Iím curious to understand the real, basic driver for this desire.
Maybe for a monogamous person, this is not really possible.
Each couple will have their own set of desires, objectives and agendas.
For my wife and I, we both wanted to experience 3somes, couple/couple and group sex in real life. We were both open minded, sex-positive and GGG about it. We discussed it, came up with a plan and put it into action.
It was something we both wanted to try and to experience so we discussed it and gave ourselves the green light and then set out to find others that wanted to experience the same thing and we made it happen.
I assume many people would rather stick sharp objects in their eyes that have any other partys in their bedroom and that is their choice and prerogative.
My wife and I ourselves were completely monogamous and traditional the first 10 years of our marriage. Because of that, I don't think people come from to two different molds with some being created monogamous and others being created NM.
(that's why I don't think @sokillme
brain scan will actually work LOL) In my 10 years in the lifestyle I did meet a few flower-children and free spirits that have always embraced nonmonogamy, but the vast, vast majority of swingers that have met were middle aged couples with teen or grown kids and who had lived 10,15, or even 20 years as traditional as Ward and June Cleaver and then one day decided to expand their horizon's and get out of the pidgeon hole.
It's a choice. you either want to do it and experience it. Or you don't.
Both monogamy and MN have their own set of risks and benefits and each has their own pros and cons.
But the point I want to make is that it is not a pathology or dysfunction or that there is anything "wrong" with people or couples who make an informed, conscious choice to do it. It is not for everyone. But the fact that it is something nontraditional does not automatically make it something bad or harmful or maladaptive.