Signs of Cheating Part Two - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 04:58 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Whatís wrong with you seriously do you not understand that these people are laughing at you dude.? I donít even know what to say this guy I think I actually feel sorry for him. I think he actually just doesnít get it. OP please for the love of Christ stand up and be a man get rid of this poor excuse for a woman just get out. The whole townís has to be laughing at you and you donít even see it. Iím serious OP just get yourself out of that whole situation she doesnít love you dude come on leave because you canít and will not handle your situation and itís making you look really pathetic. OP tell me the truth are you scared of this guy is that whatís going on.? Private message me we need to talk ASAP.!


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post #77 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 06:23 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
When I read this thread I picture you guys in your 20s because it all sounds so immature. Itís high school drama. If she likes Dave then she should be with Dave. If she wants to be with you, then she needs to be with you and start acting like it. She sounds like she doesnít know what she wants so she is keeping her options open.

People do not entertain crushes when they are in a relationship that they value and one they feel happy and lucky to be in. OP you have to understand this point.... there are different types of relationships. One where you feel so lucky to have the other person and you would never jeopardize it. If something bothered your significant other, that action wouldnít be worth it because he is whatís important. Do you understand what Iím saying? Then there are relationships that are convenient, weíve been together for so long, you can take it or leave it so you start to push the boundaries to see how far you can get. To see how much you can get away with. Because you hold the power. And you want to keep options open because there might be a better life or more happiness with someone else, or maybe not... so you donít shut down opportunities.
This is your girlfriend right now. She is Luke warm. She is not all in.
She knows exactly what she wants. She wants to bang the OM but she needs the financial security that the OP provides.

OP from several pages ago:

"My partner may not want to leave because she has bad credit. Losing me would be us selling our house and she would have to go back to renting."

Best thing for the OP is to dump her.
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post #78 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 06:26 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
Dave and his brother were at a club for a concert the other night where my partner was working at (she put on a festival there). Dave was there because his daughter is friends with my partner's daughter and they both liked the band. I found out that my partner told her best friend , "well it was nice to see Dave the other night but I ran to run into the corner when (I) came in the club." Wonder why....
You've got reply after reply to you in this thread, some asking you questions for clarification, others advising you on different aspects of what you should be doing or looking out for, and youignore them all and instead just reappear with some vague nonsensical story about a concert and your wife making some stupid comment about hiding in a corner when you came in because her boyfriend was there. You know the guy I mean - the one she never had sex with.

In either event, I'm having a harder and harder time taking you seriously, so I'm going to back out of this thread and just eat my popcorn on the sidelines..

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #79 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 08:36 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

I don't think you're afraid to confront or dump her.

The 4 of them (plus her mother) are each human train wrecks and use people (including using each other). That's what they do and they will continue to take advantage of you until you kick them out of your life.

Instead, I think you are in denial. You're hoping as long as you don't actually catch them in bed (or see a text admitting to a PA) that she is a safe partner.

Denial is one of the stages of trauma that a human being goes through when they've been betrayed by someone they trusted. Google: PTSD. And then ask yourself how all the symptoms apply to you.

Prepare yourself. Read up on the 180 and plan your exit. Every step you take (no matter how small) towards exiting will feel good because it will give you a sense of control.

There's various degrees/speed of separating from her. The purpose of the 180 is for you too pull away from her (mostly mental although it includes physical too) so you can think clearly and regain your emotional 'independence' from her.

Set up a private session with an attorney to see how you will be impacted when you dump her. If she's on the deed to the house, how do you get her off?
In the US, the first hour is usually free (don't know about Canada).

Consider making an appointment to see your doctor the day after you dump her. Get tested for STDs. You can also get a 1 week supply of ambien to help with sleeping.

Get your bank and investment accounts in your name alone.
Get the title to your car/truck in your name alone.
Stop subsidizing her (the stuff you mentioned in an earlier post).

Read a self help book on co-dependency (IC if you can afford it).
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post #80 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
You've got reply after reply to you in this thread, some asking you questions for clarification, others advising you on different aspects of what you should be doing or looking out for, and youignore them all and instead just reappear with some vague nonsensical story about a concert and your wife making some stupid comment about hiding in a corner when you came in because her boyfriend was there. You know the guy I mean - the one she never had sex with.

In either event, I'm having a harder and harder time taking you seriously, so I'm going to back out of this thread and just eat my popcorn on the sidelines..
Maybe I am just trying to get official confirmation that they actually slept together or something more is still going on. After 6 years, I am trying to hard to believe she just isn't that type of person.
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post #81 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 09:59 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Wxman, do not see this as another defeat in relationships you have had in your life, but rather see this as what you have learned from your relationships and know what is not going to be accepted by you. As most humans do we take the responsibility of others too far. But this is your chance to show yourself you are worth so much more. Do not for a second think this defines you because it doesn't. So don't let it.

We know it a bitter pill to swallow, but trying to get blood from a stone, will never happen. And chalk it up to love for yourself. And refuse to let others take advantage of you no longer. But surrond yourself with positive people with and who respect you and values. And they are not that hard to find because they show the real selves pretty quickly.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #82 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:15 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
I attended but after the event started. She told her friend, Stacy, "It was nice to see Dave...I had to run in a corner when (I) arrived).

Stacy and Dave's brother were there because their kids were at this concerns. All of their kids are friends with each other.
So, she was hanging out talking with Dave UNTIL you arrived, then she ran off to make it seem like she WASN'T talking with him all night until you showed up.
Is that clear enough? The fact that she is finding ways AROUND you so that she can hang out/talk with Dave (who she is crazy about) is all you should need to know.
YES she is cheating. At the very least it is an EA. Does it have to be physical for you to walk away? Isn't her disrespect and her manipulation and lying enough?
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post #83 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 10:45 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
Maybe I am just trying to get official confirmation that they actually slept together or something more is still going on. After 6 years, I am trying to hard to believe she just isn't that type of person.
What the hell difference does it really make? She is making it clear that SHE WANTS HIM. Why are you clinging onto a woman who wants another man??

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #84 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by Tilted 1 View Post
Wxman, do not see this as another defeat in relationships you have had in your life, but rather see this as what you have learned from your relationships and know what is not going to be accepted by you. As most humans do we take the responsibility of others too far. But this is your chance to show yourself you are worth so much more. Do not for a second think this defines you because it doesn't. So don't let it.

We know it a bitter pill to swallow, but trying to get blood from a stone, will never happen. And chalk it up to love for yourself. And refuse to let others take advantage of you no longer. But surrond yourself with positive people with and who respect you and values. And they are not that hard to find because they show the real selves pretty quickly.
Thank for you the kind words.
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post #85 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 01:16 PM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
Maybe I am just trying to get official confirmation that they actually slept together or something more is still going on. After 6 years, I am trying to hard to believe she just isn't that type of person.
If I had a dollar every time I heard that...


ďThe time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.Ē


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post #86 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 06:54 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

OP..... you are sticking your head in the sand, hoping this will all go away. It won't.

You are listening to what she says and not watching what she does....fatal mistake.

Tell her you need a bit of time and space to figure things out.... and watch what she does. She will run to

the OM. Then there is your answer.

Solid relationships survive tribulation, adversity, trails by fire..... yours will not or never will.

As my pop used to say, "The writing is on the wall."

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #87 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 08:58 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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After 6 years, I am trying to hard to believe she just isn't that type of person.
Yeah well, that and $2 bucks will get you a jelly donut.

You've got 6 pages of experienced people TELLING you what to look for and what kind of things you need to do in order to move forward and instead, you just keep adjusting those blinders and burying your head even further into the sand because it feels so nice and warm around your ears, I guess.

I'll come back to this thread in a few months when you reappear out of nowhere to 'update' us and tell us all how you caught her yet again and that everyone was right but you wouldn't listen to us and you wish you had because it would have saved you months of heartache but you were in denial, etc. etc. etc.....

We get those types of posts all the time.

Good luck to you OP.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #88 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 09:42 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Anyone who is on this board whose significant other had an EA, PA or inappropriate conversations knows some of what you are feeling. Most believed “my SO isn’t that type of person.”

What you have to realize is, you may have been right 7 or 8 years ago. People change, sometimes in a dramatic fashion, in six years.

There was a point where I was not allowed a key to my parents house, could only be there when they were home and had to leave the house when they went to work. Six years later I was stable, had my own family, had a good job and was running my own martial arts studio. I have a key to their houses, cars and am executor of their estate.

Nope, not drugs, just stupid decisions and life.

You have to take her off the pedestal. Honestly, no one should be up on one because we are all flawed.
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post #89 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 04:04 PM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

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Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
Maybe I am just trying to get official confirmation that they actually slept together or something more is still going on. After 6 years, I am trying to hard to believe she just isn't that type of person.
How about you just go do what she does.

If youíre going to have an open marriage, you might as well get some side action yourself.
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post #90 of 247 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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Just to clarify, we are not married. Dating for 6 years living together for 4. I am divorced once and wasn’t really set on marriage. Given this situation and issues in the past (her addict family members living off of us) I don’t see marriage with her.
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