Sure, I think that’s the root of it - rationalization and ego protection. It’s part of how someone can do some very bad things and still think they are a good person. We all are the heroes of our own story.
But it is interesting. I’ve discussed it with a few people, and I can say that they honestly seem confused by their own behaviour.
The psychology of it is fascinating.
I know why that is (i think). When we are WITH someone, we change, adapt, certain characteristics in us become more emphasised than others, depending on who we are with. We can even adapt and change our thinking perspective (sometimes dramatically so). We don’t live in a vacuum.
Ever heard the phrase “you made me the person I never thought I could become?” That explains it for me.
OTOH: “I just want to be someone who would let me be myself”. I don’t believe this is possible. It is possible to be with someone who would ‘let you be’ but being ‘yourself’ is a bit of an illusion (because there is no ‘yourself’).
I don’t really know who I am. But I like myself when I am with person x, y or z (although z makes me become a bit of an obnoxious asshat
What I mean is, that the whole fog thing, is basically that. It’s like gravity; it affects both objects (subjects). It’s further influenced/enhanced by hormones (to facilitate bonding).
That’s the reason I used to get depressed because I wasn’t 100% sure that with me, my wife was the person that she wanted to be. I ache experienced other sides of her, when she was with other people (school friends etc). She is not like that with me. Most of the time, she is a mother and a wife, sometimes a lover and a woman...I try to encourage different sides but I am not capable to stimulate everything. She can never be with me like she is with her girlfriends (not of an airhead).
Same with me: there are sides of me she doesn’t really know or doesn’t see (unless I can get her to a certain frame of mind). It’s probably ok. (And it presumes that I know of all my sides...which I don’t).
Dunno if that makes sense.
But it is not so obvious to me which one is ‘fog’ and which one is ‘reality’.
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