.

I get it, it's just sad.
ConanHub is offline  
post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:56 AM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,362
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

I will add that growing up in a single parent home with peace and love is a 100x better than two parents with strife.
ConanHub is offline  
post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 09:38 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,738
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

I totally supported my mother when she first planned to divorce my father after he cheated but unfortunately she changed her mind and stayed. My relationship with him was never the same and I didn't feel secure in my family ever again. Not every child would react as strongly to a parent not divorcing as I did but many do. There's obviously no solution that neatly fits every circumstance.
Openminded is offline  
post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:08 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 57
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

my mother was a wayward woman who was drunk and partying with her BFs. she walked out on my father and the three children when I was 5 to go live with some other wayward woman who also was involved with a M man.

it took me decades to get over it. the pain of the A was stronger and more enduring.
the breakup of my family was the greatest pain until the A.

as a young child (even around 3), i knew from the fighting and the secretive conversations that "adult matters" were involved, whatever that means to a child at that time.
rugswept is offline  
post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:17 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19,434
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by rugswept View Post
my mother was a wayward woman who was drunk and partying with her BFs. she walked out on my father and the three children when I was 5 to go live with some other wayward woman who also was involved with a M man.

it took me decades to get over it. the pain of the A was stronger and more enduring.
the breakup of my family was the greatest pain until the A.

as a young child (even around 3), i knew from the fighting and the secretive conversations that "adult matters" were involved, whatever that means to a child at that time.
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
bandit.45 is offline  
post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 11:03 AM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,362
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
This is interesting especially if it is starting to trend.

Men have been doing this for a long time however and nurturing natures are hardly gender specific.
ConanHub is offline  
post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 11:23 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,853
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

I wouldn't be surprised if divorce from infidelity is much harder on kids than divorce for other reasons. If the divorce is because the parents aren't getting along anymore, the kid can externalize it as something like "They aren't getting along, but I didn't do anything wrong and they still love me." But with infidelity, the kid may feel like they were somehow responsible. Since the parent picked another person, the kid may think that their family wasn't good enough. They may think that if they were a better kid or loved the parent more, then the parent would have been happier and would not have picked someone else. Essentially, it's like the parent is being unfaithful to the kids as well as the spouse. And that's not even considering how contentious and acrimonious the parents relationship becomes after infidelity. Its just a bad situation piled on top of another bad situation.

wilson is offline  
post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 11:40 AM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,952
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by wilson View Post
I wouldn't be surprised if divorce from infidelity is much harder on kids than divorce for other reasons. If the divorce is because the parents aren't getting along anymore, the kid can externalize it as something like "They aren't getting along, but I didn't do anything wrong and they still love me." But with infidelity, the kid may feel like they were somehow responsible. Since the parent picked another person, the kid may think that their family wasn't good enough. They may think that if they were a better kid or loved the parent more, then the parent would have been happier and would not have picked someone else. Essentially, it's like the parent is being unfaithful to the kids as well as the spouse. And that's not even considering how contentious and acrimonious the parents relationship becomes after infidelity. Its just a bad situation piled on top of another bad situation.


And this is partly why I go mental when I hear people spout nonsense about cheating so they can stay in a marriage they’re not happy in.
Marduk is offline  
post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:22 PM
Member
 
CraigBesuden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 652
Quote:
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.

How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
Being divorced hurts a woman’s status. A person who allows the other parent to raise the kids isn’t looked kindly upon in the dating market.

I doubt this is a trend. I’ve never seen this among high-income, career women. It’s poor women who tend to do that.

My neighbor makes twice what her husband makes. Her sister makes about half a million a year and her husband is now a house husband. My wife makes 3.5 times what I make. She’s floated the idea of me becoming a house husband, which will never, ever happen.

None of these women would abandon their children, and their husbands provide flexibility that allows them to take those jobs.
CraigBesuden is offline  
post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 02:43 PM
Member
 
Rocky Mountain Yeti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 7,942
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Yes, I think living with divorce due to infidelity is harder than other reasons for divorce. If it's just two people who can't live together for compatibility reasons, the kid can at least maintain respect for both parents, but when one is a cheater, that violates the relationship with the kid as well as the spouse.

I know my MIL's infidelity and the resultant destruction/divorce had a major impact on the girl who would grow up an become my wife... to the point that she was given a very negative view of sex at a young age which when subsequently augmented with other sex-negative experiences, has made it very hard for her to overcome.

It's also particularly tough to remain with the parent who blew up the marriage. You end up living with the one you know didn't care enough to support you or the family and rarely seeing the one who you thought might actually care.
Rocky Mountain Yeti is offline  
post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 02:53 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Cynthia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,274
Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
There is a growing trend among women these days, especially professional women, to walk out on their husbands and kids when marriage and family are no longer as important as career and status. It is frightening. There is a woman right now working for my company who is divorcing her husband and leaving her small kids with him while she takes a new position in a city across the country.



How can a woman do that? Doesn't that go against a female's programming?
She has been given over to a depraved mind.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Standard Evidence Thread:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Cynthia is online now  
post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 04:43 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 6,889
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I will add that growing up in a single parent home with peace and love is a 100x better than two parents with strife.
I wish I had realized this 14 years ago when I first realized things in my first marriage were never going to change. I stayed 7-8 more years, and it REALLY hurt my kids 😞
personofinterest is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome