Met a girl on Tinder and we planned to meet tonight. I was working out of town so she agreed to meet at 8pm when I got back, as it was the only day we were both free. My train back into town was running late so I sent her a message on the app (she didn't give me her number) saying at a best guess I was actually going to arrive at 8.30pm and sorry.
She then sent me a message back saying that she had an early morning, and the place where I arranged dinner was very far for her to travel back from so could I meet her somewhere in the middle at the agreed time of 8pm? My lateness turned out to be a false alarm and my delayed train arrived. I told her I would likely arrive at 8.10, no longer 8.30pm. Unfortunately she didn't get the message on the app and texted me at 7.45pm saying she hadn't left because she was hoping we could meet in the middle seeing as I was running late. Even though I was no longer late, she would now be late because she hadn't left, waiting to hear back about changing the meeting place, so why didn't we reschedule on a day that was less hectic for both of us.
I got this when I had arrived and it was 8.04pm. I told her forget it and good luck. She then threw in my face that I had cancelled our original date the week before, because I was called into a work thing (that time I texted her on the morning of, and apologised profusely). She said I was not gracious or understanding this evening where she had been, and said she had not wanted to start travelling for hour when I wasn't sure what time I would show up. I feel like my message was misconstrued. It was just a head's up that I could be running late and she took it as an excuse not to come. After that I unmatched. I think it's pretty rich not to give someone your number and then punish them for trying to keep you updated through a glitchy app. I'm thinking she was going to stand me up all along. I guess I'm just losing faith in dating. What are your thoughts here guys? Surely standing me up under the threat of lateness was a bit excessive and unreasonable?
I asked for her number but she said she wasn't comfortable giving it out on Tinder. I literally just gave her a head's up I would be late through the only medium I could. Not sure what else I could have done in this scenario.
Sounds as if she may have been developing "cold feet" well before the date, and your projected lateness just gave her license to go ahead and ditch you!
It could have been far worse ~ you could have ultimately married her and then had yourself a sheer lifetime of that flippancy!
You deserve the company of some woman far more emotionally grounded than she is! You'll find her!
Thank you, I thought this too. That's why I didn't agree to rescheduling. Who turns back after one apologetic text? I get that it was an hour journey for her but it was a long journey for me too.
I think you are way way way off base. This was a matter of poor communication and the need for compromise. She agreed to meet you somewhere that was obviously convenient for you but not her. Read what you wrote - you messaged her that you would be late (8:30). She messaged saying she now had to get up early and could you meet closer to the middle at 8:00. So she obviously didn’t see your message before she sent the request asking for the change. Wven on time at that location wasn’t going to work for her so she suggested a reschedule. And you threw a fit and acting like a complete douche. She dodged the bullet if that is how you act. Mishaps happen. You are okay with throwing a wrench in the plans but can’t handle the other person needing to change them up?
She asked to meet in the middle after I said I'd be arriving at 8.30 but I arrived practically at 8pm anyway. The miscommunication was that she didn't get my text saying my train had arrived and that I wouldn't be too late after all, because Tinder has a terrible messaging functionality. By the time she saw it she had already decided meeting in the middle was the only option and that it was too late for the original date to go ahead. Sorry I guess I just don't understand how a 30 minute change, requested one hour in advance, warrants the other person turning back and not even starting their journey. Especially when she didn't give me her number to communicate with her properly in the first place.
I think you're making too much of it and should exercise some grace. I also think you should choose people who are closer to your location. That's a lot of traveling. But I live in an area where I can get from one of end of town to the other in about 15 minutes, so an hour seems excessive to me.
If you have a boundary that you exchange phone numbers in order to meet, that is a reasonable boundary and you can do that in the future. I agree that it could help avoid this kind of situation happening in the future.
You're spending too much time processing and trying to analyze the situation when the bottom line is you don't need to hook up with somebody nitpicky and so full of drama. She saved you from a bunch of headaches and nonsense so take that and leave her where you found her.
But seriously, I don't see how she stood you up. You made a call on time that was a deal breaker for her and then you backtracked on it. Do you do the same stuff in your business life?
I think there were miscommunications on both sides, honestly. But, arguing before you've even been on one date? lol I'd say, move on...for both of you.
I agree that her response to your cancelling was a bit over the top, but I don't entirely disagree with her apparently feeling like she was being jerked around. After all, you cancelled on her once before, then changed the time then changed it back again and when she offered to reschedule for a better evening, you told her to forget it. All the back and forth, the confusion, the apparent difficulty matching up schedules, the clear communication problems, the two missed dates in a row? When I was meeting people through online dating, all of that would just have been too much chaos and drama for my taste. It would have been too much work for someone I'd never even seen in person.
OP, if you have a boundary about not meeting women unless you have their number, then stick to that. Nothing wrong with having conditions. But do understand that the women you're looking to date will also have their own boundaries and deal-breakers. Some of them won't give their number out to people they've never met. And that boundary is just as valid as yours. But it does mean that the two of you aren't compatible. Similarly, for some women, a high level of confusion and difficulty arranging a first meeting will be a deal-breaker. That's also a valid boundary. But, again, it indicates an area of incompatibility.
Knowing you're incompatible with a prospective date is a good thing! It saves both of you time and energy that could be better spent in each of you finding someone more compatible.
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