He sounds a lot like my son's father.. my ex.
Does act like this towards you in regards to things that are not related to the children? Does he pick on your for things that you do because they do not fit his idea of who they should be done?
Has he always been controlling? If not, when did he start?
He has lectured me about not doing enough around the house. We both work full time jobs. We share house work and include the kids' portion of their chores. I really think this has something to do with his heart attack he had 16 years ago. At the beginning I understood because he lost a bit of himself at such a young age, but now that it's been so long, I feel he can not use that as an excuse any longer. I have always been a clean freak and always kept up on the house hold duties. I really never asked much from him when we were single except to do the outside chores and trash. When we started having kids, he ended up having to quit his job to be a stay at home dad. This was fine for a little while, but I felt he was starting to lose more of himself because he had no adult interaction until I got home from work. When we had our 4th child I had started to suggest to him that maybe it was time he went back to work. He became very reluctant and started using his health condition as a reason to stay home.
After my mom passed last year, I asked him if he thought it was time to go back to work? Reluctantly, he said he would only because our youngest was beginning fulltime pre-k last august. We did have an argument again about household chores. He has a tendency to bring home, I feel, useless items, like a trailer that was not able to be licensed and just collected junk he "was going to throw away" but stayed in the yard for years. So I asked him to get rid of it because it was not beneficial for us to have it. He became really upset and started complaining about my "useless" stuff, like my crafts, that make us money, so I ended up having a mental break down because with just losing my mom, who I was very close to, not having my none of my brothers and sisters in my life, and with him never wanting to compromise, I just couldn't take it.
We mended that issue, so I thought, and enlisted my dad to take the kids during the summer when my hubby went back to work and then take them to school since we go to work really early. This is when more extreme behavior began, which I am sure, he hates the fact that I "forced" him to go back to work when he didn't want to. So he has been more apt to complain about everything more often since he began working. With me being the only source of income, was starting to wear on me because I have had a lot of stress related health issues and felt I couldn't be free to stay home sick because we would lose out of the money for our home. This is another reason I requested he go back to work to help me with that stress.
At this point in our lives, I feel, when it comes to our household duties, he is never happy. He always finds something to complain about. But I am not sure why it's only related to the chores, me undermining him and the "kids not listening."