I've been married to my wife almost a year now, and we've been together for almost 8. I have always felt for some time that I am low man on the totem pole. Her list of priorities are as follows:
1. Youngest Daughter (19)
HUGE Gap Here
3. Oldest Daughter (22)
Another Big Gap
I've always thought, a wife and/or husband was supposed to put their spouse first (something about forsaking all others lol). I have always sat back and watched a VERY UNHEALTHY obsession by my wife with respect to her younger daughter. She dotes on her, gives her everything she wants, lets her decide where we eat, what we watch, etc. Without boring you with all the details, the younger daughter left home to move in with her boyfriend a few months ago citing that her mom was "way too controlling" and I quote, "psycho". Frankly, the last few months with my step daughter out of the house has been the best months of our entire relationship. My wife actually paid attention to ME for a change!! However, come to find out, my wife is texting her youngest daughter at least 20 times a day BEGGING her to move back home.
I called my wife on it and said it's not a healthy relationship to be so obsessed with her daughter and she should cool it and focus on being a wife for a change. Uh oh! I got BLASTED and told in no uncertain terms that "my girls will ALWAYS come first!"
Am I wrong to be upset over that comment? I'm not trying to tell her to cut ties with her daughter, but just act like a normal parent of an ADULT and not obsess over her! Honestly, no lie, when her daughter calls on the phone or texts when we are having sex, she actually stops and answers it!!!
Forsaking all others is part of the marital vow, and pertains to that moment in time when you die as a single person and are resurrected as a married person. "All others" refers to all other potential suitors.
Having said that, when a couple has children, the children DO come first. Always. The two of you intentionally created life form that are incapable of taking care of themselves for approximately 18 years. This means you are wholly responsible for their physical, mental, spiritual and emotional well-being, above your own. Deal with it.
The only issues I have with her list is that her own parents come before you do. THe youngest child coming first is often a result of that child, being youngest, having the highest needs. Hopefully this subsides over time. My current GF has two, who are 14 and 17, and for all practical purposes, all she gives them is ethical guidance. They do their own laundry, get themselves to school and to their respective dad's homes, etc.