Husband sexting my best friend - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Husband sexting my best friend

Hi everyone hoping to get some advice. I recently found out my husband of 22 years and my best friend have been sexting each other. I am absolutely heartbroken 😥

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post #2 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 02:49 PM
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Re: Newbie alert...

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Hi everyone hoping to get some advice. I recently found out my husband of 22 years and my best friend have been sexting each other. I am absolutely heartbroken 😥
Ouch. Iím so sorry.

Can you provide more detail, and whether you think you want to try to reconcile or not? And what has his behaviour been since the discovery?
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post #3 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 04:22 PM
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Re: Newbie alert...

Oh no! How did you find out? Do they know you are aware this is going on?

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #4 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
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I just went with my gut

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Oh no! How did you find out? Do they know you are aware this is going on?
Yes they no I confronted my husband about it, it took 4 weeks until I got the truth out of him.
I’ve heard nothing off my best friend so yes I think she no’s 😓
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post #5 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 04:51 PM
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Re: Newbie alert...

are you sure that all they are doing is sexting? Has this gone physical? there is no way he will admit to that openly.
Perhaps you need to VAR his car to get an idea of what is REALLY going on.
Is this his first such indiscretion?
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post #6 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 04:52 PM Thread Starter
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Newbie alert... I still love him and yes I do want our marriage to work. I found out

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Quote:
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Hi everyone hoping to get some advice. I recently found out my husband of 22 years and my best friend have been sexting each other. I am absolutely heartbroken 😥
Ouch. I’m so sorry.

Can you provide more detail, and whether you think you want to try to reconcile or not? And what has his behaviour been since the discovery?
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post #7 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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Newbie alert...I just don’t no what to think!

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are you sure that all they are doing is sexting? Has this gone physical? there is no way he will admit to that openly.
Perhaps you need to VAR his car to get an idea of what is REALLY going on.
Is this his first such indiscretion?
I don’t think it has gone any further, he never goes anywhere only work.
She is also married with children. We have been on holiday together all of us.
She is a flirt, she flirts with everyone but I never thought she would of crossed the line 🤔
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post #8 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 05:26 PM
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What do you plan to do about this?
Are you planning to change things/take action?

What have his consequences been since you found out?
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post #9 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 05:31 PM Thread Starter
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Newbie alert...I don’t no what to do

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What do you plan to do about this?
Are you planning to change things/take action?

What have his consequences been since you found out?
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post #10 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 05:33 PM
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Re: Newbie alert...I just donít no what to think!

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I donít think it has gone any further, he never goes anywhere only work.
She is also married with children. We have been on holiday together all of us.
She is a flirt, she flirts with everyone but I never thought she would of crossed the line 🤔
Very gently because I don't want to add to your stress and anxiety. I hope you're right and I hope it hasn't gone physical.

However, my ex wife carried on a months-long physical affair while we drove together to work, lunched together often, and we spent every evening and weekend together.

Honestly to this day I'm not sure how she did it. She never admitted to anything, but that's what I found out by other means.

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post #11 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:03 PM
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Re: Newbie alert...

Oh and does the other womanís husband know?

It might be an interesting test to tell him without talking about it with your husband.

If your husband comes to you mad about it, then you know theyíre still in contact.

Plus, her husband should know.
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post #12 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 07:19 AM
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Re: Newbie alert...I just donít no what to think!

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Originally Posted by Diamond21 View Post
I don’t think it has gone any further, he never goes anywhere only work.
She is also married with children. We have been on holiday together all of us.
She is a flirt, she flirts with everyone but I never thought she would of crossed the line 🤔
Ugh. Please stop being so naive.

Many people do their cheating during the day - extended lunch hours, fake 'doctor's appointments' where they leave work early or come in to work late, supposed car repair appointments or 'flat tires' that cause them to come in an hour or two late, and for some, calling in sick for the day but leaving home at the usual time and coming back home in the evening the usual time - and never having gone to work at all.

I think you're being terribly naive to assume this hasn't gone further simply because he's home every night and because "she's married with children." That means absolutely nothing in the scheme of things. It obviously doesn't mean much to her or she wouldn't be disrespecting YOU and she wouldn't be disrespecting her own husband, playing telephone grab-ass with your husband. So if you're basing your belief that this hasn't crossed the line on some skewed belief that she respects her marriage and wouldn't cross the line, then you'd likely be very, very wrong.

There's more to this story. There always is.

There always, always is.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #13 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:17 AM
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Re: Husband sexting my best friend

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Hi everyone hoping to get some advice. I recently found out my husband of 22 years and my best friend have been sexting each other. I am absolutely heartbroken 😥
Hi. I have moved your thread to Coping With Infidelity and changed the title to Husband sexting my best friend.

You will receive the advice and support you need. You are now with friends who know the pain you are experiencing as most of us have been where you are.


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post #14 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:05 AM
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Re: Husband sexting my best friend

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Ugh. Please stop being so naive.

So if you're basing your belief that this hasn't crossed the line on some skewed belief that she respects her marriage and wouldn't cross the line, then you'd likely be very, very wrong.

There's more to this story. There always is.

There always, always is.
Also, if you are basing your belief that this hasn't crossed the line because your lying cheating husband told you so, that is even more naive and misguided.

My cheater's mantra was, "Lie, Lie, Lie, until you die." She never told me anything that I did not find out on my own. Even when I caught her texting her affair partner that she was pregnant and it might be his child, she said, "You don't understand. I can explain." Of course I didn't buy it but she tried to talk her way out of even THAT. That is how confident these people are that they can get away with it.

Do as much snooping as you can and don't tell him what you find or how you found it. Not until you have everything you need because once he finds out you are snooping he will find ways to hide his affair even better.

Good luck.
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post #15 of 118 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:09 AM
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Re: Husband sexting my best friend

You have to take action

1. Make him give you a timeline
2. He must wRite a no contact letter to her
3. You must contact her husband and have her exposed and running for cover. Do not tell your H about this
4 go see a lawyer and tell WH you are keeping your options open, you donít know whether you want him anymore
5. Ask him to leave the master bedroom and sleep in the spare room
6. Suggest MC and a lie detector test

7. Tell all family and friends about this. Expose them, this is their shame not yours, exposure will keep them accountable.

The life you have, is the life you create
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