Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualities? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 11:46 AM
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Cool Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

In both of my cases, neither were really deemed as "world beaters," but they both had attractive, addictive personalities!

But I was young and stupid then, not even remotely suspecting that they would both ultimately cheat!

One for a company promotion, and the other(RSXW) just to get porked, for the hell of it!



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post #17 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 12:00 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

When I first saw my wife I desperately wanted to get her naked. Like I couldnít take my eyes off of her. The attraction was very high.

But it was actually our first phone call when she started talking about philosophy when I knew she was really something special.
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post #18 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 12:07 PM
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I’ve dated many men that I wouldn’t have necessarily had noticed them without knowing them but I wasn’t *not* attracted either.

I have a list of needs and dealbreakers. Almost all matter more to me than attraction.

There’s many things that make a hot guy unattractive to me.
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post #19 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 12:11 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

I never date a guy I’m not strongly attracted to. This is based on many things, it’s not always a perfect body or face, it’s a body and face that I personally feel drawn to. Some of the guys I date are apparently attractive to most women (I show friends his picture or they meet him and say “he’s hot!”) Other guys I date, women who see him are like, oh ok, huh. This is girl code for “I don’t find him attractive but you go for it if you do.”

I have to feel strong attraction to a guy or I’m just not going to want to have sex with him. So I’m not going to go out with one who I’m only barely attracted to because that won’t be fair to him. I will never feel toward him the way I will have to feel in order to be my sexual self.

If I have a date based on pictures where I believe I’m going to be attracted to him but I’m just not when we meet in person, it doesn’t matter how nice or cool he is, I’m not going to have a second date.

Some of the ones who are very attractive to most women end up being too full of themselves to keep my attention. Next.

Some of the same type are confident yet humble or at least are not full of themselves, they get a second date if everything else lines up nicely.

Lots of men at TAM are married to women who are not truly attracted to them, and this causes dead bedrooms all the time. That’s why it’s not fair to date men I’m not strongly attracted to. I’m never going to fake anything or be with a man who I don’t want to ravage every time I see him.

Some men I’ve been in relationships with got hotter and hotter to me the longer we were together and the more awesome sex we had. But they were always hot to me from the get go.

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post #20 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 12:36 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

To answer the OP about Mrs. Conan, it was like getting hit by lightning.
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post #21 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 01:24 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

My first husband was 6'3" and thinnish, built long and lanky like a basketball player. Yeah, he gradually got some dad bod going, but you get the visual. He had short, dark, curly hair and brown eyes, so at the time I thought I liked me who were tall and dark.

Then I met Dear Hubby and his mind just intrigued me. He was witty, smart as a whip, spiritual, and gentle, and that was what attracted me--his mind. Physically, he was 6' tall and built like a barrel. He had red hair that turned white, and blue eyes, so at the time I thought I like big men...BIG men: tall and built like a lumberjack.

When Dear Hubby died, I knew that what I needed in a partner was a man who had the character qualities that matched mine--he did have to be smart, and he had to be gentle (exH was abusive so I don't take yelling very well). When I met EB, he is not tall and he's physically fit--so I thought I like tall and dark and that was not what EB was like at all. I thought I like Big lumberjack men and that was not what EB was like at all. He's 5'8" with red hair that is turning salt&peppa, and beautiful blue eyes. Okay--clearly I have a thing for redheads (as I like that attitude!) but otherwise he was not phyiscally what I THOUGHT I liked.

What I decided to do was to keep an open mind and get to know him...see what happened and what unfolded. As I got to know him, he became more endearing and I found that I liked that we fit together better. I LIKE his level of physical fitness without being a barbell boy--it motivates me. I like who he is as a person and this began to increase the way I was attracted to him.

Now I love the man and he is the smoking hottest thing I've ever known! I can't imagine NOT seeing him as just yummy! So for me, the way a person is and how they act and yeah...how they treat me...that all influences the attraction I have to them.


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post #22 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 01:41 PM
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My better half, told me when she smelled me she knew something. I'm good looking and on the sexually rating we complement each other, confident, she said it's the alpha type for sure. But l guess she she liked when she smelled me it was sealing the deal so to say.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #23 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 01:45 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

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To answer the OP about Mrs. Conan, it was like getting hit by lightning.

Same. I could tell you exactly what she was wearing, how she had her hair, the kind of fingernail polish she had on, everything. Like it was yesterday.

Same thing goes for the first time I saw her naked. Exactly what she looked like, 20 years ago.
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post #24 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 01:47 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

I'm not sure I was hugely attracted to the guy I'm seeing when we first met. I wasn't repulsed, but I don't remember sparks.

But he was cute, and we had a chance to spend some time getting to know each other as we're both cyclists. At the time I was new and not as fast as I am now and he'd always wait for me and we'd chat.

We discovered we had a lot in common beyond athletics....many of our hobbies are the same. He really grew on me and I discovered that we actually did have a lot of chemistry.

Now, a year after we met and 9 months after we started seeing each other I can't wait to get his clothes off. So people can grow on you, but I think if you spend some time together and nothing develops you need to move on.
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post #25 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 02:18 PM
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We’ve texted a guess we can do other activities if the chemistry and compatibility is there. I’m thin and very athletic and he’s short and kind of flabby. I hunk that might factor the attraction part.
Maybe I can train him lol
Noooooo !!! If there are things you want to change already Full stop! Then it becomes a project and if it fails it gets tossed. Why don't you just indulge yourself and see what may becomes. If it doesn't happen it wasn't a fit.


If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #26 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 06:02 PM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

For me its a guys character and personality that can make him more or less attractive.

I can't abide arrogance and sadly many good looking men are arrogant.

If you are a Christian then the first thing you really need is to make sure that any guys you date share your faith. Thats vital.
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post #27 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 08:41 AM
 
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

IMO, you have to have to visceral physical attraction right off the bat. It's the basis for a romantic relationship.


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post #28 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 09:16 AM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

I am with @Faithful Wife on this one.

It isn't solely about physical appearance for me but there HAS to be some semblance of a spark for me to want to date. Currently, that spark is lit with men who are extremely confident (but humble), relaxed (but on top of it), and seductive but in a subtle way. It's very difficult to explain but I know it when I experience it.
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post #29 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 11:52 AM
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Re: Did you find your partner attractive when you first met? Or was it other qualitie

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I am with @Faithful Wife on this one.

It isn't solely about physical appearance for me but there HAS to be some semblance of a spark for me to want to date. Currently, that spark is lit with men who are extremely confident (but humble), relaxed (but on top of it), and seductive but in a subtle way. It's very difficult to explain but I know it when I experience it.
Yes, it’s hard to explain. That was why I mentioned that some guys I’m strongly attracted to don’t even blip on other women’s meter. It’s because it’s not entirely about how they look, it’s the chemistry (spark) we both feel. It just has to be there. It doesn’t matter if the guy is physically super hot to me, if I don’t feel sexual chemistry it won’t matter.

One of my best sexual chemistry partners looked roughly like Steve Martin (at around age 55, to be clear, because Steve has changed a lot over the years). When he would come in to my work to take me to lunch once in awhile, the young girls I work with would be like, wtf? How can she be going out with this old man who (to them) was not attractive? Then they would see him scoop me into his arms and kiss me, and they’d go oooohhhhhhhhh, I get it now. When the chemistry is there it is undeniable, even to others.
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post #30 of 40 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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@Faithful Wife- I totally get that, and I had that plus MORE with the last guy who poofed and didn’t want to make whatever we were doing work. I’m trying to get past that. And to be honest, the church guy is nice and loyal and all the qualities that a woman would love, but I don’t feel that sexual chemistry and not sure I ever will. Yes we can try and go out and see. But I know that feeling cause I just had it. Man does it feel good! He ( the last one) felt it too, but couldn’t commit.

I thought we were going to be friends, but he even ignored my friendly text of school stuff. It’s hard because we could see each other within campuses.

Boggles me why he’s so distant. I could understand if I was a total witch and did something horrible. But I didn’t. Sorry to get off topic, but yes I agree with you.
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