Update page 7.
A warning. This will be very long.
I’m writing here because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this for advice and insight. Also I just need to vent to someone for the sake of my sanity.
I’d appreciate your opinions and advice. If you think I’m being unreasonable, please do let me know.
So my husband has a staffy mix dog, big in size, untrained, aggressive and very spoiled. This dog used to be his nephew’s given to him as a gift. The nephew didn’t want her so he put her up for adoption. When his mom and my husband found out they were close to euthanizing the dog in the shelter, they decided to take the dog. But because my husband’s sister (who is about 20 years older than us) was (and still is) living in a government housing and couldn’t keep pets or move (or she’ll lose the government housing) she kept the dog with my husband, so she’d keep coming over to husband’s house to feed, walk and take care of the dog. This is technically my sister in law’s dog. She always refers to her as “my dog, my baby” etc but because she can’t keep a dog at her place, has always kept her with my husband.
Now before we got married, I told my husband that I don’t want pets inside the house. He agreed and after we got married, and rented a new house, he built a large insulated house for the dog, size of a medium sized room outside in the backyard. My sister in law of course wanted the dog to stay in our house, but in the end she agreed.
This dog is aggressive. She has bit my husband’s old roommate before even though she was friendly and accustomed to him. So I would never trust her around my baby therefore there is no chance I’ll let her stay inside.
This dog barks over every little thing outside. If the neighbors come out to their yard, she starts barking, charging at the fence and growling. Wakes up my baby that I try so hard to put to sleep because he’s a terrible sleeper.
I’ve mentioned several times to my husband to get a trainer to train the dog, but it falls on deaf ears.
Also, this dog is on a raw meat diet and is a picky eater. If you don’t cut up the meat in little bits, she won’t eat it. Sister in law has alway hand fed her, so she’s very spoiled. I have to feed her sometimes and it’s so annoying to sit there and basically have to bribe the dog to eat, like a baby. I bought normal dog food once, because it’s easier than playing with raw meat (which takes up space in my freezer, more on that later), but SIL didn’t even entertain the idea, said those foods are unhealthy so the raw meat diet continued.
Now here is the problem. Sister in law comes over almost every day to see the dog. Comes over unannounced. When the dog hears her at the door, goes crazy barking waking up my baby. She keeps the meat in my freezer and fridge. I used to have to clean up pools of blood in the fridge because she’d carelessly put bags of meat in there. And 75% of my freezer was at some point all meat for the dog. I Needed space for the purées I was going to make and freeze for my baby, and there was absolutely no space. I asked her to just keep the door compartment of the freezer for the dog, and if she could take the rest of the meat. She said ok, but days went by without her doing anything. In the end after my husband and I got into an argument about it, he threw all the meat out.
This woman is so careless. She has bent two of my good knives while cutting frozen meat. She bangs the meat on my tiles to break them up, seriously who does that?
Goes through my fridge sometimes for things she can feed the dog, any left over rice or cheese and whatnot. Leaves bloody handprints on my fridge and freezer door. Uses my olive oil to wipe all over the dog as a massage because “it’s healthy”. Then let’s the dog lick the oil off her hands. Then without washing her hands, goes and grabs things in my kitchen. Especially because the dog is on a raw meat diet, I think that’s unsanitary. Doesn’t disinfect after using my kitchen things after cutting up meat. Husband always tell her to wash her hands before playing with the baby, but I noticed she only rinses her hands quickly with water, doesn’t use soap.
Another problem is that when we were renting this house, my husband didn’t think about the backyard not having door to the outside. I didn’t get to see the house before he signed the lease, and it was too late. So the dog has to come into our house to get outside. I don’t like the dog having to walk where my baby crawls, but there’s nothing else we can do so I deal with that. However, SIL takes the dog to swim in the pond. Comes back and there’s muddy dog prints on my tiles. I know she sees them, but doesn’t wipe them clean. I’m the one that has to clean the floors again. Then the next day, there’s the dog prints again. I told her to wipe the dog’s feet before coming in, and now she does, but still she’s not careful about making sure there’s no dirt because she’s careless. And the fact my baby is crawling on that is disgusting.
I’m so sick and tired of this all. Now in our culture, it’s rude and frowned upon to tell your elders what to do. But I am the one dealing with this, and I’m getting really resentful towards my husband for making me deal with this. We keep having arguments because of this.
He does sometimes tell her to make sure she washes her hands, but clearly this woman is so careless and irresponsible she just doesn’t care. And it’s unfair I’m the one stuck having to deal with it.
Usually what happens is I’ll talk to my husband about the bloody hand print or something his sister ruined, or dirtied. Then he tells me you’re right, he’ll talk to his sister about it, but the next couple of days my husband acts quiet towards me, making me feel like I’m just nagging or did something bad.
So I have not been bothering telling him anything, even though he tells me to tell him when something bothers me.
Yesterday, he noticed I was quiet and short after his sister left. Then I let it all out how I feel disgusting in the house, how I’m tired of disinfecting and cleaning after his sister, how she’s careless, how I don’t have time to be cleaning after her when I have a baby to look after have a thousand things in the house I have to get done. He said I’m right, that he’ll talk to her today, but he’s been quiet with me again, making me feel guilty for saying something.
What’s the solution to this? I’m ready to go against our culture and just tell this woman directly that i feel gross because she’s not being clean. This will of course cause drama and like I said, in our culture I’ll be crossing a boundary. But I’m absolutely sick of it all.
This is causing a big strain on me. All day I feel it ruins my mood and I am starting to resent my husband for not stepping up. Please any advice.
Last edited by Annizka; 09-05-2019 at 07:57 PM.
Reason: Adding update page number in the original text so itÂ’s easier for people to find