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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-03-2019, 11:07 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by BeingFair View Post
I think I like the idea of buying a new house as soon as possible like 6 months after marriage in case she want try sell her house .

Her only assets is what she paid on the house during the last 5 years and yes it should be only her ......my significant assets is in a saving account and this is mine only because I made it before marriage , do you think the Prenuptial agreement is important in this case? Is it offensive to ask her that we sign a prenuptial agreement
One of the issues with sole property is that if, after you marry, you put any assets/income earned during marriage into the pre-marriage/sole-property asset, it's converted to community property.

For example, let's say that you have a savings account with $20,000 before you marry her. After you marry her
1) if you keep the $20,000 saving account and never put any money that you earn after marriage into the account, it's your sole property. You could open a new account after marriage for any additional money you save, and new account is community property.

But

2) if you put some of your earnings (or other) community assets into the account after you marry, it converts ALL of the money in the account to a community asset. So if you start out with $20,000 when you marry her. Then years later you have added another $15,000 to the account. The entire $35,000 is not converted to community assets and she would get half of the $35,000 in a divorce.

Whether or not you should get a prenup depends on how much money you have talking about here and if the amount each of you has is of similar value. For example if you have $20,000 in savings and she was $20,000 in home equity when you marry, things are pretty much even.

If the two of you marry and then buy a house, are you two going to put equal amounts down on the house? Or would you be putting the majority of the down payment?


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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 11:16 AM
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Re: I'll be married soon

You've been getting some advice here from both sides. Some premarital legal advice, and some for the impending divorce. Some of it correct, some, not so much.

Most advice you've gotten has been from females it seems.

You stated that you're financially stable. You've only stated she has a house, not that she's actually 'financially stable'.

Would this be her first marriage? Your first? Any kids on either side?

No offense, hear comes the 2X4, you seem a bit naive. I'm barely old enough to be your father, at 58, but let me give you a little mature male advice. At your age, and your accumulation of personal wealth, YOU'D BE CRAZY TO GET MARRIED!!!

If you were my son, I'd slap you in the back of the head in an attempt to knock some sense into you! Loving, light slap of course.

Prenups are written on toilet paper. Don't put your entire future in someone else's hands.

Your own words, you just feel like this is the next step. Why? Preprogramming.

I wish you good luck on whatever you choose. But I wouldn't get married in your situation knowing what I know now.
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 12:54 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Yes she is still paying on her house , she paid only like 5 years and still 25.



She like the house for now and she says we can live in it for a year or two then buy another one together .



I never thought about having my name on the house deed or the utilities ... what are the advantages ? if i want to make it win-win relationship and fair



Thanks
Fair and win win are going to be highly subjective here, despite what some of the others are saying.

Advantages: you can deal with the associated companies with no issues. No problems with transfers upon a death.

Disadvantages: as others have noted, ownership and equity issues.

With the house, you two have to decide whether it's her house or your (plural) house. Will you feel like it's as much yours (singular) as hers? Will both of you feel comfortable with any changes/additions you might want to make?

Also keep in mind the difference between a true marriage and a legal one. The legal one is only for matters of legality, such as home ownership, property inheritance, medical decisions, etc. My legal wife and I were married for years before we ever got it legally recognized, and even then it was only because it became legally advantageous.

If you want to enter into a marriage without the legal hassles, then do so. You forgo many legal advantages and protections, but only the two of you can decide whether that is right for you or not.

Something I just thought of. Don't feel a pressure to get a new house together right away. Make sure you take you time and look for the one right for you two in the long run. Consider whether you want single level or multi floors. Number of bathrooms. How much entertaining will you do. Do you need specialty rooms, such as a library or board game room (we need both)? It's a marriage. You are planning to spend decades together. You've got time.

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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 12:59 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Is it offensive to ask her that we sign a prenuptial agreement
Ask her. Find out what she finds fair between you. Both of you should be looking at the possibility of divorce, however slim it might be. How important is it to protect what you have now over what you create together. Again this is subjective territory, and only you two can decide what is and isn't fair.

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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 01:04 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
Wait a second. You’re 40 but weren’t “hell yes” to marrying her?

Why not?
Why should he be? Not all marriages are about love, at least the Hollywood style. Sometimes people will marry because it is advantageous to both. My favorite example, albeit fiction, is from the law show with Shatner and Spade. Their characters are close friends, but not lovers. But Spade's character wants to marry Shatner's character in order to be able to better care for him as Alzheimer's sets in.

Even with love being a factor for the OP, why does it have to be an enthusiastic type of situation?

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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 02:06 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by maquiscat View Post
Why should he be? Not all marriages are about love, at least the Hollywood style. Sometimes people will marry because it is advantageous to both. My favorite example, albeit fiction, is from the law show with Shatner and Spade. Their characters are close friends, but not lovers. But Spade's character wants to marry Shatner's character in order to be able to better care for him as Alzheimer's sets in.

Even with love being a factor for the OP, why does it have to be an enthusiastic type of situation?

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Uh, I wouldn't want to marry someone that wasn't enthusiastic about it, and if I weren't enthusiastic about it, especially at a mature 40, I'd be asking myself why.

You can get everything you want from a relationship without tying the knot. It isn't something you easily undo. So why do it if you're not all in?
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 02:11 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by BeingFair View Post
Hello ,

I'm dating a woman since 4 years ago , everything is good and no issues but she started talking about marriage and I was hesitant at the beginning but then I said ok and I felt I'm ready to make this step .

we both are matured , we both are 40 years old .... she have a good heart and we really love each other .

Next step is to get married and we are planning for that but I'm trying also to avoid any future issues and to make the marriage work.

I live in an apartment and she have a house and I'm planning to move to live with her , I'm financially stable and she know that but for me to move to live in her house is not an easy step .

I'm thinking of the following options :

1- Buy another house, share the mortgage with her and we live in it " this option may take some time to find a house and sell her house"
2- Live in her house and pay her a monthly rent and keep the house on her name

I'm a fair person and I don't want trouble in the future because of something silly like that so i really need your advice .
I see what you are saying/feeling? It is her house and you may feel like a guest? Or renter? How will this house become your home? She has invested a lot of money in the home and may have feelings about selling? A lot of questions.

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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 02:20 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
Uh, I wouldn't want to marry someone that wasn't enthusiastic about it, and if I weren't enthusiastic about it, especially at a mature 40, I'd be asking myself why.
And that's you, and it's perfectly legit. But it's not necessarily universal.



Quote:
You can get everything you want from a relationship without tying the knot. It isn't something you easily undo. So why do it if you're not all in?
Depends on what you want from the relationship. While there are indeed some things a legal marriage grants that you can use other legal avenues to get, there is much much more than can only be obtained with legal marriage. Furthermore, by obtaining a legal marriage, you can get them all for a lot less than paying for all those other legal documents separately.

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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 04:47 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

Good luck @BeingFair. Hope all goes well. Here's a nice little song of love.


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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 05:33 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

I dont believe in pre-nups. If you are not 100% committed then don't marry her. Personally I would suggest selling her home and buying somewhere together right away.

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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 07:56 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

This post is hard for me to relate to because when I’m in it, I’m 100% in it. I think your thinking too much into this to be honest. What is the worst case scenario? You waste $$ on a property you don’t legally own? If that’s your big concern than you two should shoulder a house together and split it and have both your names on the mortgage.
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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-08-2019, 06:03 AM
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Re: I'll be married soon

I too don't feel that you're enthusiastic about this marriage. If that's the case, you shouldn't proceed - there's nothing wrong with that.

I personally wouldn't ask for, and wouldn't sign a pre-nup, but that's me and I do understand why people do it, it's just not something I would do.

I'm an all in or all out kinda gal. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that.

And I would NEVER, not in a pink fit, charge my HUSBAND rent!!! Omg!
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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-08-2019, 12:49 AM
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Re: I'll be married soon

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Originally Posted by jlg07 View Post
Whatever you do, TALK with her about this and let her know your views on this. I'm sure you can both get to a decent conclusion for your marriage.
FWIW, I have a friend who got married very late in life (50+) and both he and his wife had fully paid-off houses.
They decided to sell both, and they bought a new place to begin their life together -- that way they were both in it equally.
As others have said, it also makes a statement about commitment, selling the two separate houses and going in together with one. Seems so... obvious? Unless going into the venture with cold feet, in which case I'd suggest putting things on ice for a while.
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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 03:27 PM
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Re: I'll be married soon

[QUOTE=BeingFair;19963825]Hello ,

I'm dating a woman since 4 years ago , everything is good and no issues but she started talking about marriage and I was hesitant at the beginning but then I said ok and I felt I'm ready to make this step .

we both are matured , we both are 40 years old .... she have a good heart and we really love each other .

Next step is to get married and we are planning for that but I'm trying also to avoid any future issues and to make the marriage work.

I live in an apartment and she have a house and I'm planning to move to live with her , I'm financially stable and she know that but for me to move to live in her house is not an easy step .

I'm thinking of the following options :

1- Buy another house, share the mortgage with her and we live in it " this option may take some time to find a house and sell her house"
2- Live in her house and pay her a monthly rent and keep the house on her name

I'm a fair person and I don't want trouble in the future because of something silly like that so i really need your advice .[/QUOTE

Marriage is a serious step in life, especially for two mature people. You need to do a few things that will require you to talk about a lot of things in your future.

You need to both go to an attorney and set up wills, living trusts, power of attorney, death directives, etc. Nobody likes to think about those things, but responsible people get them drawn up.

Second you need to go to some couple's counseling prior to marriage. Far to many people "assume" things about marriage and even what marriage is like without talking and agreeing to what they are getting into. A good couples marriage counselor can guide some discussions on the most common problems couples face.

Good luck.
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