he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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I understand. My husband has a conventional non commissioned based job, but because I happen to make more money than him he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills and he can just give me whatever he has left over. We don't share bank accounts because he is completely financially irresponsible, but it is obvious that he wanted a parent more than he wanted a wife and he definitely doesnt want to be anyone's partner. The resentment is quite real and is even effecting our love life. My husband knows how I feel.. have you talked to your husband?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 01:08 AM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

I copied your post from another thread here so that you can get some input to your situation.

If you are resentful of him for this, why do you stay with him?

How long have you been married? Do you have children together?

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 11:05 AM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

Did you know he was financially irresponsible when you were married? What agreement did you make with him if you decided not to share accounts?
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 02:52 PM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

A lot of divorces happen because of money but the root of it is selfishness. He needs to be willing to be reasonable with finances. Finances are not rainbows and unicorns or getting whatever you want. A good baseline cash flow plan in my experience is the following:

Save 10% of all money
Give 10% of your money away to a charitable worthy cause
Have fun with 10% of your income
Live off of 70% of your income

The above cash flow plan can obviously be adjusted. My wife and I currently save about 16% of our money for retirement and we get about $125 each in fun money every two weeks. Sit down with him and say you want to give him and you some fun money and set guidelines for money so you both can be happy. Expecting to get 50% of the paychecks for fun money while your spouse gets some crumbs is not reasonable.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 03:37 PM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Common_Man View Post
A lot of divorces happen because of money but the root of it is selfishness. He needs to be willing to be reasonable with finances. Finances are not rainbows and unicorns or getting whatever you want. A good baseline cash flow plan in my experience is the following:

Save 10% of all money
Give 10% of your money away to a charitable worthy cause
Have fun with 10% of your income
Live off of 70% of your income

The above cash flow plan can obviously be adjusted. My wife and I currently save about 16% of our money for retirement and we get about $125 each in fun money every two weeks. Sit down with him and say you want to give him and you some fun money and set guidelines for money so you both can be happy. Expecting to get 50% of the paychecks for fun money while your spouse gets some crumbs is not reasonable.
Do this and call it a day. Good advice!
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2018, 04:41 PM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

I'm thinking the resentment is going both ways....

I bet he has a lower ego thing going on. What are the job roles and what is the educational backgrounds?

Did you always make more money than him? Do you flaunt your wealth at him?

If he was always so financially unstable, why get married?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 09:57 AM
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Re: he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills

I'll never understand the idea that money can't be pooled for whatever reason. The courts certainly don't see it that way either.

Joint account. All direct deposits and pay go into that account. Then you each have your own personal accounts. Transfer your fun money to those accounts. After rent and bills are paid and fun money is transferred out, any remaining funds go into savings. I dont understand people that assign this bill and that bill to one another to take care of. Seems like an easy way to start an argument to me.
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