, whoa, whoa whoa, I knew about the anxiety, but didn't know quite how severe it was until we started planning our first meet up. As to why I'd consider dating someone with anxiety is this: I also have anxiety, but not to that great an extent. For me, it's situational, and I can usually work through it. Most of the people that I know have a bit of anxiety. I didn't know about the love of his life until this past Saturday evening. And here's a good question: why the hell do some people just assume that I'm after sex? I'm not. It's important in a relationship, yes, but I'm after a stable, steady relationship, not just boinking. So, you can kindly stop thinking that, thanks.
YOU called his anxiety severe. That's hardly analogous to the normal types of mild, situational anxiety the average person experiences. Perhaps you didn't realize the severity of his condition initially, but you were still trying to date this guy after you did as evidenced by your own admission. Severe anxiety undermines stability so it really should be a dis-qualifier for you if that's what you really want.
You said that this other woman "on Nov 13 (Tues), apparently, the woman that he's madly in love with started in on her feelings of lust for him again,
" suggesting that you were aware of this at least once before. My apologies if I misunderstood. I would hope that the minute you heard about this unhealthy situation you told him to take a hike.
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that you are after sex, that where the "if" part comes in. Simply put, I can't see any reason to continue with this man unless
all you wanted was sex. Because that is about the only thing he could give you that a platonic friend can't.
Your picker seems to be out of calibration. If you want to find what you say you are looking for, you must learn to recognize what qualities such a man should have and (more importantly) what qualities he must not. I'd suggest that you sit down and write out a list of these qualities. Prioritize them the best you can and then evaluate prospective men by this list. You likely won't get everything you want, but the most important are critical. As soon as you see fundamental incompatibility, walk the other way.
If you want a man who can take care of you, unemployment should be a deal-breaker.
If you want a man who has a lot of time to spend with you, someone who tells you they are too busy to date would be a poor choice.
If you want a man to mix with your friends/family and take you out on the town, avoid a man with social anxiety.
If you have an aversion to sex, a man with a voracious sexual appetite should be rejected immediately.
If you have a voracious sexual appetite, a man with an aversion to sex should be equally rejected.
Notice where I have written "if". It does not in any way construe a suggestion that these in fact are your feelings. These are merely illustrative points.
I hope that you can see that there is nothing "wrong" with any of these people, they are simply not compatible with you. The way that you have power to find what you want is by shifting the blame from them and putting it straight on the one person whose actions you can control. You.
Ultimately, the one thing that every man you have dated has in common is you. Don't you think at least some of this is your responsibility? This guy was at least upfront with you that he didn't know if he even had time to date. Why were you surprised when he turned out to be just that?