Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 11:09 AM Thread Starter
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Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 11:18 AM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

How long did the past obsessions last?

"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 11:20 AM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

180, is she in therapy? If so, have you discussed this with her therapist of ways to deal with this?
If not, maybe she should be...

Was there something specific that triggered her wanting to be a boy?
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 12:36 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Reminds me of this:


"Woman Who Thinks Sheís A Cat Leads New Civil Rights Movement"


https://www.dailywire.com/news/woman...s-hank-berrien
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 12:42 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

You know your own child so you are right to not just assume she is actually trans. Though is there really any harm in allowing her (without shame) to dress and present herself as a boy? Kids and people do change their minds about these things and do not always complete the trans trajectory, so it may just be temporary. How high is her functioning in general? Has she ever had a date/boyfriend?
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 01:00 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

This is rare, but I have known young folks who so did not want to be like their same sex parent, that they sought other options. Animals, fantasy people, opposite sex, etc.

All kids want to be a member of the opposite sex for one reason or another at some ages/times and then they align with comfort with who they are. Some are confused mentally and some not. Does she talk openly with you? Does she like the advantages she sees accorded to the opposite sex. Does she think she is a female trapped in a male's body? Life at her age is Hard. Let her know you love her no matter what. Be careful who influences her during these teen years.

I have seen personality test results from folks who declare to be trans that are a horrible mess and those that make sense. All are very vulnerable--be gentle.
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 01:11 PM
 
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

The link between gender dysphoria and autism is well-known.

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_relea...-sft071619.php


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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 03:54 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Sounds like a phase. I wouldnít give it too much attention and wait it out.
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Quote:
Originally Posted by As'laDain View Post
How long did the past obsessions last?
The being a dog thing lasted a couple years. The dino thing too. There was some overlap.


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Originally Posted by jlg07 View Post
180, is she in therapy? If so, have you discussed this with her therapist of ways to deal with this?
If not, maybe she should be...
Yes, unfortunately. I found out too late that therapists are nearly 100% brain washed to support transition no matter what. I found out that her therapist is in fact supporting this and am trying to end the contact. However, the therapist sees her at her school in between classes and the school says I can't interfere. As a last resort I'm cancelling the health insurance for this child so that perhaps the therapist will stop when she stops getting paid.
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Was there something specific that triggered her wanting to be a boy?
A friend of her's decided that she was trans. It is called "clustering." Up until then her favorite color was pink. She dressed up as a princess one Halloween and a 50's Poodle Skirt girl the next. She was a very typical pre-teen girl.

One thing though, she has always been overly concerned about getting older. Every year on her birthday she gets distraught over being older. As she got taller, almost 5'9" she was mistaken for being older and that REALLY bothered her. Then with puberty, well you can imagine, not many girls are happy about starting to bleed. She was probably the least happy "little" girl ever.

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Originally Posted by Theseus View Post
Reminds me of this:


"Woman Who Thinks Sheís A Cat Leads New Civil Rights Movement"


https://www.dailywire.com/news/woman...s-hank-berrien
Interesting. Makes sense. Thanks for that.

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
You know your own child so you are right to not just assume she is actually trans. Though is there really any harm in allowing her (without shame) to dress and present herself as a boy? Kids and people do change their minds about these things and do not always complete the trans trajectory, so it may just be temporary. How high is her functioning in general? Has she ever had a date/boyfriend?
I worry that if I don't push back on this, the encouragement of others will be persuasive. I did succeed in talking her out being a dog or dinosaur so I do have a good track record, lol.

No, she has never dated a boy or a girl. She and her friends used to talk about boys as "hot" or not but that was back before she decided to be a boy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsetmist View Post
This is rare, but I have known young folks who so did not want to be like their same sex parent, that they sought other options. Animals, fantasy people, opposite sex, etc.
Hi Sunset - yes, of course you know the whole backstory. Of course she wants to be nothing like her mother, for backstory reasons. Her mother is super feminine. She presents as the traditional hot California blond. With very frequent trips to the gym, the salon and the dermatologist to keep it up.

She, the daughter, was always more like me in her personality. Quiet, reserved, contemplative. Her mother is very boisterous and loud. So even though daughter looks a LOT more like her mother, her personality made her more attached to me. Even before the events of the backstory.
Quote:

All kids want to be a member of the opposite sex for one reason or another at some ages/times and then they align with comfort with who they are. Some are confused mentally and some not. Does she talk openly with you? Does she like the advantages she sees accorded to the opposite sex. Does she think she is a female trapped in a male's body?
Those are words she uses (male trapped in female body). I doubt that it is more than parroting what she has heard.
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 05:34 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

Comments?
What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery thatís involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.


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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 05:39 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

@One Eighty,

I am not sure if this will help, but my youngest son is transgender (female to male). For his whole life, he would have been what I considered "a tomboy" in that he was never interested in being girly and feminine. He played competitive sport well into high-school against boys, and at the time was actually kind of ground-breaking (FYI, he was a baseball player...began in peewee league and was on the varsity boys team "as a girl" in HS).

Anyway, I loved him for the person he was, and yet even as a parent I felt there was something a little off...I just couldn't put my finger on it. He wasn't really very sexual...he definitely wasn't gay (because we talked about that openly)... I figured, as s/he grew up, that s/he was just "who s/he was" and let him/her be that way, ya know? And no we didn't do both gender pronouns back then, but back in the day (1990's) she was still a she, and yet it wasn't a true representation of her "inner person."

Then, at about 25yo or so, he came out and told me he was trans...and what's truly funny is that as soon as he told me, what I thought was something like: "Oh my gosh you are so right! That's it!" In the strangest way, it was a relief to be able to have some name for whatever it was that was just off a little. Yep, he was actually a boy his whole life, and after he said it out loud, I literally felt like "Yep you are! You have been a boy your whole life"... because HE WAS!!

He transitioned--took the hormones--and eventually did the top part of GRS. He's lived as male now for 5 years or so, and this may sound strange but it is SO HIM. To me, as his parent, and yeah...as the parent who spent the most time parenting, caregiving, and raising him...it feels to me like he is finally "who he is" on the outside to match who he has always been on the inside.

Thus, my thought is that you likely know your child more closely and more intimately than any other human on the planet, including this so-called "therapist." Puberty is often/usually a time that's kind of messy in a kid's life anyway, so I'd say speak freely to your child, keep an open mind that maybe... and yet be fully honest. If you don't feel that moment of "Ah ha" like this finally makes sense, then I would not move forward on something that will very literally change your child's life FOREVER.


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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 06:17 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

@One Eighty

I think as long as you don't mock or shame her for presenting as a boy, there's no harm in just waiting this out and seeing what happens.
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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 06:20 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery thatís involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.
I don't think this would be wise because not all trans people want GRS. So there's no reason to make the assumption his daughter is thinking about this at all.

Also, for anyone who does actually want to have GRS, there is a long process before hand where you must undergo a psych eval, then live as the other sex for a period of time (usually a year), and also yes they certainly do make sure you understand what all is involved with the actual surgeries (it is usually several surgeries). So in other words, GRS is a long way off and is not necessarily her goal anyway.
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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 08:22 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Eighty View Post
My now teen aged daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism. When she was around kindergarten age, for several years, she was obsessed with dogs. She wanted to be a dog. She pretended to be a dog. She got other children to play along, to treat her like a dog. She would chew sticks. Dig holes. Growl playfully.

The other children eventually stopped enjoying this "game" and she was more or less an outcast, until we told her to stop pretending to be a dog when around other children. She resisted this for a long time. She preferred to be an outcast over giving up on her dream of becoming a dog.

At some point she also became obsessed with the movie series, "Land Before Time" and wanted to be a dinosaur. Specifically, a Brontosaurus. She started eating grass. She told me that she thought that if she ate enough grass, she would actually become a Brontosaurus.

You can see the recurring theme here. She wants to become things that she can never become. I'm sure there are some surgeries and drug protocols that would turn her into a more dog like human than any other human but she will never be a dog. She will also never be a boy and her desire to become a boy is as much a sign of mental dysfunction as her desire to become a dog or a dinosaur. Only now she has a plethora of other children, and even adults, cheering her on, telling her this is great, go with it.

I am not making a general statement about all trans people, I'm just saying that for my child, this trans drive seems to be caused by a mental dysfunction. She never had any signs of this until one of her grade school friends came out as trans, then another, then suddenly she was as well.

Comments?
I'm in lockstep with your assessment. There is a difference between someone who makes an informed choice with proven mental health and someone who is not healthy.

Government overreach on this is happening in the UK and it is disgusting.
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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 08:24 PM
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Re: Child with Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
What does your daughter really know about the process of gender reassignment, not just the emotional aspects of wanting to be male but the actual reassignment surgery thatís involved.
This may sound cruel and it probably is but have you considered showing her the procedures which she will have to undertake and explaining the physical requirements that any gender reassignment candidate must go through before surgery is even considered.
I think this would be a good idea for a mentally healthy person but not a child with autism.
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