Should girlfriends Past be an issue? - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
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post #181 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:22 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
I don't think it really matters. As long as a man thinks his wife is stunning, the rest is just noise. Whether or not she's really hot in any objective or societally driven sense makes no difference; if the man in her life thinks she's the bees knees, nothing else matters.
Yes I completely agree, that was my point.

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post #182 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:23 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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In the context of what I've seen so far, there has been some of that going on. But let's be fair ... he's not blaming her, and he's the one that came here asking for assistance. I don't think there is any doubt that Talk2Me knows he is the crux of the issue, he's just trying to sort through it.

No?

The other stuff is just noise.
Actually I think you are right. I think the OP knows that his fears and thoughts are something he needs to overcome.

It's a shame more jaded men/people then him want to keep him mired in thinking of her as a tramp.

I wonder what secondary gain they get out of it...
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post #183 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:27 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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Actually I think you are right. I think the OP knows that his fears and thoughts are something he needs to overcome.

It's a shame more jaded men/people then him want to keep him mired in thinking of her as a tramp.

I wonder what secondary gain they get out of it...
I think that many are warning of the potential future problems, especially when the initial exciting honeymoon period has passed.

Marrying someone is a massive decision. You need to be 100% sure. We all have different criteria that we want in a partner.

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post #184 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:28 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

Just food for thought @Talk2Me

It was only as the culture we live in violently spread its ideology that sex before marriage became a taboo.

In the peaceful societies sex before marriage, or "promiscuity" was encouraged and any who didn't were considered aberrant.

Be glad she has told you, for if you are the only one she has told she put a lot on the line, and it should ease your stress.


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post #185 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:29 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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AHHHHHH

NOW we get down to it.....
Yes, we do.

It is:
The sweet lips.
The perfect and firm breasts.
The shapely waist and hips.
The long legs.
The love of active and adventuress sex from her.
The furry cleft that never tires, never disappoints.
The perfect personality, made in heaven, just for men.

Men want these things.
Most all want them, exclusively.

End of story..... for most men.
.................................................. .................................................. ...............

Most women want the great personality first, the passionate sex following close behind.
Only her behind, and only so at her behest.......of course!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #186 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:39 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

My big question on all of this, discounting how @Diana7 feels [against it], is why our TAM ladies are so quick to defend this promiscuous behavior?
Defend, ignore, look the other way, etc.

I have my own thoughts on this. Prodigious thoughts.

Yes.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................

Maybe someone will be so kind to open a separate thread on this

{Promiscuity in women}. Is it a good or bad thing?

Men will jump right in on this topic, most TAM women, as per usual, will tread lightly here.






[The Helmsman]- I will get Lilith to open up on this topic. She is promiscuous.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #187 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:41 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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I think that many are warning of the potential future problems, especially when the initial exciting honeymoon period has passed.

Marrying someone is a massive decision. You need to be 100% sure. We all have different criteria that we want in a partner.
I thought the God YOU claim to believe in forgives completely, justifies, and make us as if we had never sinned.....

Or are people with pasts still not worthy to marry "good" people?
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post #188 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 02:20 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

Sex at 11, 40 partners, a sugar daddy? She sounds like she has a little bit of a screw loose. It may be fun and great now, but I don't know?? She doesn't sound like someone who will ever really be satisfied.
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post #189 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 02:26 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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Originally Posted by Talk2Me View Post
I've been dating my g/f for almost 2 years now. She is awesome and absolutely the most beautiful woman I've ever dated. The sex is amazing, our connection is amazing, we have the best time together, we live together, she's super intelligent, tons of fun, spontaneous, passionate, successful, etc etc etc.


BUT.......

Her past makes me absolutely crazy.

She was sexually active at a very young age (11 years old) She's slept with approx 40 guys which kills me. I knew about this when we first started dating but I often think about it. The worse of all was she had a Sugar Daddy for approx. a month and a half. They had sex twice (according to her but she's very honest about it and I do believe her) and it drives me insane whenever I think about an older guy paying her basically for sex. She did it when she was in grad school to help pay her bills she says it was the worst decision she's ever made in her life. She said it was after a long-term relationship and she was just in a bad headspace and thought it wouldn't impact her the way it did. She got the idea from a college friend who was doing it to not have student loans.

Anyways, I don't often think about it but whenever I do I have a hole in my heart and it makes my stomach feel sick. She the most caring women I've ever known and our relationship is great but I can't stop thinking about these things and it somewhat makes me think differently of her.

Should I try to keep getting over it or how should I deal with it? We've talked about it obviously but I never bring it up because I really don't want any details about it nor do I want her to think I'm second guessing our relationship.
x3 thats the rule.
She's too damaged to marry.
Have fun with her...but under NO circumstances marry this girl.


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at 1:30 secs
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post #190 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 02:41 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
My big question on all of this, discounting how @Diana7 feels [against it], is why our TAM ladies are so quick to defend this promiscuous behavior?
Defend, ignore, look the other way, etc.

I have my own thoughts on this. Prodigious thoughts.

Yes.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................

Maybe someone will be so kind to open a separate thread on this

{Promiscuity in women}. Is it a good or bad thing?

Men will jump right in on this topic, most TAM women, as per usual, will tread lightly here.






[The Helmsman]- I will get Lilith to open up on this topic. She is promiscuous.
She was promiscuous. That doesn't mean she still is. Perhaps I have defended her past behavior, because she had been abused, but she worked through it and is no long promiscuous.

I believe that people can change. I don't think most do, but when there is great effort people really can and do change. She seems to have made that effort and done that. I think holding it against her is unfair, especially considering why she did it in the first place.

I am conservative. I don't think having sex with multiple people is healthy or good. I don't even believe sex before marriage is appropriate. Yet, I still believe that if everything the OP says about his girlfriend is true that he should get help for dealing with his retroactive jealously and his feelings about her prostitution. If he can't, the relationship will not work. And there's absolutely nothing she can do about her past. What's done is done. She's done everything she can to work through all that and leave it behind her.



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post #191 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 02:55 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

Some interesting reading. Some pretty judgmental views.

As a former man****, I think you should grow some self confidence, embrace what you have found, and trust someone who has shown to be honest and trustworthy. By 2 years you should have seen her true colors. Judge her by her actions and for what you have seen. not some imaginary guess.
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post #192 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 03:01 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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We don't fight about it. I can't change it. When I first found out about the Sugar Daddy thing we got into a blowout fight. I knew she had gone on dates with a few guys for money but there was no sex. However, when I found out about the guy she did have sex with I was really really upset and we almost broke up over it. However, I was already in love with her and wanted to at least try to make it work. I was able to bury it for 6 months or so but every 4-6 weeks it comes back to light for whatever reason and I makes me upset.

I don't ever make her feel bad about it and I don't bring it up to her at all. I know she's ashamed she did it and struggles with it. Why would I just make her feel worse about it? We both want to be happy and we both want to be together. We both struggle with each others past unfortunately.
Have you made an appointment with a therapist yet?


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post #193 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 03:13 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

I find it odd that enjoying sex and doing so with several or many people when one is young and not attached/married somehow makes them a bad, untrustworthy person even though nothing happened except enjoyment. If 40 sex partners is the # that makes someone unable of being a good honest person and unworthy of love I'm a really bad despicable person. But I'm not.
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post #194 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 04:16 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

I'm on the it's not a big deal as she and you are on the exclusive track, she's committed to you, wants to stay that way, and luckily didn't get any permanent health issues.

Recognize it, and let it slip out of your thoughts.
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post #195 of 342 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 04:35 PM
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Re: Should girlfriends Past be an issue?

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I don't know why anyone thinks @Talk2Me and his girlfriend need couple's counseling. This is not a couples issue. It is an Talk2Me issue. All of this is due to something that is bothering Talk2Me that his girlfriend can do nothing about. She cannot change the past. She has worked through the things that caused her to behave that way in the first place. What else can she do! Nothing. There is nothing else she can do. Talk2Me needs to work through this in therapy.
She has some insecurities about herself because of his previous marriage otherwise I'm in perfect agreement because she sounds very solid.
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