Kind of lost right now - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Kind of lost right now

So, DD was last Friday. A little bit about me. Together for 15 years, 3 kids, home, car, all your typical stuff. Always thought of our relationship as one that everyone else envies. I started having suspicions for about 6 months ago. She became distant from me, she wasnt telling me about her day (she pretty much stop talking about anything except you daily life stuff) but I put it down to a very stressful job change she was going thru and the money issues that brought up. But then there were other signs. About a three months ago, the amount of sex we were having drastically dropped. The last month and a half, she has been irritable, short tempered and moody. I tried to talk to her about what was going on but she swore there was nothing wrong. But my gut told me there was something and if I learned anything reading these boards it's trust you gut. So I looked and found some messeges. I don't know when it happened or for how long it lasted but by their conversation it is obvious that something had happened but it might be over. The word 'fling' was used in their convo. Unfortunately, it's not concrete evidence. And if I confront her now she will just deny everything Our relationship has started to get better the past couple of weeks though, kissing, "I love you"s, etc. I am at a loss as to what to do. Haven't slept well since Friday. Just kinda numb

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post #2 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 06:41 PM
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Re: Kind of lost right now

Can you get your hands on her phone an do a recovery for all deleted texts?
Can you get a hold of the phone bills a few months before things went south
and now to see if there was a number that you did not know or a number that
she was contacting with an abnormally high amount?

Be patient and do you research before you confront your WW.

Also hide a VAR in WW car and one in the house where she takes most of her
calls when you are not home.
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post #3 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 06:45 PM Thread Starter
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Can you get your hands on her phone an do a recovery for all deleted texts?
Can you get a hold of the phone bills a few months before things went south
and now to see if there was a number that you did not know or a number that
she was contacting with an abnormally high amount?

Be patient and do you research before you confront your WW.

Also hide a VAR in WW car and one in the house where she takes most of her
calls when you are not home.

I plan on doing due diligence now that I know what I am looking for. Kinda afraid of what I will find if I am completely honest
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post #4 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 06:52 PM
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Re: Kind of lost right now

Stay calm there are many people here that have been down this road already and
they are willing to help you. Maybe best to strategize here before you confront and
never, ever, repeat never ever reveal how you found out.

That will just alert the WW to block your access to or they will stop using that option
to communicate with the AP.
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post #5 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 06:58 PM Thread Starter
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Stay calm there are many people here that have been down this road already and
they are willing to help you. Maybe best to strategize here before you confront and
never, ever, repeat never ever reveal how you found out.

That will just alert the WW to block your access to or they will stop using that option
to communicate with the AP.
I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for the heads up! Any suggestion for how to handle that when it comes up? I am sure she will want to know how I found out.
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post #6 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 06:58 PM
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Old truck has given you a good start, listen to him and follow through with what you have to do. Even though It scares the hell out of you.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #7 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:00 PM
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Then when you get the info come back to the house (our house) and we'll keep you sane.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #8 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:06 PM
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VAR- Sony ICD-PX470 Stereo Digital Voice Recorder with Built-in USB Voice Recorder

Delete text recovery-
FoneLab Android Data Recovery
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Eat, rest and above all relax or she will know something is about to start!!

Don't show your hand. Don't even think of going there!!

Tell no one just come here for strength and courage!!

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #9 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:07 PM
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They have one for iPhone and Android

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #10 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:10 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Tilted 1 View Post
VAR- Sony ICD-PX470 Stereo Digital Voice Recorder with Built-in USB Voice Recorder

Delete text recovery-
FoneLab Android Data Recovery
Enables you to restore Android phone or SD card contacts, messages, videos, photos and more without data loss.

Eat, rest and above all relax or she will know something is about to start!!

Don't show your hand. Don't even think of going there!!

Tell no one just come here for strength and courage!!
Oh, I'm not planning on showing my hand until I have more concrete evidence and I am in a more calm, clear-headed state. I have noone to tell really, even if I did I would be to embarrassed

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post #11 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:17 PM
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Re: Kind of lost right now

Stop the interaction between you and your wife. Bring it back to what it was during her affair.

Make sure you are eating right and get some exercise going.

Remember this. Do what is best for you and your kids. Do what is best for YOU and your kids. Your so called wife did what was best for herself and basically did a big fu to you and the kids.

If you are up to it call the guy out and ask him straight to his face if he had sex with your wife. Tell him that you have seen all of their conversations. Tell him if he is man enough to due another mans wife he should be man enough to admit it.

Or

If it is over there is no new information to find.

Try and recover the text.

Again stop everything. Read the 180. If your wife asks whatís wrong just say she already knows and so do you. If she pushís for an answer just tell her to talk it over with ďOMís nameĒ, apparently you was not his first. Do not give anything else to her. Only talk with her about the kids nothing else. If she says she loves you, ignore it like nothing was said. You have very little to go on, your cheating wife needs to think you know it all.

Talk with the best lawyer in your area. This is just so you know your rights if it comes to that.
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post #12 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:22 PM Thread Starter
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Stop the interaction between you and your wife. Bring it back to what it was during her affair.

Make sure you are eating right and get some exercise going.

Remember this. Do what is best for you and your kids. Do what is best for YOU and your kids. Your so called wife did what was best for herself and basically did a big fu to you and the kids.

If you are up to it call the guy out and ask him straight to his face if he had sex with your wife. Tell him that you have seen all of their conversations. Tell him if he is man enough to due another mans wife he should be man enough to admit it.

Or

If it is over there is no new information to find.

Try and recover the text.

Again stop everything. Read the 180. If your wife asks what’s wrong just say she already knows and so do you. If she push’s for an answer just tell her to talk it over with “OM’s name”, apparently you was not his first. Do not give anything else to her. Only talk with her about the kids nothing else. If she says she loves you, ignore it like nothing was said. You have very little to go on, your cheating wife needs to think you know it all.

Talk with the best lawyer in your area. This is just so you know your rights if it comes to that.
I am already looking up lawyers. Be a good idea to know what to expect!
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post #13 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:29 PM
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Re: Kind of lost right now

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Originally Posted by Numb26 View Post
Oh, I'm not planning on showing my hand until I have more concrete evidence and I am in a more calm, clear-headed state. I have noone to tell really, even if I did I would be to embarrassed
Why in the world would you be embarrassed?

Did you tell your wife you wanted her to sleep with others? If you did and now you are here to complain that she did, then by all means be embarrassed.

This is on you wife and her lack of any morals.

Find you anger and self respect.

I am not saying to be mean to your wife. Just make it clear you have had enough and you are not going to be a doormat.

Your wifeís actions do not reflect who you are!

Your wifeís actions reflect who she really is. She has shown you her true colors believe what you have seen and not what she is going to be saying. Donít let her play it down and make you look like a fool. If she tries this stop her in her tracks, tell her you donít have time for lies that life is to short for bullchit. ( or anything to stop a conversation that she is not tell you what really happened )

You know she cheated, you just donít have the details. Do not start to doubt yourself and what you know.
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post #14 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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Oh, I'm not planning on showing my hand until I have more concrete evidence and I am in a more calm, clear-headed state. I have noone to tell really, even if I did I would be to embarrassed
Why in the world would you be embarrassed?

Did you tell your wife you wanted her to sleep with others? If you did and now you are here to complain that she did, then by all means be embarrassed.

This is on you wife and her lack of any morals.

Find you anger and self respect.

I am not saying to be mean to your wife. Just make it clear you have had enough and you are not going to be a doormat.

Your wife’s actions do not reflect who you are!

Your wife’s actions reflect who she really is. She has shown you her true colors believe what you have seen and not what she is going to be saying. Don’t let her play it down and make you look like a fool. If she tries this stop her in her tracks, tell her you don’t have time for lies that life is to short for bullchit. ( or anything to stop a conversation that she is not tell you what really happened )

You know she cheated, you just don’t have the details. Do not start to doubt yourself and what you know.
Thanks for reminding me that this was her choice and I deserve better. And she would try to play it down which is why I need to get as much concrete info as I can
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post #15 of 423 (permalink) Old 09-11-2019, 07:40 PM
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Re: Kind of lost right now

If she asks, just say "The night has a thousand eyes." A corny old song but she will believe somebody told on her. This isn't a court of law. You don't have to prove anything. You KNOW and that's all you have to say.

1. Have her served. Divorce is a long process. It gives you time to watch her actions. It can be stopped if she gets her head out of her ass. Sets the tone that you are serious.

2. STD tests? She has been letting another man put his body fluids in her risking you & your families life and health. Thats why we don't marry hookers! They are disease carriers! Sets a tone.

3. No sex with her till this is resolved. It signals forgiveness to her AND a judge. Sets a tone.

4. DNA your kids. I don't care if they are the spitting image of you. Sets a tone.

5. Have her write a timeline of her affair. Have it checked against a polygraph of her. Its amazing what comes out just before the test.

6. Expose to friends and family. Nothing breaks up an affair like exposure. Shine a light on it and watch the cockroaches run!

7. If the other man is married, expose to his wife without telling her you are going to do this. This is the greatest single thing you can do to stop an affair.

8. Transparency with all electronics. You are given all passwords. No secrets between a man and wife anyway.

9. Do not play the "pick-me game". No begging, pleading, or crying in front of her.

10. Practice the "180 technique religiously. Here is a link: https://healinginfidelity.blogspot.c...t-spouses.html

11. Women respect strength, courage, and self confidence. Be that man for you and your children.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Last edited by skerzoid; 09-11-2019 at 07:45 PM.
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