Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 03:55 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

Just my observation but it's always seemed that the prom queen type woman is always more attracted to the "jerk" type of guy. That seems to certainly fit this situation.

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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 04:13 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

Well, it's common knowledge that women are generally attracted to "bad boys" who take risks and look cool. But I don't think many actually end up marrying these types unless they are loaded.

It's hypocrisy to criticize men for being shallow and consider looks in a woman, but rationalize it when women look at a man's status and wealth while considering him for a mate. Men and women both want different things in a mate and there are evolutionary reasons for it.
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 02:48 AM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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Just my observation but it's always seemed that the prom queen type woman is always more attracted to the "jerk" type of guy. That seems to certainly fit this situation.

I can't speak to the "jerk" part of the quote because it's a subjective term but I can assure you that "hot" women may not get asked out as much as you would think because a lot of guys are too intimidated to try.

My wife was the most strikingly beautiful woman I had ever seen when I was in college. She had blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that just melted me. That didn't stop me from pursuing her but she told me that she had gone out with several guys who acted weirdly around her.

She said that they fawned all over her and genuinely acted like she was so far out of their league that she was unable to find them attractive, even though she said some of them were initially.

I've never been accused of being a nice guy but have been called a jerk on occasion by my wife. I'll admit that I'm very assertive and have always taken what I wanted when it came to certain things in life.

Whatever the case, apparently my wife liked being treated like every other woman instead of guys swooning all around her. She preferred the confident, I could take you or leave you type of attitude I had at the time.

Now, I'd like to think that I've improved on some of those shortcomings I've had over the years and I think I have as my wife hasn't referred to me as a jerk in probably 15 years. Perhaps I've just mellowed some with age. Who knows.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 06:15 AM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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Just my observation but it's always seemed that the prom queen type woman is always more attracted to the "jerk" type of guy. That seems to certainly fit this situation.
Its a stereotype.
I think many jealous men like to portray "the winner" as a jerk, otherwise they would be seen to be losers, they tried and failed, and they are then placed below him in perceived status and that would never do.
He is therefore an "idiotic jerk" and she is just a "dumb blonde" who cannot see it...
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 12:25 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

If my memory serves me right, the "Prom Queen" is elected among peers.

It takes more than her looks to gain respect, her character must be admirable.

Whether your husband casted his vote in her name or not, he may very well have considered you as his wife the better in character and looks, yet, his opinion of you or her isn't enough to change her title. She is liked most by her peers, and married a man who is liked least by his peers.
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 02:42 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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Its a stereotype.
I think many jealous men like to portray "the winner" as a jerk, otherwise they would be seen to be losers, they tried and failed, and they are then placed below him in perceived status and that would never do.
He is therefore an "idiotic jerk" and she is just a "dumb blonde" who cannot see it...

Or maybe these high value women just like a challenge. Men who swoon over them are not up to the challenge. They are just yes men. These women want someone who can push back when needed and be assertive. Some may call them "jerks" but they don't have to be.
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 03:07 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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Thanks, that does shed a different light on things, especially since my husband isn't superficial, so that statement he made seemed out of character.

Just on the topic of " prom queen" perspective, I'm curious on why most people always assume that an attractive female married to a jerk is without any flaw, judging only by her looks? Logically, wouldn't one conclude that since she married this guy, she must either be mean like him, have low self esteem, or have low intelligence based on that decision she made? Just interested in this psychological occurance. Thanks!
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Without going too deep. People are instantly impacted by appearance.

It was a picture displayed at work and your H had a first look reaction. Happens with women too.

I have never been impressed with women who date or marry jerks regardless of what they look like but a strong juvenile streak does appear to exist in many regarding looks.
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2015, 09:25 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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I'm not really sure that makes you shallow. In fact, maybe it just means that you got what you wanted. If a guy wants a "hot" wife above all else, and then married one, how can we then be accusatory toward him?

Conversely, if a woman wants security and some degree of wealth and places importance on that above all else, how can we say she was shallow when she achieves said goal?

Just because someone is willing to do something that some of us may not do, does not mean we get to judge them.
I agree, my thought is that to don't get to complain about the qualities you end up with that you didn't place enough value on to consider. If your only goal is a hot wife and you get one, you can't complain about any other quality she may have because nothing else was important enough to consider.

Same with women who marry for money. If money is the only thing that concerns you that means you're willingly signing up for whatever else he brings, be it nice guy or selfish ahole.

Make sure that which is important to you is considered. Here's one suggestion for the guys that want a hot wife: try to make sure she's into you. If you convince a hot woman to put out that doesn't translate to her being hot for you, it only means she'll put up with you long enough for you to get off. You don't get to complain about duty or corpse sex. If you want more enthusiastic sex find a woman who's into you.
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-15-2015, 11:59 AM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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I think this is the heart of the matter. And not even so much what men or women talk about first, but what is more or less important.

Attractive women often will marry down on attractiveness in exchange for a high earner/wealthy man. Men will often accept a woman who isn't as intelligent or not nice person in exchange for a hot wife.

If you are capable of the above, you are shallow.
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Marrying for looks is pretty shallow too.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-15-2015, 12:07 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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I can't speak to the "jerk" part of the quote because it's a subjective term but I can assure you that "hot" women may not get asked out as much as you would think because a lot of guys are too intimidated to try.

My wife was the most strikingly beautiful woman I had ever seen when I was in college. She had blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that just melted me. That didn't stop me from pursuing her but she told me that she had gone out with several guys who acted weirdly around her.

She said that they fawned all over her and genuinely acted like she was so far out of their league that she was unable to find them attractive, even though she said some of them were initially.

I've never been accused of being a nice guy but have been called a jerk on occasion by my wife. I'll admit that I'm very assertive and have always taken what I wanted when it came to certain things in life.

Whatever the case, apparently my wife liked being treated like every other woman instead of guys swooning all around her. She preferred the confident, I could take you or leave you type of attitude I had at the time.

Now, I'd like to think that I've improved on some of those shortcomings I've had over the years and I think I have as my wife hasn't referred to me as a jerk in probably 15 years. Perhaps I've just mellowed some with age. Who knows.
This is a perfect example of beta behavior, whereas this is alpha behavior. So it's not surprising that she found you more attractive than those other guys.


Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"

Last edited by tech-novelist; 08-15-2015 at 12:07 PM. Reason: Fixed underlining.
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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-15-2015, 02:02 PM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

People wonder how this guy --- the president of France has been able to score with two hot women.



and the mother of his 4 children:



But the world now knows that at least that last one was psycho.
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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 01:42 AM
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Re: Why do men base someone's worth off of their appearance? The prom queen syndrome

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Ok, this is definitely a somewhat petty and kind of offhand question, so don't fret that I'm really worried at all regardless of what my husband is thinking, I just am asking out of pure curiosity..and I know that not ALL men think this way.
Tonight, me and my husband were chatting about life,etc and he's in a very stressed out place with his job. He then offhandedly told me that one co worker who is a complete jerk to everyone in the office was showing off photos of his recent wedding. My husband then tells me that he doesn't understand how a jerk like that gets to marry a prom queen...I may be reading into it, but it caught me off guard, because I don't think my husband is superficial enough to base someone's worth off of their looks alone, yet he has never met the woman and seems to think she's God's gift or something. Well, this made me feel slightly inadequate and almost feeling like he was implying that he feels like he deserves more than this co worker and is jealous that he got to marry a prom queen. Can I have some sort of answer from both men and women on this? Seems like this is a common string of thought for men, when looking at a slightly unattractive man with an attractive woman...whereas my viewpoint as a woman would have me thinking that if I know a bad person who just got married....whether their spouse is attractive or not, if I haven't met them, I probably judge their spouse as equally bad or just unintelligent...
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Harsh reality is most men are shallow. The frequency of affairs and divorce in Hollywood is all the proof you need. Those people are no different than your average citizen except they are much better looking and caught a few breaks along the way. They change marriages like wardrobes because they are able to. That is why Being John Malkovich was such a brilliant film. Give your average good guy husband access to 20-something Brad Pitt's body for 30 days and watch him turn into a total sh!t...
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