Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
Give him a bit. He’s getting advice from three places and is now thinking extremely Black and white. Unfortunately, he is probably going to need to fall flat on his face. We have all watched it or experienced it, sometimes you need that abrupt slap to start thinking straight again.
Making things adversarial is not good, regardless of the situation. Keep thinking “me vs. the world” and you’ll be funding her dates and affairs through court ordered alimony.
Well, my thinking has evolved toward black and white. And that's based on advice here and elsewhere and from convos with 2 attorneys.
Stepping back here for moment, it's a little humorous the degree and intensity there is in some poster's declarations regarding the states of mind of my wife and the OM. And these are based only on what I have posted which is only snippets of real life.
Sure, there are analogous characteristics here as there are even between totally random events. A little humility could be expected.
Perhaps I will fall on my face. Perhaps I am still reacting irrationally rather than exercising sober judgment and radical acceptance. But I am clear on my goal and how I want to approach it even if some, based on my descriptions, and their own biases and priorities, don't understand it. For 2 weeks I have been floundering about, receiving conflicting advice here and elsewhere, and talked to 2 attorneys. That I have chosen a path that others don't agree with doesn't mean I am an idiot or otherwise.
I don't want to be combative here, just observing that after taking in a while lot of insight, suggestions, and slap-in-face pronouncements, I have hacked a plan together.
I get the risk that exposure could turn this adversarial and I see the judgment you're exercising in warning me off such an approach. It makes sense. But, a judge is unlikely going to make me pay more for telling our family and friends the truth. The mediator is unlikely to push me to accept an unacceptable division of assets because I told our friends and family the truth.
Am I an idiot for seeing things this way? Maybe. Will I believe that I stood up for myself and family via exposure? Yes. I ain't going down without a fight and if at the end of the fight I don't reconcile, well, I would have done something.
Many of you think I am wasting my time and inflicting greater emotional pain on to myself. Well, I'm a man and I've endured emotional pain before. I'll take some more on if it means that I might reconcile my marriage.