I have also read that a lot of affairs are never found out. Maybe the reason men get caught more is that they are having more affairs?

Generally when a person engages in some activity more often, they are more likely to get caught doing that activity.

Just a thought.

Maybe. Maybe not. I'd say the reason they get caught more is that they are not good at hiding it, at least not better than women.
Usually men are read like an open book when something goes wrong. They underestimate a woman's ability to understand when something's wrong and they don't put too much thought into hiding it better, thinking that they're smart enough and their woman won't find out.

I have been the receiving end of both men and women using me as a target to cheat (have not been involved with either though) and I would say I find it more disturbing when women are motivated to cheat than man.

Because watching porn doesn't give an unrealistic expectation of what to expect in a relationship and that they're justified to have an extramarital affair?

I think this is accurate. And actually almost word for word what my STBEH said.

He thought I would simply be angry but get over it.

He didn't count on me not being able to get over his EA/pa.

It's the emotional connection I saw and the way he was treating her special as if she were worth something and not just a piece of trashy butt that got to me

It's very foolish to use this forum as a control gauge to determine how many men watch porn. This is a forum for people who have broken marriages. That's like using an AA forum to determine how many people have abuse problems or daddy issues.


And you can use your own experience and think that more men cheat, that's fine. But realize that we can all do that too.

Of almost every personal couple I know that suffered from infidelity, it was the woman who cheated.

And I'm a pastor and marriage counselor. I deal with 15-20 couples per year. Not all of them are dealing with unfaithfulness, but every single one that does in my caseload contains infidelity on the wife's part. Invariably. They all have a few things in common-

1) They all read romance novels, and they all like to watch reality TV.
2) They are all married to men who are what most like to call "beta males", ones that love them dearly, rush to alleviate any discomfort their women feel, and sit around fanning them with palm leaves.
3) They are all women who work 30+ hours a week. People think that most cheating women are the stay-at-home girls and I'm sure a few of them are but the vast majority of them are working full-time or almost full-time.

Now this is not an end-all, be-all for charting the horrors of unfaithfulness. But I've been doing this for almost eight years and I have helped many, many couples. In my personal life I can also see that most of the time it is women cheating on men. Of my three best friends, let's call them Nate, Brendan and Greg, they are all divorced just like me. And also just like me, their wives cheated on them. They also fit into the three categories I mentioned earlier.

Perhaps one of the more revolting revelations I've uncovered is this: Of all the couples I counseled in which the husband physically abused the woman, none of the women cheated. They refused to leave their husbands, and they refused to hold him accountable.

The implications of these two discoveries are utterly frustrating for me.

I'm not saying that, all things being equal, women cheat more then men. What I am saying is that we have a social and legal structure that is extremely conducive to women cheating- so of course you're going to see more of one than the other. We all know who gets favored in divorce. Our very laws are constructed to secure the rights of women, not men. Google some forums and you will see women online helping other women to work the system so they can cheat and leave and get whatever they want. I say again- women who cheat are called courageous in this society- they are lauded by extreme feminist groups, and applauded for thinking of themselves first.

But this nation deserves it. That's what we get for allowing America to be emasculated.

Perhaps fewer women enjoy the thought of cheating. I know it always was waaaaay too sleazy for me.

The women however who do cheat probably are waaaay too sleazy because it goes against most women's nesting instincts.

Also, perhaps women who enjoy cheating have higher testosterone levels than men.

Higher testosterone levels increase sex drive.

I once read that most female executives have more testosterone than their male underlings.

Kind of interesting, too because most of the highly paid top female executives I worked for always seemed very masculine to me.

I think married women are more likely to cheat with married men.

The reason being that it is far easier for an average looking woman to get a better looking affair partner than it would be to get a good looking single guy.

The problem with that is when a married woman gets a more physically attractive affair partner than her husband, she usually wants to trade up and divorce her spouse.

Since most married men are likely cheating with an easier to get and thus likely less attractive women with an average looking husband, the man does NOT want to trade out his wife. He just wants an affair and easy sex.

The average looking woman with an average looking husband, also gets her ego fed by the much more attractive married affair partner they can attract, and this swells their head and makes them think they could easily find a more attractive single man to marry, if the spouse divorces them after he learns of an affair.

Sadly that is not so, but most women realize this too late.

Once a married woman with a couple of kids who has been booted for cheating starts looking for a single guy her opportunities dwindle drastically.

I think that is one reason the OW is still stalking my STBEH even though he is not interested in a real relationship with her.

Her husband booted her and now she thinks my STBEH since he is free too, was really interested in her for who she was and not just sex and some emotional ego stroking.

Her lifestyle has declined drastically, too. Instead of living in a 7000 square foot house with a gate and ten acres of land, she is now living in plain old three bedroom apt. Her husband saw too that, after I showed him the sex tapes of herself she sent to my STBEH.

^ All that crap is usually junk statistics or some idiot with a out of 100 poll.

Theres no way to really now for sure since is an act shrouded in secret.

Until just this generation, masturbation used to be something so unspoken of. So much so, polls were saying only 2 out of 10 men have masturbated before.

EDIT: In regard to what I said earlier, how it's America's own fault, here's a fun little read.

What Happens When Your Nation’s Men Are Emasculated « Chateau Heartiste

Also men have to spend money on an affair partner whereas women don't.

My STBEH's affair was outed anonymously by someone.

Still, I was starting to find suspicious charges on his credit card, and large cash withdrawals from joint accounts.

He always had an excuse for needing the money, but I think even if he wasn't outed I would have started to become suspicious.

He slipped and had to use his regular credit cards, even though he had a secret card and bank accounts I later learned.

Agreed, Elle, I never read that book, never even heard of it 'till now. I also never read romance novels past age 13.

I thought they were boring and unrealistic and silly.

Of course, I am the faithful spouse and my STBEH is the cheater.

It's true, though, that men get less attached to APs, he claims he never wanted to leave me, and still doesn't.

Oh well.

^ laughed at first white but when I saw this

Swedish preschool neutralises stereotypes with gender-free agenda

I was down right horrified.

Feminist lunatics.

Another good point.

My husband was caught this time because he was outed anonymously.

Still, now since coming to Tam and learning the red flags of a cheater, it's quite obvious he has cheated many times prior.

A secret bank account opened eight years ago in addition to the recent one I found. Moody spells, where he claimed he needed space.

Friends who often blurted out that the old boy's group wasn't going on Boy's night as often as in the past, when my STBEH was going out on BNOs , at least once a week. OOPS!

Taking phone calls suddenly at times in the garage. And on and on.