She usually gave me the benefit of the doubt, now it's all excuses to her.
No they are not. I rarely even go out with my friends, but if I'm in the middle of texting them and take too long she starts to feel neglected. I try to rush but when under pressure out of fear she's going to blow up in my face seems I end up taking longer. Work is different at least, she doesn't blow up over calls or texts from work otherwise I'll be screwed.
Well, once again, it doesn't look like your girlfriend just can't tolerate you texting your friends, it's just a symptom of the bigger issue - her feeling neglected.
We did that, I got her involved and it's become a cause of drama because she could stalk when I could talk to fellow hobbyists and use that as an example of me neglecting her when I talk to them more than her which is a recent catalyst. She's no expert and new like me, of course I'm going to ask more from the experts. So yeah, sometimes solutions blow up in our faces. Right now she's told me to quit so we've given up on that particular hobby and I've come to learn to never share an activity that involves other people either than her! If it ain't solo, don't get her involved!
More info is needed on this. Were you focusing your interactions with other people, and just expecting her to tag along behind you? Or did you make a concerted effort to involve and focus on her?
If that hobby/sport didn't work out, try another one. Like I said, it will likely take a while to find one you both enjoy, that fits the bill.
It's not that I don't kiss her, it's just that I don't kiss her as often as she wants me to! And she wants me to initiate! Affection has always been natural for me and I can't stand it when I have to mentally tell myself to do show it a particular way and not my way. I've had this same issue with several exs maybe I'm just not fit for a relationship. Yes I've given in and tried, but it's still not enough for her, perhaps I'm not putting in enough effort for her love language I don't know.
Ok, so why not kiss her more? Why not have a make out session? Do all the snuggling, and nose brushing that you enjoy, while making out. A make out session doesn't have to consist of only kissing.
It's difficult for me to promise and I'm just tired of this and feeling so inadequate in furfilling her needs that she's complained about repeatedly. The first time she mentioned it I already wanted to end it because I told her there's only 3 things she can do that will make me end things with her:
1) She falls out of love with me
2) She cheats on me or betrays my trust
3) She will be better off without me
When she makes me feel like number 3... bah! It led to quite some dramas in the past until I made her the promise that I would no longer try to decide on her behalf whether to stay or go. She's freed me from that promise recently.
Well that's not good. Dude, I'm telling you right now, if you value this woman, you need to wake up. She starting to distance herself from you, and if you don't do something, you're going to hurt her, and lose her.
That's the thing though like, if I have to be guarded with my own partner and not be fully transparent then I'll just have the type of relationships I had in the past where I needed my space. This relationship has been so refreshing for me because of the transparency and the feeling that we are two parts of a whole. If I have to give that up our dynamics will shift too much in a direction I don't want it to shift and gives me even more reason to not continue.
The times where I'm texted others while she's in front of me is my fault and I've made compromises for that. Other several times I'm lost in thought and before I even formulate my thoughts into something plausible to share she accuses me of being silent, those are the worst ones and I don't think despite attempting to explain it she understands the concept of that.
Then stop doing what you're doing now, and do what you did at the beginning when everything was good. She's not a crazy psycho, which someone could mistake her for by the descriptions you've given. She's been pushed into being all clingy because you push her away. Stop pushing her away, and it will break this nasty cycle of you withdrawing, her becoming upset, so you withdraw some more, so she gets more upset, so you want to be even further away.... and on and on it goes.
Break the cycle.
Well I wouldn't want her to give back rubs or BJs if she doesn't enjoy it. I wouldn't dare to ask such a compromise from her.
Besides it's not that I don't like kissing her I do enjoy it and when I'm in certain cuddle positions I kiss her repeatedly. I just don't want it to be expected or routine or to have a specified quota as a determinant whether she feels loved or not - which ok sure, that's not my choice to make as she's her and I'm me and that lies the problem - if it's just compatibility.
I very much doubt she has a specific number in mind. "He needs to kiss me at least 13 times each day, and he only does so 7!". You realize you sound like a withholding wife right now? "I don't mind sex, I just don't want it to be expected, or have to do it a certain number of times each week."
Sure most of them, but I'm sure that persistent bugger probably could treat her better considering how he worships the grounds she walks on. Besides doormats need love too.
She has her moments, like myself as well.
When together very few moments of silence. When apart, we generally text 15-30 minutes between texts.
In the past I didn't text her back for hours which she didn't like. In the beginning we didn't use to have problems with it; when she doesn't text me for hours I trusted that she was ok and give her space to live her life and when she responds I'm happy and I did the same, but since emotions got involved she began to require regular affirmation which I've adapted to. I used to be able to maintain my focus on whatever I am doing but now I have mental cues in my brain to "text her, keep her updated"
Now it's not really the frequency of the content but the content itself she's not satisfied with. She wants me to start more topics and not just respond for example, but not every thought is worth sharing for me.
If it wasn't for the frequency of our stupid little fights the loop would probably just diminish itself in our bliss but now it's a serious cause of concern.
Have you talked to her about this in a non-combative way? Told her that you really want to meet her needs, but that you're not a very creative conversationalist? That you feel hampered in your ability to please her, but that you want to, and ask her for advice on what you can do that would please her?
Maybe she's not expecting anything original, or awe-inspiring in your replies. She just wants your responses to communicate interest. You've probably texted a girl in times past, that responded with one-word answers, never asked you a single question, and all that? It's a pretty strong communicator of disinterest. That
, could be what she has a problem with. Not that you don't generate new theories on meta-physics to discuss together each day.
Anyway it may seem that I'm complaining about her but in the end she's the best I've ever found. She's smart, beautiful, loyal, caring, funny, hardworking, giving, romantic, honest, trustworthy, in other words she's complete perfection. And for the year and a half she's been with me she's treated me like a king and she has the right to demand effort.
Issue isn't about her integrity or quality, issue is all compatibility. The issue is that I'm coming out short of her subjective expectations and unable to please her. How can I dare to even ask her to be more compromising when yes, she does more of the little things. I hate the words coming out from my mind as I pour them on this thread because I know she's done alot for me and I don't want to discredit her side of things.
Then rise to her expectations. You've got a good woman here man. Someone who, evidently, will stay by your side and be good to you. Stop being angry about past wrongs. Forgive them and put them behind you. Hit the reset button and start anew with her.
Cause I'm telling you, if you don't pull it together right now, and hold on to this woman, you're going to realize what a huge mistake it was once she's gone.
If you want my advice, go get her flowers, go to her apartment/house at the very next opportunity (right now, would be good), and say you're sorry. That you've been an idiot. That you want her to be happy, and that you're willing to do whatever it takes.