i need to find out what to do in my situation. I am married to a man who informed me today that he thinks he needs psych help.
I have noticed this for along time….but I think he is finally feeling the impact. I’m going to try to keep this short.
He is very angry….a lot. But, on the good days…we are amazing together. Very happy….we are “one”..
and extremely loving and intimate. But on the bad days — we are awful
He gets extremely angry when I need to go anywhere to work. He sees even my bosses as a threat. He suspects I am having sex with them while I”m in the office. He calls or texts constantly - and if he doesn’t get an answer right back, he starts texting “i can’d do this anymore…you are leaving me no choice…i’m a fool….I can’t believe you are doing this to me…..All I did was love you and care for you…”
When I get out of a meeting or whatever - and explain - he gets mad but apologizes too. We make up - everything is back together and we go on fine for a day or 2 and then it hits again.
His anger usually ends with him insinuating that we will not survive. He says he is failing me and then tells me that I am not the compatible with him because I like to work and earn money. Then he will say “so you think we should just end this??” I will say “NO! How dare you talk about divorce AGAIN and he will tell me he’s just testing me to see if this is what I really want because he doesn’t see me happy. I cry — I fight - I scream and he screams back worse..and then somehow we wake up the next morning with him like a puppy dog begging me to never leave him.
this morning, he went through my brief case and found a pay check I hadn’t cashed and was saving. ( he spends too much money and I worry) He accused me of trying to stock pile money to leave and freaked out on me. He broke down crying and told me he thinks he is going to die. He feels that something is wrong and he can’t live in this horrible state anymore. He says I make him feel like a horrible failure because I don’t smile like I used to…and all we do is fight.
The worst is I tried to leave the house during a fight a few months ago and he yanked my arm — begging me to stay and I didn’t budge and he dislocated my shoulder and broke my elbow. I was horrified and confided in a family member and now she told everyone and they all are begging me to leave my husband and HE is so mad at ME because I told them what happened and that I felt it wasn’t an “accident’ like he told the hospital.
I told him I needed to seek a therapist to talk to someone and he told me I needed to lie about what happened because he didn’t want to get arrested. He literally told me SCREAMING that if I told someone and he got arrested - he would leave me forever.
This morning, during his melt down - he said that one of his friends told someone at work what they heard about my arm and he now believes he will be fired. He has a meeting with his boss next Monday (called by the boss). He says he fears unemployment and threatened to sell our house and have us move in with his parents — even though I make more than most family do ….he lives and is accustomed to a very lavish lifestyle….
There’s a lot that I haven’t covered here - but this is the most recent. I talked to a friend tonight who BEGGED me to leave him tomorrow - when he goes to work and just disappear. I am so scared. This man is my life….I love him despite the toxicity….that is very obvious. I don’t want him to hurt…I can’t IMAGINE my life without him…and in makes me ill.
But he now says he feels he’s dying…his career is over because of what I TOLD PEOPLE….(truth) and that he can’t even get excited about leaving the house anymore… he literally asked me if I thought he needed a treatment center???
I am so sad. Very alone — terrified and I feel I will BREAK DOWN ASAP if I leave him…my entire life has been about HIM and when he needs me or wants me…I don’t know how to be me at all anymore….
What advice might you offer? Please?
I have noticed this for along time….but I think he is finally feeling the impact. I’m going to try to keep this short.
He is very angry….a lot. But, on the good days…we are amazing together. Very happy….we are “one”..
and extremely loving and intimate. But on the bad days — we are awful
He gets extremely angry when I need to go anywhere to work. He sees even my bosses as a threat. He suspects I am having sex with them while I”m in the office. He calls or texts constantly - and if he doesn’t get an answer right back, he starts texting “i can’d do this anymore…you are leaving me no choice…i’m a fool….I can’t believe you are doing this to me…..All I did was love you and care for you…”
When I get out of a meeting or whatever - and explain - he gets mad but apologizes too. We make up - everything is back together and we go on fine for a day or 2 and then it hits again.
His anger usually ends with him insinuating that we will not survive. He says he is failing me and then tells me that I am not the compatible with him because I like to work and earn money. Then he will say “so you think we should just end this??” I will say “NO! How dare you talk about divorce AGAIN and he will tell me he’s just testing me to see if this is what I really want because he doesn’t see me happy. I cry — I fight - I scream and he screams back worse..and then somehow we wake up the next morning with him like a puppy dog begging me to never leave him.
this morning, he went through my brief case and found a pay check I hadn’t cashed and was saving. ( he spends too much money and I worry) He accused me of trying to stock pile money to leave and freaked out on me. He broke down crying and told me he thinks he is going to die. He feels that something is wrong and he can’t live in this horrible state anymore. He says I make him feel like a horrible failure because I don’t smile like I used to…and all we do is fight.
The worst is I tried to leave the house during a fight a few months ago and he yanked my arm — begging me to stay and I didn’t budge and he dislocated my shoulder and broke my elbow. I was horrified and confided in a family member and now she told everyone and they all are begging me to leave my husband and HE is so mad at ME because I told them what happened and that I felt it wasn’t an “accident’ like he told the hospital.
I told him I needed to seek a therapist to talk to someone and he told me I needed to lie about what happened because he didn’t want to get arrested. He literally told me SCREAMING that if I told someone and he got arrested - he would leave me forever.
This morning, during his melt down - he said that one of his friends told someone at work what they heard about my arm and he now believes he will be fired. He has a meeting with his boss next Monday (called by the boss). He says he fears unemployment and threatened to sell our house and have us move in with his parents — even though I make more than most family do ….he lives and is accustomed to a very lavish lifestyle….
There’s a lot that I haven’t covered here - but this is the most recent. I talked to a friend tonight who BEGGED me to leave him tomorrow - when he goes to work and just disappear. I am so scared. This man is my life….I love him despite the toxicity….that is very obvious. I don’t want him to hurt…I can’t IMAGINE my life without him…and in makes me ill.
But he now says he feels he’s dying…his career is over because of what I TOLD PEOPLE….(truth) and that he can’t even get excited about leaving the house anymore… he literally asked me if I thought he needed a treatment center???
I am so sad. Very alone — terrified and I feel I will BREAK DOWN ASAP if I leave him…my entire life has been about HIM and when he needs me or wants me…I don’t know how to be me at all anymore….
What advice might you offer? Please?