You got the ILYBINILWY speech...
She wants space...
She spends much time out of the house...
You can damn near bank on her having a boyfriend.
All of that said, it doesn't sound like she was a stellar partner prior to this. On top of being a questionable partner, now it appears she is also low character.
I'm not suggesting you were a stellar partner, either. It sounds like you're beginning to recognize the ways that you were deficient. But if she does have a boyfriend, your deficiencies as a partner in no way justifies her actions.
What are you actually trying to save?
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I dont know what I'm trying to save, or if I want to anymore. Part of me wants to just dump all my thoughts onto her and see how she deals with it, making a decision based on her reaction.
not a rant, mate. Just your honest feelings expressed amongst friends.
Your drinking was not a cause of the problems, however it was a symptom.
It seems that your wife was cutting you out of her life, so you replaced her with alcohol. You might just as easily have taken up a hobby, instead, like fishing, etc.
I am not one to immediately shout: "Oh! Your husband/wife is cheating on you" but I feel it would be remiss of me not to warn you that it's possible your wife has been cheating on you, either emotionally or physically. It's possible that a lover has pressured her into becoming exclusive with them, or she just wants to play the field.
I would suggest marital counselling, is that an option?
Also, seek free initial consultations with the best divorce lawyers in your town to at least find out what your options are.
Might be worth getting checked for STDs, just in case.
There isnt much point in councelling if she doesnt know if she wants to reconcile or not. And I agree, I'm reluctant to shout cheater without solid proof. Especially considering how anti-cheating she has always been.
The STI thing is worth checking though, although we havent been intimate since October last year. Thanks.
Not much to approach, she's already given you the ILYBNILWY speech, and is on birth control , and told you to look around to find a woman who wants you.
She's checked out!!!!
Nothing you going to be able to do to make her want you.
Go and get a lawyer, and clean up this mess.
"Trial Separation," ILYBINILWY, and "Go find another woman for sex," @booned ~ are all too often code phrases for the possibility of marital cheating!
Can you safely rule out this possibility?
Please procure a lawyer to protect your rights, and if you can, start researching her social media. You may well end up being totally surprised, exactly like I was!
Im 50 / 50 on the whole thing. Part of me knows how anti-cheating she is, but the other part questions why she would say and do these things knowing that? I dont want to be all clandestine and start stalking her social media and reading her messages (I do know the passwords providing she hasnt changed them).
I've given her until the end of March to decide what she wants (if I still want the same thing at that point), then we will move towards divorce. I'm reluctant to rush into anything without 100% knowing, and she is a sensible woman and wont try to screw me over like that.