My husband doesnít know how to speak my love language at all. He doesnít touch me. Hold me. The only time we touch is during sex, which heís very good at. But the intimate part of soft hand holding, touching me, kissing me, and even acknowledging me when I get home from work is non existent. I feel invisible.
Iíve talked to him about this until Iím blue in the face. He tries to improve, but tells me itís just not in his DNA. ... He never learned touch as a love language. His dad abandoned his family and his mother is stone cold. She doesnít show affection.
That's tragic, and not his fault. But it's concerning that he thinks he can't change. Change, learning, and growth, are possible. "Talking to him about it" won't help much, especially if it sounds like a complaint. The only way is to practise, in tiny steps. Showing not telling. It's actually not that hard to learn if he's willing to try, as long as it doesn't seem like criticism.
He constantly tells me weíre not living our best life and I donít know what to say.
He's got cold feet about settling down. There needs to be a creative conversation about "best life".
Iím saddened to feel like creating a home life with me doesnít feel like his best life.
Resist the tempation to "feel hurt that he would say that", ie cultivating resentment.
For the first time in my life at the age of 34, Iím finally in a career I love... correction... itís my dream job. About a year before I found my dream job, he found his. Itís amazing. We love what we do.
You know what? I am slightly nervous of this idealising thing. "best life" , and "dream job". Pedestals. And the same with people. Slightly exaggerated perceptions.
When I found my Very demanding job...
I am wondering what very demanding means. Do you have anything left for him?
I know he fell out of love with me. He stopped seeing me. He stopped speaking to me kindly. I just stopped existing to him. I got anxiety anytime I walked into my own home. So I dove into my career. Iím a smart, sexy, kind, loving woman. How could he stop seeing me? Itís the worst feeling Iíve ever experienced.
It's the end of the honeymoon phase. It doesn't have to mean the end of love. Not at all. But if you each withdraw, it doesn't go well. Stay in contact with each other.
And so Iíve been talking and texting this other man. Itís been a nice distraction. And I started to care for him. But the last two weeks, I knew I needed to end that if I wanted any hope of moving forward with my marriage.
Yes. If this other man knew you were married, and indulged in this, then he's not really of good character.
My personal counselor told me not to tell my husband about the other person. At least not yet. It would only clear my conscious, but be extremely hurtful to him.
There is something to be said for that. Is your conscience troubling you - did you do anything wrong? It might be worth telling your husband at least this much: "When he put his hand on the small of my back at the airport, it had a huge effect. I was really shaken. I am very vulnerable at the moment. I need you to do that for me."
Iím not even sure what this post is really about. Iím mourning I guess. Iím mourning the loss of this person I felt a connection to when Iím not getting it at home.
There are several things getting mixed together here. One is that your husband was brought up not to be a touchy person. That can change. Another is that you think he doesn't love you any more. You may or may not be right. I would be cautious of jumping to that conclusion. These two things are not the same.