If you've decided to divorce, the need to forgive her or she you is on the back burner. What needs to be dealt with then is the divorce.
I fail to understand how a death in the family means a year delay in seperation. Perhaps a month or two is a better timeline, and gives you time to get your ducks in a row?
I agree about the cheating. Her story makes zero sense. You don't get to "come move to another country with me" without having a fairly extensive, and sexual relationship prior to that.
Feels like a divorce and walking away is the only way I know how to forgive. One of her parents died. Would be cruel to her and her remaining parent. We were all close.
I read part of your other post (2016). Your wife had an EA---probably long term. Therapists blamed you and one even suggested an open marriage. I DK why. Wife carries on with marriage celebrations. Y'all are from an Asian culture.
You are still miserable, untrusting and do not feel you can go back. I do not know the details of her affair. You had been together a long time--20 years? Sounds like your questions regarding her affair were unanswered. How could she travel with him and it not be physical? Physical doesn't just mean PIV.
So you lose either way. Is there still concern about rent-controlled apartment? Was yours an arranged marriage? I'm confused actually. Why will a death in her family delay divorce for a year? According to you, she does not function as most expect a wife to do and you want to divorce. Is there now someone else for you?
No she's from the States. Very white. I'm the one from South East Asia. She very probably didn't travel with her "friend". If I found one, I can't help but think of how many others she might have had. Only told after years had passed, after I asked for a divorce. Asked for a divorce separation once, then again after getting confirmation. Never trusted people much, except for her. Regretfully.
There are no wifely duties in my mind. She's free to do what she wants except betray me. She didn't want to relay more of her uncertainties to me for fear I would leave. In my mind, if you are uncertain, it should end.
I don't think I will get an honest answer about why she doesn't want a divorce. Likely has to do with her parents. Now that one has passed, I am not sure what might happen.
The rent control issue is more for her than me. Likely, she will keep it. I am more likely to move quit, hike around a few months (Most National Parks allows 30 days a year) and return to my home country for a long while. I'm not a citizen.
Who died? Unless it was someone like a parent who she was very close to I cant see why you need to delay anything. I think you are looking for excuses.
You're probably right. I'm very much concerned with doing the right thing by her parents. A year of after the death feels more appropriate. I have fond memories of this one.
Brings a smile to my face to remember how they made sure I had plenty of drink and smokes in college. Very old fashioned.