Okay, getting to the big reply…
, that's what I tried to tell him that we were awhile ago, and he insisted that his feelings are on a deeper level. However, I still believe this is what we are: FWB. He is holding me back, I agree. I'm also holding me back with my continued feelings for him. And good to hear your take on the "no labels" thing. I figured it was a manipulation tactic. And, that's fantastic that it's working out nicely with you and your GF! But I think you're right; it wouldn't work the same way with my ex.
, the reason I'd feel devastated is because I obviously still have feelings for the man, even though I know that's not in my best interests. I know it's going to happen, for both of us eventually. My mind says that he doesn't have more to offer, but my heart hasn't listened so far because I keep getting sucked (suckered?) into this stupid vortex of emotion. Every. Single. Damn. Time. You're correct, he wants something without strings, and he knows how to sucker me in.
, no, I'm not dismissing the obvious; I'm well aware of that, but I guess I hope that I'm missing something, and that this CAN work out. It can't and it won't. If this keeps up, I'll keep getting sucked into his games until he's ready to find someone to get serious about. Then, I'll be the castoff.
, I agree with much of what you wrote, but am surprised that you consider me (and others who OLD) to be "a few rungs lower than prostitution". I don't dress ****ty, I don't stand on the street corner, and I don't take money in exchange for sexual services. How does that equate me to be lower than a prostitute in your eyes? That's a really low thing to say. However, what you're correct about
: it is my life and I do get to set the standard. I just kept hoping that I was missing something or things would change. Of course they don't change though; I should know this by now. To answer your question: yes, I'm legally divorced at this time. And no, I don't have sex with every guy I go out with. I will get to the beginning stages of intimacy (i.e., kissing) if it's someone who I feel has possibilities of a strong match. If we go out a few times, and things are going well, then yes I'll get fully intimate with him. The sex in my marriage was awful, and I don't want that to happen again, so I need to find this out before too much time is invested on both parts. Yeah, I know what I want, but that's the question, isn't it: am I brave enough to keep trying and to live it?
, at this point, I think I could be the poster gal for codependent relationships, LoL! I am afraid to move on because there are still feelings there for this guy at times. Not all the time, but he knows which buttons to push. I know that I need to move on because I want to be able to be all-in with someone else someday. With the antics of this dude, that'll never happen until HE'S ready for it to happen. Then I'll be tossed to the side. He totally guilt trips me by asking what my evening/weekend plans are. I've found myself making excuses, and that's not right. Next time that Q comes up, I need to just tell him, I'm going out on a date, period. Where the F do I find these guys? This one was found on Match.
, believe it or not, but like you, I don't date to get free meals/drinks/whatever. I go out with men who I have an initial connection with, and want to explore it in-person. Sometimes, the connection is still there, sometimes it grows, often it fizzles. I also want advancing levels of commitment; who doesn't?! Honestly, I'm comfortable with more than 1 man if it's kept very casual. Once it starts to get deeper, more physical, more emotional, I'm comfortable dating only one man. So lately, I haven't been overly comfortable, which is why I've cracked down on the online stuff and won't go out with someone I see no point in going out with. The man who this post is about is different than those in that we already know each other, there's a comfort level there. But, it's not healthy and I know that. Good thoughts: accept him for who he is. And who he is, isn't the type of man I need/want to be with.
, I have slept with 2 different men who I met online. I've been out with both numerous times, and have since cut one of them loose; it just wasn't working. The other man is going through some health issues, and has been in and out of contact for about 3 weeks now. He's a pretty good match, but obviously isn't around much, which isn't going to work for me either. I do agree with you on the exclusive commitment thing, but part of having that is knowing that you're compatible in ALL ways. If I'm in an exclusive relationship, obviously I'm not going to sleep around, or entertain going out casually with others. Once I'm exclusive, I devote 100% to that one man.
, yep, I'm being used, and yep, I know what to do!
, no strings, sexual "relationships" is what most men that I've come across seem to want. They've put good faces on online, but once we meet in-person and through continued texting, it's pretty apparent what they want. I've cut many of them loose. This dude seems to have a hold on me though, but that's a cycle I have to break. I dig your saying! Another good one is "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". That's what I've been: free milk. Yay.
At this point, I almost look forward to the next time dude asks me why we can't try again. Next time, I'll be strong and stick to my guns. I feel better equipped now to not let him get to me. He holds all the cards at this point, and he knows which ones to play to get my goat. I need to be done with this, and I need to get my sanity back so that I have something to offer to someone else.