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post #61 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 12:53 AM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomara View Post
I think they had it in their minds that he would remain single.
They got divorced because she cheated and would just up an leave for a week at a time. She divorce him, he would have remained married until the kids were grown.
I think that some people expect the spouse that they cheated on and divorced to pine for them forever.

My 2nd husband's ex did this He found out that she had cheated on him with a few men most of their marriage. By the time I met him they were well into their divorce and she was living with last affair partner for 6 months or more.

But she was jealous when she found out that we were dating. He comment to him what "You sure moved on quickly!" LOL

After we married, tried to be social with me once or twice, but then took on the attitude of an advisory. She would not come near me and she started emailing him, chatting online and flirting with him. And all the while she was still living with the guy.

Sometimes people make no sense at all.


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post #62 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 01:05 AM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

WARNING.....

I just deleted a long thread jack with posters insulting/attacking Tamara and her fiancť's religion. While Tamara did mention religion, she is not asking for input on her religious beliefs nor for a discussion of religious doctrine. Such discussions are only allowed in the Politics and Religion Forum anyway.

Tamara has asked that the thread jack stop and that this thread focus on her initial issue.... that her fiancť's ex and daughter are being very unfriendly, even rude, to her.

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post #63 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

I think the ex wife is jealous because G spends so much time with me. When they were married she was a SAH mom. He is a full time farmer and full time cabinet maker. So, to support 5 people alone he had to work a lot. Later when the kids were bigger she could not hold a job because if her internet behavior, she was fired several times.

She did not join him when working on the farm. He did not get home until later in the evening. I however am happy to help him with anything farm wise so this allows me more time with him otherwise I would be a farmers widow. He raises cattle, turkeys and crops. No part of any day is not taken with chores.

I am preparing to move to the farm so that probably doesnít sit well because that was ďtheirĒ home. I am also changing things in the house, but I have put up all the family pictures minus ex wife. So I make sure they donít feel like I erasing them. I havenít even put up my own family pictures yet.

There probably isnít anything I can do to make them cordial to me, just accept that fact. Some people can never look inward on their behavior, they just donít have it in them.

G sees how they are but he is very laid back and not bothered by things where I am more high strung so to speak. In the 2 1/ 2 years we have been exclusively dating we have only had on fight. I think that is amazing odds for a couple. Our personalities balance each other very well.




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post #64 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 03:14 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

@EleGirl.

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...l#post19600533

She brought it up before anyone else.



Secondly, you and I both know that you cannot change anyone else. You can only change yourself. I looked and know I posted one sentence stating that or paraphrasing it.

Others seem to think it doesn't matter if(as long as) they love each other. How many marriages have you and I seen fail because love was not enough? How many times have folks with the best marriages shown respect, lovingkindness, and a compatibility that includes and goes way beyond sex?

The easiest thing to do is to find another man, someone who is more compatible in all ways.

Next, be gracious, kind and humble in the face of the adversity.

Next, hope that he loves you more than his children, so that he will defend you enough to satisfy your desires to be respected as a motherly figure in their lives.

In truth, it is easier to prove to them through actions with them that you are worthy of their respect and love as a motherly figure in their lives. That's truly damn tough to do when they are with their mother and father more than you.

Ex.: Helping them in the face of adversity, as in, saving their lives when they are drowning, as an example. Please do not create the adversity to achieve your goals. Your plan and actions would be discovered and found vicious and sick, if not illegal. I do not believe you are that type of woman. I felt a disclaimer was necessary.

One thing that might help is learning about how to handle parental alienation. That's basically what you are and will continue to go through. As I said before, good luck, or whatever positive terminology means I hope you get the respect and love you deserve, though I know there is so much against it, along with changing your life through marriage.

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Last edited by 2ntnuf; 06-30-2018 at 03:21 PM.
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post #65 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
@EleGirl.



https://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...l#post19600533



She brought it up before anyone else.







Secondly, you and I both know that you cannot change anyone else. You can only change yourself. I looked and know I posted one sentence stating that or paraphrasing it.



Others seem to think it doesn't matter if(as long as) they love each other. How many marriages have you and I seen fail because love was not enough? How many times have folks with the best marriages shown respect, lovingkindness, and a compatibility that includes and goes way beyond sex?



The easiest thing to do is to find another man, someone who is more compatible in all ways.



Next, be gracious, kind and humble in the face of the adversity.



Next, hope that he loves you more than his children, so that he will defend you enough to satisfy your desires to be respected as a motherly figure in their lives.



In truth, it is easier to prove to them through actions with them that you are worthy of their respect and love as a motherly figure in their lives. That's truly damn tough to do when they are with their mother and father more than you.



Ex.: Helping them in the face of adversity, as in, saving their lives when they are drowning, as an example. Please do not create the adversity to achieve your goals. Your plan and actions would be discovered and found vicious and sick, if not illegal. I do not believe you are that type of woman. I felt a disclaimer was necessary.



One thing that might help is learning about how to handle parental alienation. That's basically what you are and will continue to go through. As I said before, good luck, or whatever positive terminology means I hope you get the respect and love you deserve, though I know there is so much against it, along with changing your life through marriage.


@2ntnuf

I am sorry you are a bitter human being. I donít have to be a mother figure, thatís not my place. You are the other person on this thread that has hijacked. Talked to Ele Girl all you want, this is my problem not hers.

I was mean spirited as you are until I realized it did me no good. Second marriages can an do work. You have to put in the effort. Nay sayers are useless and if you donít have anything positive then why reply?




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post #66 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 07:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Ele Girl close the post because itís useless when arguments are continued and I am sure you donít wish to be drug in. He/she doesnít need to interject anymore.


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post #67 of 67 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 08:18 PM
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Re: Fiance and Ex Wife

Tomara,

Just one last comment. You are right that you do not need to be a mother figure to his children. They are grown. They have a mother. It's not your job as you know.

I hope you work this out with your fiance. He needs to come to terms with how his ex's and his children's behavior affects you. That is if he wants you to be in his life.

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