Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 70Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 09:22 AM
Member
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 16,182
Cool Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
Kayla, is a narcissistic user, look up narcissist and run..............
A narcissist is someone who will cut your heart out without using any Novocain and then meticulously dissect it right before your very eyes!

Been there, done that! Never again!

Run like hell!



"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 10:38 AM
Member
 
Bibi1031's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: texas
Posts: 2,577
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

What you witnessed at the movies was for you to realize just how big of a bullet you dodged. Nothing more, nothing less.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Bibi1031 is offline  
post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 08:09 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 116
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Cheating is not just the issue here.

At hand there are issues with STIs, as well as financial implications when they split up, and then things get even more complicated when children become involved.

Thanks to the beauty (and disease of) social media, it is easy to find someone and send them a quick message.

There is no need to put yourself at risk. You can probably quite easily find her, send her an anonymous message through a fake facebook account of something....and just drop a few little “tidbits” the fiancee’s way. Just bird crumbs that lead her in the right direction. You do not have to say anything about your old relationship....you can just say what you saw at the movies and say you are a “common friend that does not want to be involved, however believes she should know this, in case she does not yet, before she gets married”.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
a_new_me is offline  
 
post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 11:09 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 3,821
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Never mind. My advice didn't make sense after I read it lol

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

Last edited by *Deidre*; 12-10-2019 at 11:51 PM.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 11:27 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,799
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Yes, I would want to know. It would give me time to plan my exit and there would probably be things that I would have / have not done if I knew that my husband were fooling around in the short term ....

If informing people is a practice that you regularly do, then don't feel bad that on this occasion there is a little bit of schadenfreude tied up with this.

As long as it's true, it would not make a difference to me that the info came from someone who has personal vendetta against or who was trying to hit on my husband.

If something is true and can be proven to be true, it does not matter what source it came from.
NextTimeAround is online now  
post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 08:41 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 4,191
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cali_chick View Post
Perhaps I'm projecting wanting to protect her fiancee- when in all actuality, I want to go back in time and protect myself.

That's where I need to put ownership where it belongs: on Kayla.
Yes, Kayla is sole owner of her betrayals. That said, her fiancee still has a right to know. You can't go back in time and be protected from Kayla, but you can possibly protect someone else.
Also, yes, I'd very much want to know. Especially in a community property state. Kayla marries this woman and she could literally ruin this woman's financial future in a divorce, which is likely, considering there's already infidelity and they aren't even married yet. It's not just about the emotional pain. There are other consequences to marrying the wrong person. You dodged a bullet, I hope this woman does, too.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 08:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,799
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
Yes, Kayla is sole owner of her betrayals. That said, her fiancee still has a right to know. You can't go back in time and be protected from Kayla, but you can possibly protect someone else.
Also, yes, I'd very much want to know. Especially in a community property state. Kayla marries this woman and she could literally ruin this woman's financial future in a divorce, which is likely, considering there's already infidelity and they aren't even married yet. It's not just about the emotional pain. There are other consequences to marrying the wrong person. You dodged a bullet, I hope this woman does, too.
The couple could also move to a state that has laws more favorable to their needs. My exBIL moved my sister and the kids across state line because the laws are morfavorable to the non custodial parent compared to the other state in the metro area.

Additionally, if you knew that your partner was fooling around, would you want to buy a new house; new car? Play hostess to your unpleasant in laws for a week or two? No, you would say no knowing that in a couple of months what your in laws think means nothing anyway.
NextTimeAround is online now  
post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 01:25 PM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 4,191
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
The couple could also move to a state that has laws more favorable to their needs.
Sure, if half the couple is cheating and the other half knows, is willing to keep quiet, pretend all is well, move (new house new job new friends), wait until residency is established (anywhere from 60 days to 6 months) and then file.

Or the betrayed can be notified of the betrayal and skip the whole marriage thing in the first place. Assuming they'd have the sense to walk, of course, since we can't help people who won't help themselves.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 59
Update: I told her fiancée and kinda wish I didn’t. I’ll have to post from my computer (on my phone).
cali_chick is offline  
post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 04:59 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,799
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cali_chick View Post
Update: I told her fiancée and kinda wish I didn’t. I’ll have to post from my computer (on my phone).
How did you tell her? by what means and what words?

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable because you feel that you were doing it for the wrong reason. At the same time, if someone who had purer reasons would have told her the same thing and she would have had the same sad feelings. And isn't it better to learn about these things in private and be ready for it if someone wanted to talk about it in public.

I used to smoke cigarettes. And then I noticed how they discolored my teeth. So I quit. I quit smoking cigarettes because I was more worried about what I looked like than I was about my health. (my cancer is not due to smoking.)

Should I have continued smoking because I quit for the wrong reasons.

NextTimeAround is online now  
post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 05:08 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,982
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cali_chick View Post
Update: I told her fiancée and kinda wish I didn’t. I’ll have to post from my computer (on my phone).
Good.

Now extract yourself from the situation and the accompanying drama. Block them all if you must. It's not your job to prove what you saw, or to be anyone's therapist. Just the facts, ma'am, and goodbye.
Marduk is offline  
post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 59
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
How did you tell her? by what means and what words?

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable because you feel that you were doing it for the wrong reason.

Long story short, her fiancee didn't believe me. She asked if I was "Shannon." Kayla never mentioned a Shannon, so maybe someone she dated after me, but apparently something happened with her.

I didn't mean to leave time for any replies from her, but my mom showed up at my door and my geeky butt accidentally press "sent." I told her what I knew and never said I wasn't Shannon- which results in me feeling awful, because now this woman is going to get a bad rap. Her fiancee said she trusts Kayla and they don't want to hear from "Shannon" ever again and not to text message her sister or something- whatever the hell that means.

So, all that build up to her not believing me, thinking I'm someone else, that someone else getting the bad rap and reliving all this drama I went through years ago. Yay.

My mom also asked what was bothering me over lunch and I was so upset I told her. I then got a lecture. I'm a 30+ year old woman getting a lecture from her 50+ year old mother about not being a lesson to other people and doing only what's right for me. Double yay. Oh, and an earful about how the fiancee probably already has an inkling that Kayla is cheating just like I did and how we usually ignore that feeling and also I know better to get involved in any form with a narc person (or I should).

I still feel awful.

Last edited by cali_chick; 12-11-2019 at 05:56 PM.
cali_chick is offline  
post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 03:21 PM
Member
 
Ursula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,670
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Yes I would want to know. I would also make sure Rebecca's husband knows, it may well be a lie that theirs is just a marriage of convenience and either way she is cheating.
This here, I agree with. If I were set to marry someone (or even if I were just seriously involved with them), I would want to know if they were cheating on me. And yes, Rebecca's husband deserves to know, too. This Kayla girl sounds like a real piece of work, and a bullet that you luckily dodged. I'm sorry that you're feeling beat down.

ETA: I just read your last post, and it sounds like you did the right thing and did the best that you could do. It's unfortunate that the fiance doesn't believe you, but kudos to you for trying. She will learn soon that she's being cheated on; cheaters can't hide forever. I'm sorry that your Mom lectured you though; some parents have troubles accepting and respecting their adult kid's boundaries (I have the same issues with my immediate family, to). Hugs!

Last edited by Ursula; 12-12-2019 at 03:35 PM.
Ursula is offline  
post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-14-2019, 11:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 101
Re: Would you want to know? Caught my ex cheating on her fiancee with...

I would absolutely want to know! As a wife, I instantly put myself in the Husband's shoes...I can only imagine how loveless his marriage is since she is hiding her true sexuality. No one deserves to live like that coupled with the cheating. I would send an anonymous message to the Husband and Fiance via Facebook and wash my hands of it.
moulinyx is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
cheating, divorce, gay, lesbian, marriage

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome