Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 114Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:47 PM
Forum Supporter
 
anchorwatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: On the Island
Posts: 3,910
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

We were in the same situation as you. If her car was not in service she couldn't drive my standard transmission... Not often, but it did happen.

So I tried teaching my DW to drive my 5-speed. She got so frustrated with me and the car, that she gave up and walked home from the car. The whole experience was a disaster and costly ($$$), as she threw out a bearing.

Weeks later, we found a driving school that taught driving on a standard VW bug. Without the possibilities of my criticism and damaging my car again she was successful. So much so, she claimed my vehicle as her own and continued driving standard vehicles for more than 20 years.

Like you, she is an only child. Unlike you, she has always been hell-bent determined to never be dependent on anyone... ever!

It's not nuclear fusion, it's a car. Go take a lesson, get over that hump (resistance) and stop putting it on your wife.

Best


"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-25-2018 at 01:14 PM.
anchorwatch is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 02:08 PM
Member
 
Mr. Nail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 4,316
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

What I'm not understanding is that if you could drive her car to the event, why did you not drive yours? Which leads me to thinking that you haven't driven any thing for 10 years. Feel free to tell me how wrong my assumptions are. But, to answer your question, I'll tell you my story.

At around the time my kids started driving, I started buying standard transmission vehicles. It wasn't really planned but the vehicle in my price range was standard. There were 2 immediate advantages. I stopped getting drowsy when driving. Standard transmission takes more attention. Second, I didn't have to share my car. One of my Daughters and my wife both tried to learn it but they were similar to you. So they had to drive the mini van. The kids would want to use a car and I would always offer mine. I always got the same reply, "I can't drive that." I'd reply "why not, is your left leg broken?" Eventually they just agreed that their left leg was broken and it wasn't going to heal.

The moral of the story is, If I was your Wife, I wouldn't be encouraging you to learn Stick. I really liked having a vehicle all to my self. My current truck is Automatic, My family is so conditioned at this point that I really don't share now.
MN
Mr. Nail is offline  
post #18 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 02:17 PM
Member
 
Steve2.0's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 446
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Dude, learn how to drive manual. Stop being a self entitled snowflake.

I bought my first standard car at 18 and learnt how to drive it myself via books and instructional. It takes like 5-6 weeks before it becomes muscle memory and you don't even think about it anymore. Next thing you know, driving standard will be super easy

Your really struggling with life in something this easy?
Steve2.0 is offline  
 
post #19 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 04:01 PM
Member
 
Cletus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 6,173
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by anchorwatch View Post
So I tried teaching my DW to drive my 5-speed. She got so frustrated with me and the car, that she gave up and walked home from the car. The whole experience was a disaster and costly ($$$), as she threw out a bearing.
Damn. How bad do you have to be to destroy a throw out bearing in a couple of days? Sounds like the previous driver put some hard miles on it
Cletus is online now  
post #20 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 04:30 PM
Forum Supporter
 
anchorwatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: On the Island
Posts: 3,910
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cletus View Post
Damn. How bad do you have to be to destroy a throw out bearing in a couple of days? Sounds like the previous driver put some hard miles on it
Somebody must have worn it out... lol

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
anchorwatch is offline  
post #21 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 06:48 PM
Member
 
stro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 220
I had to learn when I was 16. It was a little frustrating at first but you catch on really quick. It’s not that complicated.
stro is offline  
post #22 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 09:38 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,115
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

I agree with your wife 100 percent. Anyone, and I mean anyone can learn to drive a manual shift. My boyfriend bought my first one and when we drove it off the lot, I had less than 20 minutes to learn how to drive it and get to work on time. You don't have the right to give up and then expect her to take up your slack. Under any other circumstances, I would be happy to drop you off and pick you up, but I wouldn't simply because you refuse to learn how to drive the car that is available. You don't get to bug me instead. Like she said, these are the consequences.

I will tell you that not everyone is good at teaching how to drive a stick. Many years before I began dating the boyfriend who bought my first stick, I dated a guy who owned a stick, but I couldn't learn how to drive it per his instructions. I also thought it was me, that I just couldn't learn how to drive a manual shift car. But the later boyfriend made more sense in his instructions. I couldn't believe how easy it was and realized it wasn't me at all, so maybe your girlfriend isn't the best teacher, but that's still no excuse to give up learning. Ask someone else to teach you.

Get this:
My 10 year old daughter learned how and when to shift the gears while I drove and operated the clutch. While I was taking her to school one morning (which was clear across town), she asked if she could change the gears, so I showed her where the gears were by the diagram on top of the stick and told her what they were for and when to shift. After a couple times of practicing, I was able to explain the concept of downshifting, so she learned it doesn't have to go back to 1st gear every time. Never a problem with her operating the gear shift every morning and every afternoon and other times we were in the car. When she got her license at 16, she asked me to teach her how to drive a stick so she could learn to operate the clutch too. She got behind the wheel, I told her the relationship between the gas pedal and the clutch and how to prevent clutching out, and she started driving with no further instructions.

Maybe you should start driving it that way. Just get used to changing the gears while your wife is behind the wheel. Then get someone else to teach you how to operate the clutch.
StarFires is offline  
post #23 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 09:57 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 723
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

OK @roverforever I guess I wanted to ask another question. What is your place in life. Do you see yourself as a successful person? I ask this because I think there is a bigger issue here. You seem to be a guy who needs to be cared for. The women I know would find your attitude to be a major turn off and I think your heading for bigger problems with your wife when she realizes she married a boy and not a man.

You need to become an independent man, take responsibility for yourself. It takes one or two days to learn to drive a stick. But the bigger thing is you don't seem to have the self motivation, self respect or will to take care of business. I mean needing to bum a ride from your wife is pretty embarrassing isn't it?
happyhusband0005 is offline  
post #24 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 10:04 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,115
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by C3156 View Post
True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.

"She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way."

Her comment wasn't snarky at all since she said "another example." Only children are sometimes spoiled and undisciplined. She's saying, and has clearly BEEN telling him, that it's true for him. She's fed up and has decided not to cater to him as if she is his mother. She needs a man, not his mother's spoiled child. There's nothing snarky about her constantly having to point that out to him.
StarFires is offline  
post #25 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 12:44 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,315
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Someone figured out early in life that if he gets frustrated someone else will do it for him. And my son, my only child will drive a standard shift car as his first car. I never want him stranded somewhere because he couldn't drive a stick shift.

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk

Sbrown is offline  
post #26 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 01:15 AM
Member
 
Handy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: MT
Posts: 528
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

I have 3 cars with 5 speed manual transmissions and I have over 50 years of driving experience. With one of my cars, I was considering taking out the 5 speed and installing a 6 speed transmission. Practically, it isn't that cost effective so I didn't do it.

I never liked automatic transmissions. One of my bicycles has 27 gears, some gears are the same ratio but I really like the bike. Back to transmissions, I used to rebuild one model of automatic transmission for $300. Now automatic transmissions are more complicated and a low priced transmission rebuild starts around $2,000. Most repair shops don't rebuild now, they install factory rebuilt's.

If OP or anyone thinks a stick shift is difficult, how do people learn to fly a helicopter and especially fly in formation or do evasive moves to avoid enemy gun fire while picking up wounded solders back during the Vietnam and Korean wars.

OK, it is a little tricky with a stick shift to stop while going up hill and restart moving forward again, but it can be learned fairly fast using the parking brake as an aid. I remember working on an old Studebaker with what was called "hill hold" that made stopping and starting going up easy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill-holder
Handy is offline  
post #27 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 05:17 AM
Member
 
PigglyWiggly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,442
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by C3156 View Post
True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.
Some EU countries charge an extra 200 bux a week for an auto vs a manual

"Compassion is the radicalism of our time.Ē ― Dalai Lama
PigglyWiggly is offline  
post #28 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 05:56 AM
Member
 
Andy1001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 6,387
If you take your driving test in Britain or Ireland in an automatic then you are not permitted to drive a manual.
When I was younger I was sent to a job in England for three months. At the airport I was handed the keys to a car,it was manual and because they drive on the left the gear stick was operated with the left hand.
Such fun!

When someone says itís not the money itís the principle,itís always the money.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #29 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 06:49 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,014
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

The two of you only have one car? So for ten years you have been having this same fight? Is it really so hard to solve this problem?

A) learn to drive the freakin car already, stop being a quitter
B) buy a car with an automatic
C) get a second car
D) uber/bus/taxi/bicycle/feet
E) divorce, move back home to mommy
Cooper is online now  
post #30 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-26-2018, 07:07 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 5,380
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by roverforever View Post
Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.

I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.

My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc.

I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up. Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.

I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.

Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.

I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?
I have not read other responses to your thread but tbh you need to grow a pair and stop whining. Why should your wife be inconvenienced because it is too much of an inconvenience for you to learn to drive a manual car, where is the fairness in that?

I have a friend whose wife insists she is driven everywhere by him because she doesn't want to drive (though she has a license), it is not helping the marriage at all. You need to put yourself in your wife's shoes.

Sounds to me your wife knows you the best and you are probably selfish in other circumstances also but don't realize it, only children are often like this.

Solution: take the time and get over your frustration and learn to drive the bloody thing!
aine is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He is grieving and taking it out on me ikys General Relationship Discussion 8 06-11-2018 12:53 PM
Late 20s and taking in an in-law afndic General Relationship Discussion 8 02-05-2018 10:54 PM
Stuck taking care of husbandís dog Annizka General Relationship Discussion 19 12-23-2017 11:20 PM
Help me decide...car rental vs taking my own highwood The Ladies' Lounge 36 08-27-2017 06:51 PM
Anyone else struggle with small talk? SMG15 The Social Spot 26 04-20-2016 03:05 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome