Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:44 AM Thread Starter
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Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

My fWS has recently been questioning why I'm not committed to her. Why I'm still insisting on maintaining a relationship based upon "The Charade." (Info on the Charade -*https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-charade.html*)

She wants to end the Charade and have a real relationship again. Even suggested that we get remarried. I told her I don't trust her, I don't feel safe with her, etc. She said:

Could it be partially that you don't feel you deserve my love or commitment? *Do you know what the picture looks like for you to actually feel that way?


WTH? Mind ****. As CL would say.*


Last edited by MattMatt; 01-23-2020 at 06:01 AM. Reason: Word Filter Violations
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post #2 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:47 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

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Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
Could it be partially that you don't feel you deserve my love or commitment? *Do you know what the picture looks like for you to actually feel that way?
Pop psychology psycho-babble.

Last edited by OnTheFly; 01-22-2020 at 03:53 PM. Reason: Forgot the quote like a dunce.
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post #3 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:00 AM
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Cool Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

One of my RSXW's best lines was:

"You're crazy! It's only your vivid imagination!"

Always trust your gut instincts! Unlike a wayward spouse, they rarely ever lie!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #4 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:06 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
My fWS has recently been questioning why I'm not committed to her. Why I'm still insisting on maintaining a relationship based upon "The Charade." (Info on the Charade -*https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-charade.html*)

She wants to end the Charade and have a real relationship again. Even suggested that we get remarried. I told her I don't trust her, I don't feel safe with her, etc. She said:

Could it be partially that you don't feel you deserve my love or commitment? *Do you know what the picture looks like for you to actually feel that way?


WTH? Mind F*ck. As CL would say.*
I wrote this before on another thread but in my opinion it shows the mindset of some people.
When I lived in NY I met a girl at a fashion show, she was modeling at the show and was absolutely gorgeous. She left with me and ended up spending the night at my apartment.
The following morning I asked her did she want to go out for breakfast but she said no because her boyfriend or some of his friends might see us. This was the first mention of a boyfriend and I asked her why she wasn’t faithful to him. I’ve never forgotten what she replied.
She said she had been faithful “lots of times”.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #5 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:15 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Faithful lots of times? Wth does that even mean rofl
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post #6 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:21 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I wrote this before on another thread but in my opinion it shows the mindset of some people.
When I lived in NY I met a girl at a fashion show, she was modeling at the show and was absolutely gorgeous. She left with me and ended up spending the night at my apartment.
The following morning I asked her did she want to go out for breakfast but she said no because her boyfriend or some of his friends might see us. This was the first mention of a boyfriend and I asked her why she wasn’t faithful to him. I’ve never forgotten what she replied.
She said she had been faithful “lots of times”.
" you can't fix stupid"
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post #7 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:32 AM
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Cool Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I wrote this before on another thread but in my opinion it shows the mindset of some people.
When I lived in NY I met a girl at a fashion show, she was modeling at the show and was absolutely gorgeous. She left with me and ended up spending the night at my apartment.
The following morning I asked her did she want to go out for breakfast but she said no because her boyfriend or some of his friends might see us. This was the first mention of a boyfriend and I asked her why she wasn’t faithful to him. I’ve never forgotten what she replied.
She said she had been faithful “lots of times”.
I can only hope that, in time, that this brazen witch has her "heart" figuratively ripped out through her anal cavity by someone whom she has come to succinctly love and trust!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #8 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:37 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I wrote this before on another thread but in my opinion it shows the mindset of some people.
When I lived in NY I met a girl at a fashion show, she was modeling at the show and was absolutely gorgeous. She left with me and ended up spending the night at my apartment.
The following morning I asked her did she want to go out for breakfast but she said no because her boyfriend or some of his friends might see us. This was the first mention of a boyfriend and I asked her why she wasn’t faithful to him. I’ve never forgotten what she replied.
She said she had been faithful “lots of times”.

Honestly, I think this mindset may be more common that any of us might wish.

My then-husband said much the same to me when I found out he'd been serially cheating for the duration of our relationship. He absolutely could not wrap his head around not being congratulated for all the times he could have cheated but didn't. When it came to being faithful, he argued, he actually had a great average. He was, in his mind, overall a very good and decent man and husband - a faithful man - because he'd had lots of chances to cheat but only actually did cheat with 10 or so women over the years.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #9 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:47 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

I actually want to know what 180 said to her...

It is astonishing the she said this, truly astonishing...
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post #10 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 11:01 AM
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My favorite story about someone justifying cheating is so ridiculous that only for the fact that I was there I wouldn’t have believed it.
I used to share my apt with my best friend and her girlfriend. One night the three of us were in a bar which had separate little booths for privacy. There was a couple in the booth behind us but I don’t think they realized that everyone could hear what they were saying.
Apparently the guy had caught his gf cheating with a work colleague and was very unhappy about it. She came out with the best excuse I have ever heard.
She said her colleague was an Indian guy and his parents had arranged a marriage for him. He was very worried about his lack of experience with regards to sex so she was just helping him out with a little practice. It wasn’t cheating she said because she didn’t enjoy it.
I was trying not to laugh but one of my friends let out a huge laugh which started me off. The barman had been listening and he started laughing too.
The woman in question then got mad with her boyfriend because he wasn’t defending her. She got up to leave and her boyfriend chased after her.
The final straw was when the barman shouted to her how much did she charge for lessons.


When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #11 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 11:13 AM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I wrote this before on another thread but in my opinion it shows the mindset of some people.
When I lived in NY I met a girl at a fashion show, she was modeling at the show and was absolutely gorgeous. She left with me and ended up spending the night at my apartment.
The following morning I asked her did she want to go out for breakfast but she said no because her boyfriend or some of his friends might see us. This was the first mention of a boyfriend and I asked her why she wasn’t faithful to him. I’ve never forgotten what she replied.
She said she had been faithful “lots of times”.
I wonder if she's going to be a little bit pregnant later.

Sort of divorced.

Mostly single.

edit: Adding the quote I was responding to.

Last edited by Hiner112; 01-22-2020 at 02:27 PM.
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post #12 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:03 PM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

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Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
My fWS has recently been questioning why I'm not committed to her. Why I'm still insisting on maintaining a relationship based upon "The Charade." (Info on the Charade -*https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-charade.html*)

She wants to end the Charade and have a real relationship again. Even suggested that we get remarried. I told her I don't trust her, I don't feel safe with her, etc. She said:

Could it be partially that you don't feel you deserve my love or commitment? *Do you know what the picture looks like for you to actually feel that way?


WTH? Mind ****. As CL would say.*
Well, I wonder why you don't trust her or feel safe with her. Does she have any empathy for you?

I have to say that your wife is not lacking for self confidence.

Last edited by MattMatt; 01-23-2020 at 06:04 AM. Reason: Word Filter Violations
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post #13 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:24 PM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Sounds like she’s taking a good look at reality and her future prospects aren’t that bright. So she’s trying to hedge her bets.

I doubt it has any deeper meaning than that.
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post #14 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 01:02 PM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

I still espouse one thing in discussions subsequent to infidelity and massive disruptions in the marriage: BRUTAL HONESTY. My reply to your wife's ignorant and self serving comment would be to tell her exactly what is going through my mind, to wit: NO, YOU DO NOT YET DESERVE MY LOVE OR COMMITMENT. You showed me exactly how much you love and are committed to me by allowing another man into your life and into your body. Therefore it is incumbent on you to chase me. Period. Had one client, who pushed this to the maximum. His WW made a similar comment, trying to push him into R. He responded with the following: He advised her that the attempted rugsweep was over. He said that although they were not physically separated, he was withdrawing all support. She pays her bills, he pays his. He has his interests and activities, and she is under house arrest until she can prove trustworthy. If she does not want to work toward any solution, she is welcome to move out. The divorce will follow shortly after. He told her in no uncertain terms that he would not pursue her in any fashion. It was up to her to pursue and convince that she was worth continuing the marriage. Apparently that little diatribe left her in a state of shock and virtually she sat and processed what he said for hours after. The support withdrawal took about a month. When two of her credit cards were declined for non-payment, she started understanding what he was getting at. He grey rocked her at home. For a week or so, she got nothing but silence. He did not tell her when he was going out or for that matter where he was going. He was not dating, but he was staying out til all hours, and occasionally he would not come home. Their kids had long since grown, and she was extremely sensitive to their image of her. He held nothing back and told their children that it was highly likely he would divorce her for infidelity. That cut her like a knife to the guts. She was extremely wary of him, as she had seen what he did to her AP (exposure, complaints to his employers, and his state licensing body-Physical therapist working on his wife's chronic back pain-lost his license and all means of support). She was also very wary in that he was giving her absolutely no signals as to whether he would ever entertain reconciliation. This served to keep her focused on repairing the damage she did by any means necessary. At some point, he dropped the barriers, and let her back in. The strategy worked as far as I have seen. She knows at any time he can pull the plug, live well and have his children love and support him, whereas if he pulled the plug, she would be left with very little.

Say what you think and do what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.-Dr. Seuss
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post #15 of 69 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 02:21 PM
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Re: Stupid Stuff Cheaters Say

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
My fWS has recently been questioning why I'm not committed to her. Why I'm still insisting on maintaining a relationship based upon "The Charade." (Info on the Charade -*https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-charade.html*)

She wants to end the Charade and have a real relationship again. Even suggested that we get remarried. I told her I don't trust her, I don't feel safe with her, etc. She said:

Could it be partially that you don't feel you deserve my love or commitment? *Do you know what the picture looks like for you to actually feel that way?


WTH? Mind F*ck. As CL would say.*
Lol. I had a guy I know go through that. My advice was to respond with something like:

"Want to end the charade? Sign this post-nup my lawyer has drawn up that says that I can leave you for whatever reason I see fit, inclusive of you cheating again, and I get 75% of everything and full custody of the kids. I'll feel safe committing to you again that way, because I know there will be a consequence if you do this again."

She left.
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