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post #1 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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NYT article on house chore inequality

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/04/o...core-ios-share

Even though women work often times just as much as men, and make just as much as men... we still see house chore inequality. I see this with most of my friends.

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post #2 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 12:18 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

In my house, it probably goes the other way, but not by much.

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post #3 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 12:24 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

I cook meals for my wife and kids. Always have
even when they were young. I pick up after myself
and the kids were young did that also. I sort and do
laundry and everything that would or could be described
as a household chore. I taught my sons how to do things
for themselves also. I see and love my wife as my lifelong
partner not my maid.

She is one half of the whole, I am the other.
Together one complete working and caring for
each other. Even outside jobs.

Maybe I am an exception but I don't think anyone
should have to be dependent on someone to survive.

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post #4 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

I mean let’s be honest. Every adult should be picking up after themselves. If your an adult and your not putting your clothes in a hamper, and cleaning up your trash, and rinsing your dishes and putting them in the dishwasher... that’s a problem. Picking up after yourself is not a chore.
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post #5 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 01:46 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

I did my chore this morning. Just want to get that out there before the bashing begins.
Chore is a disputed word and @Girl_power has addressed this in her latest post. Quote "Picking up after yourself is not a chore."
But like many things it is much easier to say what something is not than to define what something is.

The dictionary says "a routine task, especially a household one." picking up after yourself is certainly a household task, but when it becomes "routine" then we want to define it as "Not a chore".
The dictionary's second definition may work better for us. "an unpleasant but necessary task." Picking up after yourself is arguably necessary, but we may soon be inundated by claims that it is not "unpleasant".
So Just for fun mashing up the definitions I get A routine (repeating, endless etc.) unpleasant, necessary, household task.

Now how to determine if the task qualifies under this definition.
Routine No matter how often or well you do the task it has to be done again. This weekend I'm going to spray the dandelions. I may have to hit them twice, but after that, the task should be done for the year, So not a Chore.
Unpleasant If you can't get someone to volunteer to do this it is unpleasant. For me it is hard to see cooking as a chore, but this morning My daughter would not remove clothes from the drier and put them in a basket, so it must be a chore.
Necessary, This is tricky but most men will agree that if SWMBO says it is necessary then it is. DW will tell me that sorting socks is not necessary as she is happy to fish in the basket. On the other hand I have seen wives here complain that their incompetent husbands can't vacuum in the right direction. What I'm saying here is that you can make a non-chore task into a Chore task by either making it necessary by fiat, or by making it unpleasant.
Household, This one got thrown in so that certain repetitive tasks would be excluded from the fairness equation. Automotive is not household. Anything happening in the field or Stream is not household. Anything in the yard or garden may not be household (results vary), but Grocery shopping is Household (somehow) unless of course it is done as a stop on the way home from work.

Disclaimer: I see this thread as light hearted and offer up these definitions in that spirit. Feel free to rip, shred, or mutilate, I'm not that attached to it.
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post #6 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

There are A lot of annoying tasks that have to be done and take up our time. If we live alone, we have to do all the tasks ourselves. Plenty of people live alone, and are even single parents. But then when you couple up for some reason chores become a issue in marriage.
I read on here all the times about marriages failing, resentment, lack of sex, lack of appreciation etc. and I swear many times it has to do with “chores” and managing the house and years and years of it.
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post #7 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 02:41 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
There are A lot of annoying tasks that have to be done and take up our time. If we live alone, we have to do all the tasks ourselves. Plenty of people live alone, and are even single parents. But then when you couple up for some reason chores become a issue in marriage.
I read on here all the times about marriages failing, resentment, lack of sex, lack of appreciation etc. and I swear many times it has to do with “chores” and managing the house and years and years of it.
You should probably dig into this a little bit. Studies have shown that helping with chores does not help improve sex life in the majority of cases.

It may work for you individually.

That said, partners should carry their weight simply because it's something they ought to do, not because it will equal more sex.

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post #8 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 02:47 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/04/o...core-ios-share

Even though women work often times just as much as men, and make just as much as men... we still see house chore inequality. I see this with most of my friends.
Unless they get pregnant.
Unless they don't have to leave work to get sick kids.
Unless they don't stay home with sick kids.
Unless their time of the month doesn't make them call in sick.


"we still see house chore inequality"... Like mowing grass, cutting trees, and changing oil?

garbage opinion IMO.
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post #9 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
You should probably dig into this a little bit. Studies have shown that helping with chores does not help improve sex life in the majority of cases.

It may work for you individually.

That said, partners should carry their weight simply because it's something they ought to do, not because it will equal more sex.

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I don’t think it’s about the chores per-say... I think it’s about respect and appreciation which does affection your relationship with your spouse. For me specifically... there were things that my ex husband did that he thought were no big deal... never clean his dish, never reuse the same towel etc. these little things were SO disrespectful to me. It made me resent him terribly.
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post #10 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Unless they get pregnant.
Unless they don't have to leave work to get sick kids.
Unless they don't stay home with sick kids.
Unless their time of the month doesn't make them call in sick.


"we still see house chore inequality"... Like mowing grass, cutting trees, and changing oil?

garbage opinion IMO.


I live alone. I’ve cut my grass, been getting my oil changed since I started driving. And if I needed a tree cut, I would pay someone to do it.

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post #11 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:06 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I live alone. I’ve cut my grass, been getting my oil changed since I started driving. And if I needed a tree cut, I would pay someone to do it.
You are no where near typical then, are you?
Guess you could always pay someone to do chores too...so there's that.
"never clean his dish, never reuse the same towel etc. these little things were SO disrespectful to me"...I totally agree with you here...
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post #12 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:16 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

Quote:
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/04/o...core-ios-share


Though many men are in denial about it, their resistance communicates a feeling of entitlement to women’s labor. Men resist because it is in their “interest to do so,” write Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams, leaders in the field of family studies, in their book, “Gender and Families.” By passively refusing to take an equal role, men are reinforcing “a separation of spheres that underpins masculine ideals and perpetuates a gender order privileging men over women.”
Then why does NMMNG sell so many copies? https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Ni...dp/0762415339/

The premise of that book is men that are raised by their moms to be obedient and please their families. Nice guys often do all the work around the house and perhaps women resist because it is in their nature to do so as well.

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post #13 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:17 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Unless they get pregnant.
Unless they don't have to leave work to get sick kids.
Unless they don't stay home with sick kids.
Unless their time of the month doesn't make them call in sick.


"we still see house chore inequality"... Like mowing grass, cutting trees, and changing oil?

garbage opinion IMO.
You sort of just made the point of the article. The article was not about sharing household chores in general - it was about sharing childrearing tasks. So if the wife is having to miss work whenever the kids are sick and the husband never does, she is going to be resentful. And so is her employer.

(I have never met any female that missed work for having their period. I guess I just know a heartier stock of women.)

I too like to mow the lawn and prune the **** out of everything. Nobody should let me touch me a chainsaw though.
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post #14 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 04:41 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by Bluesclues View Post
You sort of just made the point of the article. The article was not about sharing household chores in general - it was about sharing childrearing tasks. So if the wife is having to miss work whenever the kids are sick and the husband never does, she is going to be resentful. And so is her employer.



(I have never met any female that missed work for having their period. I guess I just know a heartier stock of women.)



I too like to mow the lawn and prune the **** out of everything. Nobody should let me touch me a chainsaw though.
What self-respecting man ever allowed sense to prevent him from using power equipment?

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post #15 of 171 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 04:45 PM
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Re: NYT article on house chore inequality

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
What self-respecting man ever allowed sense to prevent him from using power equipment?
I never understood my wife's resistance to putting a kick-starter on a vibrator...

Then she rode on the back of a Harley with me and became a convert.
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