Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 114Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1
Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.

I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.

My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc.

I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up. Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.

I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.

Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.

I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?

roverforever is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Robberbaron F.house
Posts: 403
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Man up and learn to drive a manual - Nancy.
2&out is offline  
post #3 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:13 AM
Member
 
Andy1001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 6,398
How old is her car at this stage?
Why not buy her an automatic.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
Andy1001 is offline  
 
post #4 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:28 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,208
I'm female. I learned to DRIVE on a standard. If a 16 year old girl who isn't very mechanically inclined can learn to drive on a standard, why couldn't you?

I totally agree with your wife. Your problem has now become hers with ride giving solely because for years you could not learn to drive one of the family vehicles.

My 16 year old son also learned to drive my standard once he got his license in case of emergencies, so he could drive my car.
Livvie is offline  
post #5 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:32 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 312
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by roverforever View Post
Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.

I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?
I agree with your wife. How do you give up learning to drive a standard? You must have a very very low threshold for frustration tolerance if you weakly gave up on something so simple.

I have an only child (but haven't been one) and I have friends who are only children and I can't really tell if this is a symptom of that. I think it is more a symptom of indulgent parenting than simply being a lone child.
Magnesium is offline  
post #6 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:33 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,208
Chiming in to add one more, I just remembered that my college boyfriend also learned to drive my standard, so he could drive my car in case of emergencies. It took him like an hour to learn AND not grind the gears.
Livvie is offline  
post #7 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 11:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7,945
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Standard transmission cars are becoming very rare because the cost and efficiency advantage is mostly gone these days. That said, its not a bad skill to have. Some people just like driving them, and in that case its not crazy to get one.

It takes some practice, but I don't think its a bad idea to learn.
uhtred is offline  
post #8 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:03 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 723
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

It should take no more than an hour to be able to lear to safely get form point a to point b in a standard. Everyone should learn on a standard. If I were your wife I would be annoyed with you. It sounds like you must have put in very little effort, it's not that hard.
happyhusband0005 is offline  
post #9 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:07 PM
Member
 
BarbedFenceRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Down here on the border
Posts: 621
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

My wife sucks at driving standard. BUT....She can do it. It is a life skill and very utilitarian. I'm thinking you have a lot of misgivings in social queues and mechanical skills? How old are you and what are your family dynamics like?

One thing I am trying to see is if she sees an affable but limited partner that is weak and frustrated. NOT very enticing...
BarbedFenceRider is offline  
post #10 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:13 PM
Member
 
C3156's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 571
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Standard transmission cars are becoming very rare because the cost and efficiency advantage is mostly gone these days. That said, its not a bad skill to have. Some people just like driving them, and in that case its not crazy to get one.
True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.

C3156 is offline  
post #11 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:15 PM
Member
 
Cletus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 6,225
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Let me add to the pile-on.

Big boy pants? Check.
Sippy cup in the cup holder? Check.
A little gas, a little clutch? Check.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
Cletus is online now  
post #12 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:21 PM
Member
 
RoseAglow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 911
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

OP, it sucks that your wife wasn't willing to help you out. I am going to ignore the reason for it (although as someone who loves her standard transmission older car I can see where she might feel that you could have stuck it out to learn this pretty easy skill) and go for what might be the underlying issue.


Is Uber or Lyft etc available in your area? She might feel like you should be able to take care of yourself in these kinds of situations.

"If we hurt, we hurt others. If we love....guess what? Easy math, the basics, really. Add love, subtract anger, multiple kindness, divide suffering." Emerging Buddhist.
RoseAglow is offline  
post #13 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:24 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 833
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

.

That's a real one in your reflection. Without a follow, without a mention.
You really pipin' up on these-. You gotta be nice for what to these-?

Last edited by FrenchFry; 08-27-2018 at 01:35 PM.
FrenchFry is offline  
post #14 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:25 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 999
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Jeez, just learn how to drive the damn car. Any person, absent of disability, can learn to drive a car with a manual transmission. Sounds like you just don't want to.

Accept the consequences and call Uber. Your wife doesn't want to be your mommy.
zookeeper is offline  
post #15 of 68 (permalink) Old 06-25-2018, 12:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,854
Re: Small Annoyance, so I am taking a Poll LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by roverforever View Post
I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them.
It sounds like you get frustrated easily. That's probably the core of these issues. You probably got frustrated trying to learn and gave up rather than keep trying. You CAN learn to drive a manual. There was a time when manuals were the norm and everyone knew how to drive a manual. What would you have done if you were back in the 60's and all cars were manual?

So the problem seems more "I'm easily frustrated and exasperated" rather than "I'm incapable of learning a new skill." I hope that if you can realize that frustration is just a obstacle in your way, you'll learn how to deal with it and move past it rather than give up. You'll also have to keep this in mind if you ever have to deal with kids. You'll need to have infinite patience and understanding when they try to learn a new skill.

As for learning to drive a manual, like I said, anyone can do it. One of the easier ways to learn is to park the car on deserted road on a slight downhill. This is a trick to learn how to clutch without having to use the gas. The slope should be such that the car stays stopped without the brake, but the slightest push would cause it to roll slowly. You're not going to use the gas for this. Put the clutch in and put the car in 1st. Now sloooowwwwly release the clutch. There will be a point at which you feel resistance when it gets in gear. By gently pushing the clutch in-and-out at that point, you can get the car more or less in gear and the car will roll and eventually be driving in first. Then you can stop with the brake and try it again. Remember to press the clutch when you brake so it doesn't stall. Eventually you'll get the feel of how to release the clutch at the right speed to get into gear without stalling.
wilson is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He is grieving and taking it out on me ikys General Relationship Discussion 8 06-11-2018 12:53 PM
Late 20s and taking in an in-law afndic General Relationship Discussion 8 02-05-2018 10:54 PM
Stuck taking care of husband’s dog Annizka General Relationship Discussion 19 12-23-2017 11:20 PM
Help me decide...car rental vs taking my own highwood The Ladies' Lounge 36 08-27-2017 06:51 PM
Anyone else struggle with small talk? SMG15 The Social Spot 26 04-20-2016 03:05 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome