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post #76 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-15-2015, 11:31 PM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

OP, you guys need to change your eating lifestyles. Lead by example. Suggest to her, "hey why don't we change our eating habits".

A book that I think really does a great job of explaining eating to not only maintain a healthy weight but also for overall health is called 'The Schwarzbein Principle'

I'm a multi Ironman finisher (with respectable times, not just walking the marathon), countless endurance events I've done since my teenage years and yet I follow the Schwarzbein plan. Not for weight but for things like skin health, nail health, etc.

You need to look at what and how much you are eating. Log into Fitday. You can easily fit 30 minutes of exercise into your daily routine. And you don't need to do Ironman races to have success. Even light exercise does wonders to lower your blood sugar and help eliminate metabolic syndrome.

When I was married my ex wife ended up following how I ate and when she did, she lost weight. When she didn't, she gained weight....

Weight is not only huge for attraction, but for health, job prospects, confidence. So much more than just if someone has a little bulge.

And for those with high BMI but able to do fitness events, what is typically the case with most is that the working out is just masking bad eating habits. As soon as they stop working out, boom their weight blows up. Very common.

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post #77 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 08:22 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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LOL! 10/12. Haha! But remember, 5 feet tall. I AM a chunk. Do I consider myself obese? Nope. Does the BMI chart? Yup. And apparently some in this thread do too.

I am perfectly healthy. I don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, zero health issues. A little out of shape, but could run from zombies if need be. I work with women my height who all cry if their 4's get too tight. I even used to run with them. Could outrun them back in the day. Was still the "fat friend."

I'm 95% ok with my size now. My point was that staying "in shape" is NOT easy for some of us. I worked my arse off. Used TWO phone apps to track every calorie that went into my mouth, exercised for hours a day. Was religious about it for two years straight. Still had "meat." But I am propagating an "obesity is ok" mindset according to some this thread? Right.
This is the reason why you should not brag about wearing a size 6 or 8. Because without the other dimensions, it's meaningless.

My experience is that every man believes that a woman over 120 pounds is fat ...... no ifs, ands or buts. So I've leaend not to give out measurements. If a guy likes what he sees, why burst the bubble?

So you come here to brag about wearing a size 6 while we are contemplating the Hobson's choices of a disgruntled husband to his wife gaining an average amount of weight over 25 years of marriage.

Hoo-kay.
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post #78 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 08:31 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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My experience is that every man believes that a woman over 120 pounds is fat ...... no ifs, ands or buts. So I've leaend not to give out measurements. If a guy likes what he sees, why burst the bubble?
Yikes, you need to find other men to hang around as that is so far off base (but I understand just based on your personal experience)
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post #79 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 08:41 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Yikes, you need to find other men to hang around as that is so far off base (but I understand just based on your personal experience)

I hope there's not some insult in there like "you are what you attract" or some such.

I ha e stopped giving out my weight. And I no longer have this problem. So one of those may be lurking around, I don't know......
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post #80 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 08:46 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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I hope there's not some insult in there like "you are what you attract" or some such.

I ha e stopped giving out my weight. And I no longer have this problem. So one of those may be lurking around, I don't know......
Huh, you lost me You said:

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My experience is that every man believes that a woman over 120 pounds is fat
My comment is that is so far off base to think that every man believes that way. I understand you are basing this on your personal experience, but it is wrong to apply to all (or even a majority) of men.
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post #81 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 09:07 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Huh, you lost me You said:



My comment is that is so far off base to think that every man believes that way. I understand you are basing this on your personal experience, but it is wrong to apply to all (or even a majority) of men.
Maybe it depends on what your age is. You'll find here and there men bragging about having wives who wear size 2 or 4. Maybe these are men of a certain age. You never know. And you , @EllisRedding, are very young and used to heavier women (as younger women are.)

Quote:
Yikes, you need to find other men to hang around as that is so far off base (but I understand just based on your personal experience)
Just want to make sure that you are not suggesting that there is something wrong with me and that's why I keep attracting the wrong men.....

which is why a lot of people on message boards try to do.
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post #82 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 09:33 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Maybe it depends on what your age is. You'll find here and there men bragging about having wives who wear size 2 or 4. Maybe these are men of a certain age. You never know. And you , @EllisRedding, are very young and used to heavier women (as younger women are.)



Just want to make sure that you are not suggesting that there is something wrong with me and that's why I keep attracting the wrong men.....

which is why a lot of people on message boards try to do.
I honestly know nothing about your story or men, so definitely not implying anything there (nor would I).

I personally prefer a woman to have a little extra than not enough

I do appreciate making me feel like a young whipper snapper again calling me very young
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post #83 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-16-2015, 09:33 PM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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I honestly know nothing about your story or men, so definitely not implying anything there (nor would I).

I personally prefer a woman to have a little extra than not enough

I do appreciate making me feel like a young whipper snapper again calling me very young
Ellis, OT but I love that avatar thanks for the chuckle.

Lionel Ritchie is only guy on the planet who can pick up women with a simple "Hello". HAHA
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post #84 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 01:04 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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I disagree that 20-25 pounds is a health issue. Even on a petite woman. Unless she was heavy to start with and it sounds like she was not. That one size up; two at the MOST if her body composition changed as well.
You can disagree but there is a wealth of data that says you are wrong. Again, I emphasize this is not about appearance, but about health.

For an average petit woman, say around 130 lbs, a 20-25 lb change is a 15% weight change. It is definitely material. If your blood pressure or cholesterol increased that much, you'd be discussing meds with your physician.

There is a wealth of data linking weight gains of this amount and more leading to much higher risk of cardiovascular and other health issues with age. People manage in their 30s and 40s carrying the extra weight while the pipes are relatively young but they start paying the price in their 50s and above.
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post #85 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 09:30 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Ellis, OT but I love that avatar thanks for the chuckle.

Lionel Ritchie is only guy on the planet who can pick up women with a simple "Hello". HAHA
Haha, so true. The only other person who could possibly match Lionel ... Lando Calrissian



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post #86 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by EnjoliWoman View Post
I disagree that 20-25 pounds is a health issue. Even on a petite woman. Unless she was heavy to start with and it sounds like she was not. That one size up; two at the MOST if her body composition changed as well.
You can disagree but there is a wealth of data that says you are wrong. Again, I emphasize this is not about appearance, but about health.

For an average petit woman, say around 130 lbs, a 20-25 lb change is a 15% weight change. It is definitely material. If your blood pressure or cholesterol increased that much, you'd be discussing meds with your physician.

There is a wealth of data linking weight gains of this amount and more leading to much higher risk of cardiovascular and other health issues with age. People manage in their 30s and 40s carrying the extra weight while the pipes are relatively young but they start paying the price in their 50s and above.
If that were the case I'd really be worried about myself right now, but again it all depends on the individual. I just found at my Drs appt last week I'm almost 20 pounds heavier than I was 3 years ago. Being petite (under 5'2") & a starting weight of 95 pounds, that's over 20% increase in 3 years since my car accident & if you looked at me you'd never consider me overweight even now. Sure I'm not where I'd like to be, I miss my flat stomach & have a little bit of a roll over my belt/hips that bothers me (I do love the bigger boobs) but I'm still far thinner than the average 40-something woman. It all depends how you carry it.
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post #87 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 10:09 AM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
This is the reason why you should not brag about wearing a size 6 or 8. Because without the other dimensions, it's meaningless.

My experience is that every man believes that a woman over 120 pounds is fat ...... no ifs, ands or buts. So I've leaend not to give out measurements. If a guy likes what he sees, why burst the bubble?

So you come here to brag about wearing a size 6 while we are contemplating the Hobson's choices of a disgruntled husband to his wife gaining an average amount of weight over 25 years of marriage.

Hoo-kay.
I think you misunderstood my point. LOL!

I wasn't bragging. I was DISMAYED at the time. A 6/8 was still "thick" on me. But there LITERALLY wasn't a single thing more that I could do to get smaller, aside from literally starving myself. I ate 1200 very well balanced calories a day. ZERO processed foods at the time. ZERO refined sugar. Very limited fats, mostly fiber and proteins. I researched and experimented, drove my family nuts with my obsession. Add that to 3-4 hours of working out PER DAY??? Cardio, weights, strength, yoga, you name it. And again, I had the resting heart rate of an Olympic athlete (per my doctor, yes, in those exact words.) So I obviously was in VERY good cardiac shape!

Round IS a shape. LOL!

My point was that is just isn't easy for some people to stay or even BE thin, in my case.
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post #88 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 12:16 PM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

You know, SHE might not have a problem with it. When I was 20, I weighed 125 at 5'7". I thought I could stand to loose a few pounds and critiqued every tiny spot that I thought should be perfect. I now see my daughter who is shaped a lot like I was. I see a beautiful girl at 140 pounds! She is fit and lovely at a size 6, 5'7" and 37-30-37 Why I thought that was fat back then, I have no idea! I was just hyper-critical. I have no intention of ever being 125 pounds again. I'm not lazy. I have been training to run a 5K and I'm almost there.

No, it's because I'm HAPPY with me! And I divorced my ex who was hyper critical who might still have muscle but had a protruding gut. I no longer strive for perfection because life it too short to stress over the tiny things. As long as I'm healthy and attractive I'm COMFORTABLE in my own skin. A little pudge and all. Because I don't sweat the small stuff. I realize that life is short and it's OK to not be what I used to be - I'm certainly not the same person I was in every other way.

Maybe she looks in the mirror and thinks "not bad for a 40-something mother!" and is HAPPY. She probably looks around and sees 70% of women her age are quite a bit bigger. Maybe it has zero to do with her husband and everything with being happy with who she is.


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post #89 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 12:24 PM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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Originally Posted by sapientia View Post
You can disagree but there is a wealth of data that says you are wrong. Again, I emphasize this is not about appearance, but about health.

For an average petit woman, say around 130 lbs, a 20-25 lb change is a 15% weight change. It is definitely material. If your blood pressure or cholesterol increased that much, you'd be discussing meds with your physician.

There is a wealth of data linking weight gains of this amount and more leading to much higher risk of cardiovascular and other health issues with age. People manage in their 30s and 40s carrying the extra weight while the pipes are relatively young but they start paying the price in their 50s and above.
At 20 I was 125 pounds, 5'7". A healthy BMI for 5'7" is 120lbs to 155 pounds. Therefore a 25 pound weight gain would STILL have me 10 pounds under the highest healthy BMI for my height.

At 175 I'm overweight which would indicate a weight gain of 50 pounds over 27 years. But my BP, cholesterol, blood sugar and all other blood work is great and my resting heart rate is always in the low 60s. I'm healthier than I've ever been

And then there are skinny people with zero muscle tone. My point is, weight gain doesn't always mean fat and it doesn't always mean unhealthy. And being slim doesn't always mean healthy. So gaining 25 pounds doesn't mean much, especially without knowing her lifestyle, height or starting weight.


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post #90 of 110 (permalink) Old 12-17-2015, 12:26 PM
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Re: Really bothered by wifes weight gain.

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I hope there's not some insult in there like "you are what you attract" or some such.

I ha e stopped giving out my weight. And I no longer have this problem. So one of those may be lurking around, I don't know......
I'm 129 pounds and 5'1. My abs are flat, waist small etc. I do want to lose four pounds; 125 is my ideal weight. If I went down to 120 my face would look sick and people would wonder if I was anorexic.

Last edited by Heatherknows; 12-17-2015 at 12:31 PM.
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