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post #31 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 12:44 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

Rocker Husband here.
PM me.

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post #32 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 12:49 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Rocker Husband here.
PM me.
...?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #33 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 12:49 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

A few gallons of Ben & Jerrys should cure your problem.
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post #34 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 12:55 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

No, don't tell your husband you like his friend. It will cause 10000s of other problems. He will always suspect you forever.
Work on yourself and ridding him from your mind.
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post #35 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 01:13 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Originally Posted by RockerWife View Post
Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me. I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!
Is his recent drinking related at all with you getting more fit?

A reaction, a cycle?

Is it related to finding other guys more attractive?

Is your husband a strong man? Resilient?
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post #36 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 02:20 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Don't forget to take into account that he is an alcholic that relapse as well. Her husband is no prize either, his affection is towards the bottle and he attacks her verbally. He is not in the relationship because his relationship is the bottle.

Perhaps he trapped her into marrying him when he stayed sober. After the wedding, he relapsed quickly. It is a possibility as well. His alcholism is a priority before his wife, since it affects how she feels towards him as well.

So the man who was there for her is unavailable due to his own issues. Without a marriage lisence, they are no more than roommates, and her an emotional punching bag.
Sir,
She indicated together 9 years, he started drinking 5 years ago but stopped cold turkey (no time given) and then started up again at the wedding, which was recent (a month ago) so, based on the information at hand, he has been off the wagon for a month.

We do not know how long the stint was 5 years ago but in initial post she does not mention any of his negative traits. However, before that they should have had 4 years drink free in addition to whatever time of the past five he was on the wagon. He may have been drinking less than a year for all we know or as many as 5. It is not disclosed. Not until she began getting posts berating her position does she divulge his faults.

In the last paragraph of my OP I addressed his problem and a possible solution they could work on together. Also, we do know the OM drinks as they became acquainted "doing shots" at an event. It would appear that men who drink alcohol do not necessarily repulse her, possibly until she marries them. We all are prone to supposition on these boards but since she did not ask for help with her alcoholic H but rather for herself, to "forget" the OM, I assumed he was not her primary issue and responded accordingly. If she desires to remain married to her H, then she can post on the "marriage and addictions" board for help with that.

Peace and long life
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post #37 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:28 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Rocker Husband here.
PM me.

Are you RockerWife's husband??
OMG!
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post #38 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:40 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Sir,
She indicated together 9 years, he started drinking 5 years ago but stopped cold turkey (no time given) and then started up again at the wedding, which was recent (a month ago) so, based on the information at hand, he has been off the wagon for a month.

We do not know how long the stint was 5 years ago but in initial post she does not mention any of his negative traits. However, before that they should have had 4 years drink free in addition to whatever time of the past five he was on the wagon. He may have been drinking less than a year for all we know or as many as 5. It is not disclosed. Not until she began getting posts berating her position does she divulge his faults.

In the last paragraph of my OP I addressed his problem and a possible solution they could work on together. Also, we do know the OM drinks as they became acquainted "doing shots" at an event. It would appear that men who drink alcohol do not necessarily repulse her, possibly until she marries them. We all are prone to supposition on these boards but since she did not ask for help with her alcoholic H but rather for herself, to "forget" the OM, I assumed he was not her primary issue and responded accordingly. If she desires to remain married to her H, then she can post on the "marriage and addictions" board for help with that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RockerWife View Post
He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me.
You asked her what steps she can take to be a loving wife. Her connecting with him is not going to solve his drinking if what she stated is true, nor make him treat her better.

I suggested she detach and seek help for herself. It will be hard to work on a relationship when both have issues.

Also, is it possible that the both of them do actions that makes their relationship weaker. Her hugging him, telling him that she loves him, will not stop him from drinking if what she stated is true.

All I know is that he started drinking again during the wedding. If he has continued from then onwards, I made that assumption because it sounds like it. All she posted was that he was cold turkey until the wedding and now he drinks everyday.

Is it possible that his actions caused her to detach from him, making her love him less? Neglect and abuse are some reasons why couples fall out of love. These actions cause the bond to fade.

True, the alcohol does not repulse her, but is it possible that his actions under the influence affect the outcome. One guy seems like fun and when she talks to her husband, she stated he attacks her.

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post #39 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:47 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Are you RockerWife's husband??
OMG!
Something in this thread is a miss.....DUDE
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post #40 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:52 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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Originally Posted by nirvana View Post
Are you RockerWife's husband??
OMG!

Hmm, didn't pay attention to that post. Weird situation. Well, I guess we will find out a lot of what is going on soon.


I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #41 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 04:32 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

@NoChoice I missed that.

Very interesting that she bemoans his drinking problem and yet does shots at the bar with Mr HottyPantsSuperStar.

Hmm.
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post #42 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 04:41 PM
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I think this thread is a troll? Probably two pimple faced teenagers messing w us.
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post #43 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 04:53 PM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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This. Counseling. Many women have strayed after improving their physical shape. You have to learn to enforce stronger boundaries and learn to work through greater temptation. Don't blow this off or ignore it and include your husband as well.

You are absolutely a candidate to become a cheater if you don't deal with this and learn to control it.
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This...

OP, I know EXACTLY where you are at and trust me on this...You are heading toward an affair. How do I know? I've been there, I've done that. My marriage wasn't going too well and I "thought" I could fix things by getting fit and healthy. I lost 50lbs, and once that was off, I packed on some considerable muscle in an effort to "reignite" the passion. Well, it backfired on me because I have issues of my own and I did not know how to establish boundaries...with other women. And they began taking notice of me. Due to my deep rooted issues (self esteem and Histrionic Personality Disorder), I loved the attention I was getting from these women and it escalated.

Stop this before it is too late. I suspect that when you look in the mirror, you still see that overweight former self and you crave validation through others, yes? I know I sure did.

Wanna save your marriage? Take @ConanHub's and other's advice and seek out counseling...Unless you really wann just throw caution to the wind and wreck your marriage and a few lives along with it. Just my .02, good luck.
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post #44 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-21-2015, 12:11 AM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

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@NoChoice I missed that.

Very interesting that she bemoans his drinking problem and yet does shots at the bar with Mr HottyPantsSuperStar.

Hmm.
Not to mention that alcohol can make you gain weight.
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post #45 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-21-2015, 03:28 AM
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Re: I lost weight, but now my eyes wander

You know, now that I think of it, all my favorite rock stars are openly monogamous.
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