I got locked out of my account last night and couldn’t get back in until this morning. How frustrating!
The things that I have suggested are usually much more relaxing trips. Maybe an all inclusive resort or something like that where I can sit by a pool, or we can spend time talking and reconnecting instead of exhausting ourselves at a theme park until we are sick.
Earlier in our marriage when I could walk longer and further I would have loved a trip to some countries in Europe, but I think the window for those is closed pretty much now. It’s all theme parks and stuff focused around the kids.
I know it’s hard when our oldest is entering her senior year to not get caught up in what the kids want to do, but even they are tired of our theme park vacations.
I’m probably over-sensitive about holding everyone back and I’m not even saying they can’t have their fun, but truly there’s not much for me to enjoy. I have brought this up to him... his response is usually “well what do you want to do?!”
The way he says it is incredibly discouraging, and I maybe I’m imagining things when it sounds to me like he’s thinking “this is what it is, you can’t expect us to go on vacation and just sit around”.
Like I said, I'm already extremely sensitive about it and don’t want to ruin everyone’s fun, but the two options for me are to go along for the ride or stay in hotel room alone. Am I asking too much of him to have me in mind for vacations sometimes?
Not even everytime! He just says “well I can’t read your mind, if there’s something you want to do then you need to tell me and research accessibility etc..”.
Having my mother in law along makes it all the more difficult because he feels like he is responsible for her enjoyment, and it does seem like he will do what she wants to do which is a lot of the adventuring kind of things. She’s young at heart 😉 But what about my enjoyment?
I’m not saying these trips are all completely terrible, but they are coupled with anxiety and loneliness often times for me.
My kids are in a rigorous program in school and ironically lately when it’s vacation time, they just want to stay at home or do something relaxing. I suggested that if he wanted to do something fun, maybe he take his mom and my younger son on a fun trip and myself and the older kids stay at home or do something else.
I hoped he’d see the ridiculousness of going our separate ways on vacation but he didn’t. He thought it was a great idea.
Fun story, this past year we celebrated our 20th anniversary. We decided to book a cruise with another couple. He invited his mom. I wasn’t loving the idea but he assured me like he does every time that we would have some time alone.
Then she realized it wouldn’t work out. In the meantime, I decided to invite my parents so at least I wouldn’t be alone a lot. Lol - so this time it was the other way around and although he would never admit he’s wrong, he maybe got a taste of having in-laws along and it changing the dynamic.
What ended up happening is he had a great time with the kids zip lining and para-sailing while I enjoyed some time with my aging parents on the boat. Not really an anniversary trip after all.
Also, him walking ahead and me lagging behind is a problem I don’t often deal with anymore because we usually rent a wheelchair for times with long walks etc. At least I am less anxious about falling and the like, and he is kind of forced to push me.
Moderator note: please can you try to add more paragraph breaks? For some members large amounts of text are hard to read on phones, etc. <a href="https://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Wink" >:-)</a>
Last edited by enealey; 07-19-2019 at 12:54 PM.