Lies and an inappropriate relationship - Page 12 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 327Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #166 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:10 AM
Member
 
StillSearching's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,182
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
"Her Then why are you still talking to me?

Him I don't know*

Her I think I know but you just don't want to admit it"

Even she thinks he's being coy.

This guy reminds me of my BIL. He so wants to be seen as Mr.NiceGuy that he puts everything and everyone ahead of his wife. Insecurities.
Yup...fosters resentment



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
StillSearching is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #167 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
She had it coming. She underestimated you when she messaged you. ("anonymously" of course)
Yes she did. I also did not tell my boyfriend that I sent it to him.

It was also very telling that in the last couple of weeks she asks him twice if everything is ok with me and him. Almost like she thinks it might not be. Very telling.
nicknacksnack is offline  
post #168 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:16 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,738
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Good for you. That was the right thing to do. Her husband definitely needs to know. Yes, I think your bf would have continued on if you hadn’t found out. Him telling her that you didn’t know they were in contact sent her a message that they had a secret and that maybe she had a shot. These things often don’t start bad but they certainly can end bad. My long marriage was a casualty of just such a situation.
Openminded is offline  
 
post #169 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:16 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 5,751
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicknacksnack View Post
I found her husbands profile on Facebook and sent him a message telling him I had information about his wife that I would like to share with him. I asked him for his email address and he immediately replied "Interesting...please share with me" and gave me his email address.

I sent ALL of it to him
Good for you. You did him a service.

What I read from her texts was stalkerish. Your BF lied about the contact, but I think he was trying to manage her in the hopes that she would just go away. If I had someone after me the way she was I would treat it very gingerly, afraid she would do something even crazier.

He should have told you. He should have brought you in so that the two of you could deal with it as a united front. He shouldn't have kept it hidden.

It's up to you what you do at this point, of course. If it were me, I would likely take it as a lesson on honesty and boundaries for him and try to reconcile the relationship. Just me.
alte Dame is offline  
post #170 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:19 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,798
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Interesting how both my ex husband and my mother always pull the "I just couldn't be rude" routine when they continue to interact with people who are rude or have hurt in some way.

My mother suggested that I organize a graduation party for myself. She never told me that she was inviting the one professor I told her I had problems with ...... he promised a reference for a summer programs and then didn't do it. On the many visits to the uni --she's an alumna -- I had introduced them. She told me she just couldn't rude. How would he have known that i was having a party anyway?
NextTimeAround is online now  
post #171 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 01:22 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 9,433
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Openminded View Post

Good for you. That was the right thing to do. Her husband definitely needs to know.
Absolutely he does! Because he as "husband" is not even a blip on her radar!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
3Xnocharm is offline  
post #172 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 02:25 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

So he followed up with a bunch of questions and clarification. I told him about the anonymous text I received and he said this sounded exactly like something his wife would do.

He is a bit shocked as he was under the impression that they were very happy and had a good marriage. He said up until now he had no idea.

He also said that he had her laptop and was currently running through her laptop for other emails and had access to her iCloud and would be checking that to see if there is anything suspicious. He said he would let me know if he found anything further from my boyfriend, etc.

He was very appreciative that I reached out to him. Sounds like from what he's saying this may be a deal breaker for him

Thanks to all of you for the nudge to do that!
nicknacksnack is offline  
post #173 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 03:18 PM
Member
 
Adelais's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 3,709
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Good job nicknacksnack!
Adelais is offline  
post #174 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 04:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,798
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Good thing that you came here Nicknack. Most other message boards would have told you to mind your business.

Of course, usually someone who says that does quite the opposite.
NextTimeAround is online now  
post #175 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 04:56 PM
Member
 
StillSearching's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,182
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicknacksnack View Post
So he followed up with a bunch of questions and clarification. I told him about the anonymous text I received and he said this sounded exactly like something his wife would do.

He is a bit shocked as he was under the impression that they were very happy and had a good marriage. He said up until now he had no idea.

He also said that he had her laptop and was currently running through her laptop for other emails and had access to her iCloud and would be checking that to see if there is anything suspicious. He said he would let me know if he found anything further from my boyfriend, etc.

He was very appreciative that I reached out to him. Sounds like from what he's saying this may be a deal breaker for him

Thanks to all of you for the nudge to do that!
You did the right thing.
I'll bet $100 this ain't the first guy shes hit up.
A betting man would say she's laid down with someone else other than her husband. She's talks like a veteran.
After reading through the emails 3 times I would not be so quick to trash it all, .....That being said he's not innocent.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
StillSearching is online now  
post #176 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:01 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Good thing that you came here Nicknack. Most other message boards would have told you to mind your business.

Of course, usually someone who says that does quite the opposite.
I really am too! I have gotten such good advice and I would not have thought about half as much as I've been told. He deserved to know
nicknacksnack is offline  
post #177 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicknacksnack View Post
So he followed up with a bunch of questions and clarification. I told him about the anonymous text I received and he said this sounded exactly like something his wife would do.

He is a bit shocked as he was under the impression that they were very happy and had a good marriage. He said up until now he had no idea.

He also said that he had her laptop and was currently running through her laptop for other emails and had access to her iCloud and would be checking that to see if there is anything suspicious. He said he would let me know if he found anything further from my boyfriend, etc.

He was very appreciative that I reached out to him. Sounds like from what he's saying this may be a deal breaker for him

Thanks to all of you for the nudge to do that!
You did the right thing.
I'll bet $100 this ain't the first guy shes hit up.
A betting man would say she's laid down with someone else other than her husband. She's talks like a veteran.
After reading through the emails 3 times I would not be so quick to trash it all, .....That being said he's not innocent.
You're right. While he did a lot of things right, he did a lot of things wrong. He lied and I cant ignore that. He also carried on conversations with her for over 2 years and hid it.
nicknacksnack is offline  
post #178 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:07 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 9,433
Re: Lies and an inappropriate relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicknacksnack View Post
You're right. While he did a lot of things right, he did a lot of things wrong. He lied and I cant ignore that. He also carried on conversations with her for over 2 years and hid it.
Right, this. And how would he feel if the tables were turned and YOU had been having secret conversations with another man, for YEARS, who clearly had feelings for you and hit on you constantly? Pretty sure that would go over with a big ol THUD...

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
3Xnocharm is offline  
post #179 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:10 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Her husband has been burning up my email.

Apparently there were texts between them and he sent me those. Nothing anymore incriminating than what I've already seen. BUT, they definitely started emailing to hide the fact that they were communicating. Not good

So far he seems to be the only one that she latched on to.

He said she has a lot of selfies and some with cleavage etc. She also has Audio files in her Notes section that basically consist of her saying how much she wants "someone" (no name is used) and how hot and sexy he is.

She also has screenshots of my FB and the few pics that I had that are Public and of course my profile pic which is me and my boyfriend and I'm cropped out

When I found her on FB after I looked at her I blocked her
nicknacksnack is offline  
post #180 of 187 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:14 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicknacksnack View Post
You're right. While he did a lot of things right, he did a lot of things wrong. He lied and I cant ignore that. He also carried on conversations with her for over 2 years and hid it.
Right, this. And how would he feel if the tables were turned and YOU had been having secret conversations with another man, for YEARS, who clearly had feelings for you and hit on you constantly? Pretty sure that would go over with a big ol THUD...
Exactly! That breaks my heart that he could even do that to me. I have always been very transparent and if any man has ever shown me attention or made a side comment I have told him, not to get a reaction, but to simply be honest and forthcoming. Unfortunately, he did not afford me the same respect
nicknacksnack is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome