Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.
I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.
My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc.
I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up. Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.
Being that you have tried and don't really do well, nor like driving a standard, it seems you would not be likely to take it anywhere, except taking it out and washing it for her, or move it into the garage for her, or something else she needed you to do. She's using you like a rented mule.
I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.
Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.
I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one.
She makes you feel like you are wrong often, or you would not be looking for help. Your post shows you are emotionally beaten down and in need of compassion and respect. Her actions and words show she does not respect you. I don't know your situation. It seems an easy answer to "buck up" and so forth. It usually isn't, once you've gotten to the point of needing outside help on something like this. I'm sorry you are hurting.
I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.
I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?
I think anyone would have frustration from the disrespect you are putting up with. Maybe you need to take the advice of others here and work on yourself and what you need and want? Maybe read some books on finding your inner strength so you can get out of that situation.
It sounds to me like she doesn't love you. First, there is disrespect. Then, verbal abuse enters into the marriage when she thinks so little of you. She then tells you she won't compromise, you have to do as she says. She then wants you to clean her car and put it away when she tells you. Is she your wife or your employer? Right now, I'd say your love is wasted on her.