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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 11:24 AM
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,197
Re: Lack of Communication

Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Yes, the classic smothering maneuver.

He sounds like he is not ready for an exclusive relationship with @Ursula, or maybe with no one, for that matter.

This all points to going at relationships slowly. Let 'them' smother you, if that is what the end game looks like.
I think not.

Many mature folks need some space in their lives. Space to unwind, maybe to collapse.

Love can come rapidly.

Often, it arrives slowly, creeping first into your day dreams, then night dreams, then into your heart, into your bed....remaining for an eternity.

Some people are slow to love, and fast to absolve themselves of this.
They are to be avoided.

Some people are slow to love and eventually become fast with it, holding it firmly, never letting it go.
These are rational lovers, and can become passionate lovers, given time.

Some people are hot and fast lovers.
Yea, their fire burns down quickly, they are ever looking for the next campfire, the next hot ember to take, take within and quench.
Steal the heat from, quench and discard.
Avoid these with a passion, a passion, a passion....

[THM]- Lilith
This is a good lust/whoops list. ❤❤😊😊

And some of us dance across all of the keys, playing life fully; Bach at times, The Ramones or Billy Idol at others.

and all through the middle. 😊😊😊

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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 11:26 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,670
Re: Lack of Communication

Hey all, thanks for your thoughts on this theyre all appreciated! Navigating the dating world after a divorce is a different game altogether, and Im still trying to find my footing.

As to pinning him down for weekly plans on his off weeks, in his defence, I dont really give him a chance to be the first to do this. I like him and am excited to see him, so I make sure we can spend some time together. I need to give him a chance to also do this though.

We got together last night and we talked. Hes explained to me before that when there are a lot of stressful things going on, picking up the phone or writing a text isnt something he thinks about. I get that, and I know his situation because hes very open about it. His situation last week was beyond nuts, and once he explained things to me last night, I understood 100%. That doesnt help MY mindset when were not in contact, but its something that we need to work through, and I really need to calm the heck down. Yes, Im important too, but I know how it feels when your tank is empty, you really have nothing to give anyone, and are just running on fumes and trying to stay afloat.

When we talk either on the phone or in-person, communication is present, its open and very transparent on both parts. He speaks with kindness not only to me, but to those around him, and he has made plans for future events. @Affaircare, you mentioned that not everyone is a talker/texter/writer, and youre right. Hes a really quiet man, an introvert like me, a planner/organizer and he likes routine like me. He was never a texter from the get-go, and I actually appreciated not having to have a cell phone in my hand all the bloody time because its annoying to always be on. Hes sweet and protective of me, and while I forget when were apart, when were together, he obviously cares as his actions really speak to that. Funny that you mention love languages; we had a conversation about that a couple weeks ago.

@NextTimeAround, nope, I would never cancel plans with family or friends for any man. Whoever I make plans with first is who I spend time with.

So, Im going to work on myself, calming down and realizing that not everything is directly associated to how me may/may not feel about me. Were both pretty new to this dating thing, and have some things to figure out as we go along. I will be stepping back with always initiating weekly get togethers and give him a chance to initiate. To me, being in a relationship means that youre there for good times and bad, and youre there to support one another through the latter.
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 03:50 PM
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,197
Re: Lack of Communication

I can say that when dating DW, and after the initial dropping of current gfs in stages to exclusivity, my DW kind of set the schedule of our social life.

Course by that time she was at my apt almost nightly and my days were spent making sure she had all she needed kind of routinely.

She answered the door to more than one old gf who just dropped by, handled it gracefully if a bit "sucks for you" to them. Women. I do freely admit it didn't hurt my ego.

So, I myself would be fine with you setting our schedules as long as if there was a conflict we just rearranged a bit.

He!!, that's my life now.
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 04:18 PM
FieryHairedLady's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,118
Re: Lack of Communication

He may be on the rebound. He may not be healed to fully commit to another big relationship so soon to his divorce.

Best of luck Ursula.
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