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post #46 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 10:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

This post has gotten way off the original post. I am not going to debate any aspect of religion, what I believe or others believe. This is between my fiancé and myself.

From the original post, I will try to ignore the ex and daughter since they choose not to be kind. If I feel uncomfortable then I will detach myself from the situation..... this I have control over.

Thank you all for your opinions. Post is dead as it has gotten off topic and I don’t wish to feel like I have to protect myself from attack’s.


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post #47 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 11:00 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Fact 1; the RC church has made getting an annulment easier from the 1980's.
Nothing new here.

Fact 2; the RC has annulled marriages that had children.

Fact 3; the RC does not consider those children to be illegitimate. They are able
to receive all the sacraments of the RC church.
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post #48 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 07:01 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
Truly, it is a bad idea for a Catholic to marry a Protestant. It is difficult, though it can be done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post
If I don’t convert to Catholicism I cannot take communion in the RC church nor will they recognize our marriage. There is my exact problem with the RC Church. Jesus did not say if you are or you are not a certain religion you cannot partake of the holy sacrament, this is man saying it.

In the end, I may not choose to convert to my fiancé’s religion and he is well aware of that possibility. He is not dead set against my converting or not and has actually gone to my church, Methodist. I feel strongly that we should attend church and share this as part of our union.

Yes to the naysayer that said second marriages have a 70% fail rate. We both thought we would be married to the same person for the rest of our lives however, cheating is something we could not live with. We are older, no kids, and are working out problems before we marry. I am all for a man and a woman getting a second chance to have love and have a good marriage. At least the second time around you have you **** worked out before the I do’s...... if you are smart!

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Then, what can you do? Change the church or is it better to change something in your life?

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This do in remembrance of me." With these words ringing in our ears, we regularly celebrate communion. As we drink the cup and eat the bread, we reflect on Christ's sacrifice and look forward to his return. ... The "message" of communion is important and deserves our full attention.

I already stated I am not Catholic but am trying to understand. I know there is a vast lack of understanding of the Catholic Church. I am doing my do diligence by research.

As I quoted above are my beliefs at this time. I can’t argue with what the Catholic Church peaches until I have more knowledge.

I do take offense when one tells me a marriage cannot work if of different faiths. Not walking in my shoes and knows neither of us. General statement of damnation is hard to swallow, human should not judge others least they be judged.


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You can take offense to the first quote in this reply if you want. It doesn't say what you think it does, though.

What general statement of damnation? That was Paul, the apostle, that said that, not the church nor me. He knew the apostles and spoke with them. It's likely he got his ideas from them. Were they not educated by Christ?

I know you are frustrated. I'm sorry about that. I don't make the rules. God the Father made them. Christ spoke what His Father told him to speak. Surely, any Christian knows that? Maybe you need to just take your time and think about all of this and talk with your fiancé?

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post #49 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
Then, what can you do? Change the church or is it better to change something in your life?









You can take offense to the first quote in this reply if you want. It doesn't say what you think it does, though.



What general statement of damnation? That was Paul, the apostle, that said that, not the church nor me. He knew the apostles and spoke with them. It's likely he got his ideas from them. Were they not educated by Christ?



I know you are frustrated. I'm sorry about that. I don't make the rules. God the Father made them. Christ spoke what His Father told him to speak. Surely, any Christian knows that? Maybe you need to just take your time and think about all of this and talk with your fiancé?


Did you not understand a simple statement??? That dense ??? I will not discuss religion anymore as I stated You have thread jacked my original post and I should not have responded from the very being.


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post #50 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 10:14 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Why did they get divorced? It's weird that she asked for a divorce, and 15 years later, she's jealous of you? Her actions are that of a jealous ex wife. Her daughter's behavior is just mirroring her own. It's almost like they're angry with him.

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post #51 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 07:34 AM Thread Starter
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Fiance and Ex Wife

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Why did they get divorced? It's weird that she asked for a divorce, and 15 years later, she's jealous of you? Her actions are that of a jealous ex wife. Her daughter's behavior is just mirroring her own. It's almost like they're angry with him.


I think they had it in their minds that he would remain single.
They got divorced because she cheated and would just up an leave for a week at a time. She divorce him, he would have remained married until the kids were grown.

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Last edited by Tomara; 06-29-2018 at 07:56 AM.
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post #52 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 02:29 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

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I think they had it in their minds that he would remain single.
They got divorced because she cheated and would just up an leave for a week at a time. She divorce him, he would have remained married until the kids were grown.

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Okay, so one of those ''I don't want you, but I don't want you to want anyone else,'' kind of scenario? I'm glad he's free of her, and has found love with you. It's odd that a kid from a marriage where one of the spouses cheated, would take the cheater's side...or not want to be closer to the BS side.

My advice would be to be cordial when you see them, but steer clear. You don't need to be friends with them. But, be the classy one, the truth will be seen.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown
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post #53 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 02:48 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post

We are dealing with grandkids now and being a part of their lives. Therefore all people are involved. Or, Godchildren getting married. We live in a small community so everyone knows everyone.

I wish people had not gotten off on the religion. I only know of one on this board that has true knowledge of the Catholic Church. No money has been exchanged for the annulment and no promise that it would even happen. Honesty, I don’t think the annulment will happen for him because I believe he entered into his marriage with the honest true believe he would remain married to M. No false reason in the beginning. Cheating later in the marriage is not a reason for an annulment even if it did happen.

Back to the original post, it’s hard to not be included and being treated nice when your own family doesn’t deal that way. Both my adult kids and father accept G with open arms. They have loved him from the very start of our dating. He really is an amazing person, everyone likes G.

It’s not part of my makeup to turn a blind eye to rude mean people as I was not brought up that way. We call it bad manners!



Was he the adulterous spouse in his marriage?

You cannot do anything about someone else's manners, but you can choose how to respond to rude people. I have a situation where someone (I'll refer to as A) has refused to acknowledge my presence and the presence of others at certain events. I just forget about A and go about my business. It doesn't matter if A is ignoring me. I'm not ignoring A, but I'm not engaging with A either. If A were to engage with me, I would respond according to how A was engaging. If A engaged in a polite manner, I would behave in kind. If A were rude to me, I'd have to decide what an appropriate response the that particular behavior would be. It is what it is. You can't change anyone but yourself. Live and let live.


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post #54 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

@CynthiaD
He was not the one that cheated.


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post #55 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 05:41 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post
With all the summer activities, weddings, birthdays, ballgames I am coming in constant contact with the ex wife, they have been divorced for 15 years and she is remarried. The first time I met her I put my hand out to say hello and she turned her back on me. She will not speak with me at any event. Oh, she is the one that divorce my fiancé’.

I am not wanting to attend the events where I know she will be there because it makes me uncomfortable. Is it wrong to just not attend? I can’t wait til she finds out G is trying to have their marriage annulled!
Also, the middle daughter treats me the same way her Mom does.

I have been nothing but friendly but really this is getting a little old after 2 1/2 years.






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I doubt you have been friendly. I would say you have been more tense than you have been talking with me, but it would be obvious to her how you really feel.

Why don't you ask your fiancé? He's the one you should be talking with. He is the one you live with. His ex will obviously be a bother to you as long as you two are together.


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post #56 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 07:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

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I doubt you have been friendly. I would say you have been more tense than you have been talking with me, but it would be obvious to her how you really feel.



Why don't you ask your fiancé? He's the one you should be talking with. He is the one you live with. His ex will obviously be a bother to you as long as you two are together.


I stated in my first post that I did try to be friendly. I don’t live with my fiancé and we have talked about this. I came here to ask for help but instead two of you here have;
1. Attacked my religious believes, It is apparent you have deep seated anger with certain religion. I didn’t ask for help with this.
2. Thread jacked
3. Posted to start arguments

The first words from you last post was simply you poking me to see if you could get a reaction. This is neither kind nor really needed.

I am trying to make sense of the ex wife and daughters reaction to me. No way in hell will it ruin my union with G.




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post #57 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 08:54 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

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I am trying to make sense of the ex wife and daughters reaction to me.

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Sometimes the best sense you can make of peoples' actions is that they are fools.

I forget how old the daughter is, but if she is young she may come around. Kids often behave strangely in a divorce.
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post #58 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Daughter is 25 have pregnant with her first child. I agree, I should just ignore poor behavior and go about building my new life.


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post #59 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

All 5 kids from both sides are all adults. Three are married. If my kids and been rude to any member of G’s family I would have yanked a knot in their tail quick. I don’t put up with disrespect from those I gave birth to!


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post #60 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 12:45 AM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post
This do in remembrance of me." With these words ringing in our ears, we regularly celebrate communion. As we drink the cup and eat the bread, we reflect on Christ's sacrifice and look forward to his return. ... The "message" of communion is important and deserves our full attention.
Jesus also stated that the bread was His body and the wine was His blood. Catholics take the entire quote to mean exactly what Jesus said. Apparently Protestants take it metaphorically.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post
I already stated I am not Catholic but am trying to understand. I know there is a vast lack of understanding of the Catholic Church. I am doing my do diligence by research.

As I quoted above are my beliefs at this time. I can’t argue with what the Catholic Church peaches until I have more knowledge.

I do take offense when one tells me a marriage cannot work if of different faiths. Not walking in my shoes and knows neither of us. General statement of damnation is hard to swallow, human should not judge others least they be judged.
A mixed religion marriage can be difficult for some people. I don't think that recognizing that it can be difficult is judging the people, it's recognizing that there can be a struggle for some people.

Others can deal with their difference in faith. If you and your fiancé feel that you both handle it, then more power to you!

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