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post #61 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-19-2016, 11:14 AM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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Originally Posted by spotthedeaddog View Post
With a separation, a simple phone call to the ex will clear matters up.
If they've separated and she is left single looking after the two young children I would suggest that her cooperation level might not be all that high upon receiving a phone call "I'm ringing to check that you and your H are separated. I think he's wonderful and my soul mate and I wanted to be sure he is separated so that we can have loads of sex."

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post #62 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-19-2016, 11:18 AM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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I am getting there... It's making me more angry every day. I haven't talked to her in a few days.. I'm debating ripping her - or just completely avoiding her. I'm going to avoid route for now.

Her BF is history now... They fully broke up. I would warn him, but seriously he's dodging a bullet by leaving. So I think he will be thanking his lucky stars.
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I wouldn't do either. You might think it will make you feel better ripping into her but it will just bring the drama into your life and avoiding her just makes you into the passive aggressive . Be honest, tell her straight up that you cannot condone what she is doing and you don't want to be any part of it.
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post #63 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-19-2016, 01:40 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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100% I agree with this.... I'm seeing her in a whole new light. If she can have such an easy time cheating with this guy, having seen pictures of him with his wife, two young babies... What else would she do? My husband will be far far away from this one. Although I trust my husband if she pulled anything on him, he would tell me and tell her right off. But knowing all this, she would never ever be allowed to be a part of my close circle and I will have no issues telling her why.
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I'd take a little more stock in the Happy Birthday Wish if I was you. Do you text her boyfriend Happy Birthday? How did she know it was your hubby's birthday, did you tell her or was it important enough to her to remember? Also you need to recognize that every married woman alive thinks their husband won't cheat on them ... until they do. You stated that after her relationship with the MM blows up you may consider letting her back in your circle of friends, well seems to me that would be the worst time to re-bond with her as she'll be looking for fresh meat, i.e your husband possibly. I'd remove this cancer from your life with extreme prejudice, there is nothing positive in it for you or your marriage.

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post #64 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 12:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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I'd take a little more stock in the Happy Birthday Wish if I was you. Do you text her boyfriend Happy Birthday? How did she know it was your hubby's birthday, did you tell her or was it important enough to her to remember? Also you need to recognize that every married woman alive thinks there husband won't cheat on them ... until they do. You stated that after her relationship with the MM blows up you may consider letting her back in your circle of friends, well seems to me that would be the worst time to re-bond with her as she'll be looking for fresh meat, i.e your husband possibly. I'd remove this cancer from your life with extreme prejudice, there is nothing positive in it for you or your marriage.
She only would have known it was my hubby's bday from social media. Instead of posting/commenting like everyone else, she personally text him.
I did think it was odd at the time, since they aren't close and they never text. Like I said, she only had his number from wedding stuff almost 2 years prior.

I 1000% won't be allowing her into my life at this point. She really doesn't bring anything positive to my life really.. In the last few years all she does is complain and talks negative about relationships, marriage, life in general really. I have to agree maybe she's just negative energy I don't need.
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post #65 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:17 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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stop making excuses for her.
You know what she is doing is totally wrong.
Tell her how you feel about what she is doing, as she is messing with someone else's H
Further, she is taking away a father from two innocent kids, who could easily be you for example.
Tell her to contact his wife and let her know, I doubt very much that he told the wife he wants a divorce.
While it takes two to cheat... its still the WS who has the choice to make. If he's PLAYING women to get into their panties - then even more so, its on him and he'll find another fish to F around with.

IN which case, your friend is just part of his game and she is involving herself with such a person. I don't know why that would be ATTRACTIVE. Its lying.
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post #66 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:24 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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Why did you post a photo of a HOE? You garden?
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post #67 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:40 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

Your ex-friend's sex-mate saying "I can't come over - too many eyes?" = clear sign, he ain't AVAILABLE.

Your ex-friend sending a text message to YOUR husband = likely fishing for a response and going from there.

She's bad news. Both her and her sex-mate are scum.
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post #68 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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I 1000% won't be allowing her into my life at this point. She really doesn't bring anything positive to my life really.. In the last few years all she does is complain and talks negative about relationships, marriage, life in general really. I have to agree maybe she's just negative energy I don't need.
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I think you have made a wise choice. It's tough to assess friends as to how much happiness they bring to you. I'd like to think that maybe I can bring just a little happiness to them but if the cost was this much negative energy to me and my life it gets to point of not being worth it. Especially when she's doing something that is so much diametrically apposed to your beliefs.

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post #69 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 07:54 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

One of my wife's "old friends" was toxic - telling my wife lies about me. So, she has blocked her on FB, etc... Such lies help caused my wife to break NC and cheat behind my back again (many months ago).
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post #70 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 11:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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Your ex-friend's sex-mate saying "I can't come over - too many eyes?" = clear sign, he ain't AVAILABLE.

Your ex-friend sending a text message to YOUR husband = likely fishing for a response and going from there.

She's bad news. Both her and her sex-mate are scum.
Omg yes.. I didn't see it at the time, because she had given me no reason not to trust her, but I remember my GUT telling me it felt weird... But I wasn't sure why. My husband showed me his phone right away and said "I have no idea who this number is?" And I recognized it and saw it was her. He never responded back - I think it totally proved a point to her that my husband had no interest in engaging.

What is weird too, at a wedding recently where my hubby was the Best Man, "Cathy" was going on and on in front of me, my family members, even my husbands mother, how amazing (my husband) is.. She kept saying it and it started to make the few of us standing there a bit weirded out. My MIL saved the day and ended the weirdness by commenting back "Well my daughter in law is pretty darn perfect for him, and there's no one else in the world I would want with my son.. And she's an amazing mother too".. Aww nicest

So nowwww omg could my friend be really that psycho that if my husband entertained it even remotely - she would bite at it for sure!!!! Ewee I cannot be friends with her... If you can't trust your own friend, who can you trust.
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post #71 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 03:37 AM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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One of my wife's "old friends" was toxic - telling my wife lies about me. So, she has blocked her on FB, etc... Such lies help caused my wife to break NC and cheat behind my back again (many months ago).
What exactly did the toxic friend say about you?
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post #72 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 02:31 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

@mariemount12 : Your husband seems great to have shown you that and not respond. With my experience tho - I recommend ALL couples to read "not just friends" to help prevent infidelity. If *YOU* think it can't happen to you - then it will most likely happen (You or your husband). Back in my single days, I've gotten Homeruns on a first date or even as fast as 5 minutes. Your friend "cathy" is an enemy of your relationship.


@NextTimeAround : During false-R, WW still in the fog (only 2 months into trying to fix our relationship) - she is still weak but should have talked to her REAL friends or family... but instead, rather shocking - this "friend" who I'll call "Hoe"... who was supportive of US getting back together, tells my WW something different. Like "years ago, Tador had sex with another woman, he doesn't care about you. He is a control freak and is abusing you". She told my WW things that DID NOT HAPPEN, could NOT have happened about me. Get this, Hoe told my WW I was saying about her (my wife) " F**K that b!tch!". I've NEVER EVER called my wife a B!tch in anger to her face... ever. Not even during her affair arguments. I have a few times outside alone to burn off the energy and anxiety. Two days later, my wife sees the POSOM... after all, I am this HORRIBLE person who is moody and controlling - not letting her talk to the OM or whatever nonsense.

Since then, I showed my wife the FB text logs between myself and Hoe... where Hoe is like "you make a great couple!" 3 weeks before. To telling my wife "I always thought Tador was abusing you. I never liked him and glad you finally saw that!". Yep, she's crazy. I looked at Hoe's entire text history to my wife. Hoe is has moved out-of state, is bi-sexual and always wanted to have sex with my wife - sent her sex fantasies. Hoe wanted my wife to move in with her. Hoe is also banging around 20 yr old boys. Hoe even forwarded a message that a friend of hers who has seen my WW's facebook profile - that he wants to date and bang her. **This is just before I found out the BS FB messenges and how I busted both of them!**.
Hoe has written a 15page diary entry about the horrible things I did to my wife years ago. I only meet Hoe once, and spent a total of an hour talking to her over the course of 12 hours. Hoe gave me & wife a hug goodbye and left on good spirits. Hence, her drama is BS.

When wife sees both mine and her own messages months later, she sees the bigger picture. Wife defriends and blocks Hoe.

Hoe is crazy. There are people like that.
There are people who use such tactics (usually a better job) to BREAK up a couple to get one of them... some of them spending many months to a year or so to make complete their plan. Sickos.
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post #73 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-14-2016, 09:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best friend & a married man

Thanks to everyone that gave input on my thread!!! Thought I would provide an update:

My friend and married guy continued their affair for maybe a month and then he cut her off completely.
He said he needed time to figure his situation out and didn't think it was fair to anyone to have her as "the other woman".
Probably the most honest thing he has said.

I have distanced myself from her over the past few months. She wanted to meet for lunch and I thought maybe things have settled and she might look back and see how ridiculous this situation was.

"Cathy" brought him up today (I never asked) and she says she is heartbroken and feels she lost her soul mate. She has no idea if she will ever hear from him again, but feels this connection was mutual and he is only going back to his wife "for the kids".
She said she was "dead inside" and has cried numerous times since he left.
I supported her feelings at first but then I let it out.. I told her from an outsider it was foolish and he guy is untrustworthy. We got into it a bit and she defends him.
I told her I distanced myself from her when I found it about this affair because it made me sick to my stomach and I said any man who can cheat on his wife and go home and kiss his kids goodnight in the same house hold is a scum bag.
This didn't go over to well and she basically cried but also got her back up about my opinions and said I didn't get it, cause I wasn't in her shoes.

I left our lunch date feeling drained and like she's a lost cause. I feel bad for her, but at the same time I don't because she is responsible for putting herself in this situation!!
Why do I feel bad for being honest and giving her my opinion?
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post #74 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-14-2016, 09:34 PM
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Re: Best friend & a married man

It is a normal reaction from both of you.

She may see things differently once she starts to get over him. Of course, you may not want to be around to see it.

As for the man, I can almost promise your friend this is not his first rodeo. He is likely moving on to his next OW. She needs to get tested for STD's.

That is also not a comfortable conversation to have with her, but necessary.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #75 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-14-2016, 09:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best friend & a married man

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It is a normal reaction from both of you.

She may see things differently once she starts to get over him. Of course, you may not want to be around to see it.

As for the man, I can almost promise your friend this is not his first rodeo. He is likely moving on to his next OW. She needs to get tested for STD's.

That is also not a comfortable conversation to have with her, but necessary.
She would lose it if I told her that. She says he is a good guy.. despite me pointing out the obvious that any man who does this with a wife and kids isn't a good guy, she says I don't know him and can't judge the situation.
She is in complete denial and no matter what I say she defends both her and his actions.. she really does not see what is wrong with all this and still thinks they are soul mates. I think that's the biggest red flag.. I was hoping she might have said by now, that I was right and he was bad news and this ended just as I said it would, that he would not leave his wife and go right back to his wife and kids. But literally whatever he said to her she believes all his words, when his actions are clearly telling her everything she needs to know.
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Last edited by mariemount12; 11-14-2016 at 10:02 PM.
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