Did you marry young? - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 11Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
peacem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 961
Did you marry young?

And do you regret it?

I married at just turned 22. In the 90's it was fairly unfashionable to marry young as simply living together had become completely acceptable.

I remember being given a lot of flack from people, particularly in-laws saying we were 'too young'.

22 years later we are still together though we have had our moments where we came close to separating (who hasn't?), but on the whole I am glad we married young.

My friend has told me that her son is getting married next year (age 22) and whereas I think its an exciting time for them she is very angry and is doing her best to try and stop the wedding plans because 'they are too young'.

I think she should back off and leave them be....(and be really, really nice to the future DIL ). What do you guys think of marrying young?

peacem is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:16 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 135
Re: Did you marry young?

When we got married I was 26 and my wife was 22. We sure thought we were ready. But looking back the past 9 years since we got married, we both had a lot of growing up to do. Not to point fingers, but my wife was really not in a good place at that time. She was kind of directionless, didn't have any kind of career or goals in mind, she would just kind of bounce from one low paying job to another. A small reason why we got married when we did was just so that she could stop living in poverty. I was only 26, but I at least had my career somewhat underway making decent money, owned a house, was able to co-sign so she could buy a vehicle, etc. Looking back now, I realize that wasn't probably the right decision, and I'd probably be horrified if my son or daughter were in the same situation someday. I really think we would've benefitted from just dating for another year before getting engaged. It's hard when your girlfriend is struggling to pay rent and has her electric shut off, has a piece of crap vehicle than needs more work than it's even worth. At one point she fell and broke her leg (at work), and had to be on crutches for a month. She got fired because she couldn't ever come to work, and I ended up having to pay her rent because she was living paycheck to paycheck. Eventually, I said "**** it, just move in with me." Then we got engaged, got married, etc.

Eventually, my wife decided she was ready to go to college and become and English teacher (an early attempt at college before we met ended after 1 semester because of financial difficulties, and after that she just started working jobs and eventually met me). Going to college was the best thing for her, it gave her the confidence and sense of purpose she was lacking in her life, and she only got better from there. I can honestly say now that I'm very happy to be with her, and we've built a great life and have a great family, but the road to this point was not easy.

My advice to anybody would be to not get married until you're 28, or maybe even 30. Get your **** together first. Become the person you want to be BEFORE you get married. Have as many experiences as you can while you're young and unattached. Find out who you are, what you like, what YOUR goals are, and go for it.

Last edited by podiumboy; 08-19-2017 at 10:23 AM.
podiumboy is offline  
post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:28 AM
Member
 
CharlieParker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: (n) a particular place or position.
Posts: 13,321
Re: Did you marry young?

I was 24. At the time I thought I was young, 25 years later I know I was young But more seriously it wasn't so much I was young or not, I was inexperienced relationship wise. It took me probably 5 years to begin to "get" being a husband. Worked out OK.




CharlieParker is offline  
 
post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 07:01 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,742
Re: Did you marry young?

When we married at barely 21, that was the norm for our time. And I knew a number of people our age who married two or three years before we did so, if anything, at the time I felt we were later than many. Looking back now, that was obviously much too young. I don't recommend it. For every young marriage that goes the distance to the natural end, very many more fail.
Openminded is offline  
post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 07:09 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 5,390
Re: Did you marry young?

Married at 25, dating for 3 years before that. Totally in love and totally not prepared for what married life. I think it is a good idea to wait until one is older and has a sense of oneself and the expectations in marriage.
aine is offline  
post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 07:53 PM
Member
 
EllaSuaveterre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 903
Re: Did you marry young?

I did. I married 3.5 months after my 18th birthday. I married a man 10 years older than me, who, when I was 16 and we were dating, had been accused by almost everyone I knew (except my parents) of being a pedophile.

Almost 6 years later, I regret nothing.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EllaSuaveterre is offline  
post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 08:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,128
Re: Did you marry young?

My ex-wife and I were young at 18 & 19 years old respectively, yet we only got married because she was pregnant and I foolishly thought we could work it out as an alternative to her having an abortion. She then cheated on me around 11 months after we got married which saw me quickly end that relationship.

If I were to do it all over again knowing what I know after the fact, there is no way I would marry young.

For my second go round, my wife and I got married when we were close to 29 & 28 years old respectively. Which I think is a more practicable age to get married in modern Western society.
Personal is offline  
post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 08:14 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 2,179
Re: Did you marry young?

I was 26 and she was 21. We've been married for over 21 years now, so she has been married for over half of her life.

We are still very much in love and happily married.
TX-SC is offline  
post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 08:59 PM
Forum Supporter
 
anchorwatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: On the Island
Posts: 3,910
Re: Did you marry young?

I was 22, she was 21. Not uncommon for the time period.

T-44, M-42. It was 12 years before we had a child. We used that time to explore life, mature and bond together in the process.

Worked for us... YMMV

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
anchorwatch is offline  
post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 09:53 PM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 4,197
Re: Did you marry young?

I married the first time in 1994. I was 19 and he was 21. Oddly, @peacem, no one said we were too young and most people I knew were first married somewhere between 18 and 25. Some people did just live together for a bit, but they lived together as a trial for marriage, not as an open-ended thing.

I met my exH at 16, started dating him casually, became pregnant (birth control pill fail) at 17, gave birth at 18, and married him at 19 to "do the right thing". I could write for days about how that marriage was a catastrophic fail. All of my peers who married young also divorced. There was a rash of marriages among my social group in a couple year span, then a rash of divorces about 6-8 years later.


Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is online now  
post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:07 PM
Member
 
inging's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 165
Re: Did you marry young?

Married at 21. Wife was 23 in the late 80's

We were together 25 years before she traded me in on an older man. As time went on I was compared more and more to the men in her peers marriages who were significantly older. They had more things, were more stable and less driven than me. I think in the end she felt that I would never offer the life she wanted.
I have been with my current girlfriend who is 10 years younger for 3 years. Now I am the older man. She likes that I really give zero fcks about many things that I did 10 years ago.

i did not think we were too young but I think I was too young for her.
inging is offline  
post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:18 PM
Member
 
Rocky Mountain Yeti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 7,942
Re: Did you marry young?

22&23 we were.

Just celebrated our 30th

Worked like a charm for us.

Neither of us was truly "settled" or had "found ourselves," but we were fully committed to our union and each other. We found growing together to be rewarding, satisfying, and most importantly, bonding.

I won't make any blanket statements about whether or not it's best to wait--that's entirely up to each individual and the couple they might form.

However, I have no reservation about recommending waiting until the union has established a track record of stability before having kids.
Rocky Mountain Yeti is offline  
post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 11:23 PM
Member
 
Mr. Nail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 4,326
Re: Did you marry young?

30 years next Tuesday. We were both 21. All of our kids were born before we were 32. As a practical matter had we waited for marriage until we were 28 - 30 we would probably have married some one else, or not at all. Our kids would still be in public school. We probably wouldn't have had the health to have the youngest. I can't imagine having 10 more years to go before empty nest. Perhaps I'm just too greedy But life expectancy for Diabetics is about 70. So 10 less years of empty nest, that I could have spent waiting to get married.

Honestly most men are no where near ready to live together with a woman at 22. I spent the years between 18 and 21 living with various male roommates. The experience taught me a lot about getting along with different people. It is much harder to get along when there is no emotional connection to soften things.

A 28 year old who is still living in mom's basement, and is just starting his first "real job" would be much less ready for marriage than I was at 21. All I would have gained in the 7 years was money.
Mr. Nail is online now  
post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 11:45 PM
Member
 
Mrs. John Adams's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 814
Re: Did you marry young?

We married at 17 and 19...45 years ago.

I have absolutely no regrets in marrying that young. My parents were 14 and 17 when they married...they have been married 63 years.
Mrs. John Adams is offline  
post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 11:50 PM
Member
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 16,200
Cool Re: Did you marry young?

Hell, no I didn't marry young!

First marriage had me @ 35, wife 29. Lasted 12-1/2 years, with two boys.

Second marriage had me @ 52, RSXW @ 46. Lasted 7-1/2 years.

Wifely cheating ended them both!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can someone give a young and stupid man some advice mgman General Relationship Discussion 29 03-08-2016 06:28 PM
Married young - no more shared interests. Ideas?? bpdcfan General Relationship Discussion 8 02-12-2016 01:33 PM
Why men do not want to marry tech-novelist General Relationship Discussion 1 02-08-2016 09:46 PM
It starts very very young.... LOL Blossom Leigh The Ladies' Lounge 1 02-03-2016 06:31 PM
Should I get into a relationship with someone with a young child? Malibu17 General Relationship Discussion 13 01-21-2016 07:20 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome