Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 06:25 AM Thread Starter
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Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

So I had an impromptu meeting with the church guy. If you remember from my post- I was really not feeling it, but thought maybe it was me and wanted to give him a chance. We met at a restaurant and he ordered “fries” like I stated- one of the things that turned me off prior, was his aversion to “food”. Not just any particular but all it seems.
He eats a lot of fries, I’ve cream etc.

We didn’t have much to talk about as I did most of the talking. He listened. He nodded and didn’t give much back. I love witty banter, and unfortunately it wasn’t there. Plus, I didn’t feel any pull of attraction to at least want to kiss him.

What it did do was make me think of “teacher” guy that parted ways with me a few weeks ago. We are pretty much no contact as we chatted maybe 2x since then a friendly how’s work- kids etc.

Now we don’t speak. Not sure what I will do with him on social media, but I presume unfriend as it’s unnecessary to keep.
Like many posters said- we were compatible and things were good but if one isn’t ready- then there’s nothing that will change if you both aren’t in the same place.

That’s the hard thing about dating.
But at least I tried it with church guy and realized it wasn’t there.

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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 09:24 AM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

now you can move on with out doubt...good for you
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 10:25 AM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

@Sue4473,

Two things: 1) The point of dating is to get to know people and see if they are a good match for you...and now you know that church guy just isn't. That is neither good nor bad--just a fact. You two don't fit well together. Period. I'm sure he is a fine fellow, kind and caring and courteous and all that...he just isn't FOR YOU.

2) Regarding what you called his aversion to food, I would like to possibly suggest that you take a potential new perspective on that. There are many people in the world, who, for a variety of reasons, have a specific or limited diet (meaning "what they can eat"). Some folks have allergies or can't eat dairy without distress. Some have an illness like Crohn's and have to be gluten free. Some have some medical procedure and just don't digest meats or fats well. BUT they can still be an absolute foodie!! Just maybe not at restaurants.

Restaurants oils to fry their fried foods are often inexpensive, vegetable oils which can be tough on digestion. Restaurants love to serve steaks as a special meal, but steaks are red meat and can be hard to digest. Restaurants often add cheese to everything or bread everything. Now I'm not saying restaurants are "bad" but if someone had Crohn's for example...poof all breaded food is off the plate, as is bread, buns, rolls, cakes, etc.

Alternatively, at home, if someone is a foodie but loves to cook, they might fry foods but use olive oil. They might make a nice thick, lean pork chop with a fancy chutney. They might have dairy-free recipes to make amazing side dishes. They might have recipes for gluten-free dinner rolls and cookies. Thus, their foodie nature is displayed in their love for food that they can create AND EAT without digestive distress. And if someone had a serious allergy, or illness or something, they might want to allow others to feel the joy of going to a restaurant but also know that what they can order without getting sick the next day.

Sooooo...long story short, don't assume people aren't foodies just because they don't like restaurants. Keep your mind open to the possibility there may be a creative chef genius who works around their own dietary needs to eat well and not get sick.


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My definition of infidelity is not "How far can I go before I cross the line?" My definition of infidelity is "giving anything less than 100% of your affection, loyalty, and companionship to your spouse."
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 10:38 AM
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Cool Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

Sue, you gave it your best shot and that's all you can ask for! I admire you for trying, something, primarily out of fear and age, that I rarely ever do!

Mr. Right ain't far away! Just hang in there, girl!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 10:50 AM
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Agreed, now you sampled the dude with expectations and he didn't pass. Ok then if you choose you can be friends but honesty is best when he sees you in person and wants to be more just let him know honestly you are not clicking, and let him get the hint. If he doesn't then do what you must defriend him and such. If he retreats great, if not and is in stalking mode the the church elders and confront through what his life revolves around.

And they can issues the warnings to move on if not then get real and text him the next step is a restraining order. You gave it the shot good for you. I sure he will move on gracefully and it will be behind you, then to seek what will make you happy and joyful.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 11:30 AM Thread Starter
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So guys/ why is the teacher guy ignoring me? When he was so adamant on us being such good friends before anything happened between us.

IN my experience/ I’ve always had a friendship with the men I’ve dated.
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 11:34 AM
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Maybe he of the type that needs a woman to engage, but that type of dude is too cautious and may be like french fry guy. And just want you to do it all, how tiring. Let teacher come to you if not don't dwell just keep moving forward.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 11:42 AM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

Physical attraction should be felt first.
If there's no physical attraction it's a waste of time, every time.


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at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 11:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sue4473 View Post
So guys/ why is the teacher guy ignoring me? When he was so adamant on us being such good friends before anything happened between us.

IN my experience/ I’ve always had a friendship with the men I’ve dated.
Did teacher dude say "I don't want drama" because I've learned that people who say that really need drama to be happy.
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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 12:12 PM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Physical attraction should be felt first.
If there's no physical attraction it's a waste of time, every time.
I always feel unlucky when it comes to such combination. Those guys I have found physically attractive, had no brains. Those who had, were not physically attractive.
Some other physically attractive guys, had no eyes for me, those who weren't that much, would notice me.


it feels like I'll remain single for life! Or I'll date just to pass the time.


sokillme: *People cheat because of their nature, not because of their circumstance.*
Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 12:41 PM Thread Starter
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@Lila- no he never said that. Maybe he’s staying away because it’s only been a month and he’s lying low.
And feels that I’m upset about the parting.
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 01:23 PM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

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I always feel unlucky when it comes to such combination. Those guys I have found physically attractive, had no brains. Those who had, were not physically attractive.
Some other physically attractive guys, had no eyes for me, those who weren't that much, would notice me.


it feels like I'll remain single for life! Or I'll date just to pass the time.
Sounds like a change in your expectations, or a change in your SMV, is called for.
Nature is a marketplace.


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at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 01:39 PM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sue4473 View Post
@Lila- no he never said that. Maybe heís staying away because itís only been a month and heís lying low.
And feels that Iím upset about the parting.
Wait a sec. Is teacher-guy the one who you thought had said OK to exclusivity because he didn't really answer or say anything when you brought it up? And then he sent you the text saying things weren't going to work?
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 01:55 PM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

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Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
Sounds like a change in your expectations, or a change in your SMV, is called for.

Nature is a marketplace.
SMV??

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sokillme: *People cheat because of their nature, not because of their circumstance.*
Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 02:11 PM
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Re: Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut

Sue give on up church guys...they have no personality...date a pagan
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