Signs of Cheating Part Two - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 06:42 AM Thread Starter
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Signs of Cheating Part Two

Ok folks, I am getting prepared to be yelled at. This is a follow up to this post from several weeks back:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-cheating.html

So things cooled down but since we haven't been intimate in weeks, I still had a suspicion something was up. I did something that I know was wrong - I went through her phone and found several texts that jumped out. They all occurred around June 10 - at a time where our relationship was seemingly in a better state than it is now (and only a month after I went back to my hometown to spread my mom's ashes after her passing in the Spring). I attached two of the texts. The name has been erased. Basically the guy I had concerns about before came up in the texts. My partner's texts are on the right side of the screen. Seems like my partner did something inappropriate; maybe not hook up with him but mentioned something along the lines of having feelings for him? I found another text (not attached) to someone else around the same time saying something along the lines "doing something stupid".

Note this was before the incidents which I discussed in the above post. So the question is: Is is clear now something happened? Did they go all the way? We are in counseling now but I feel I should bring this up and make her confess but telling her I went through her phone wont go well.

I am an idiot, I know.

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post #2 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:25 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Will you stop being so ****ing weak and actually do something.
She is/was cheating and you know it but you’re looking for technicalities to excuse her behavior.
Ask yourself this. Am I prepared to share my girlfriend?
The answer is yes or no.

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.
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post #3 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wxman3441 View Post
Ok folks, I am getting prepared to be yelled at. This is a follow up to this post from several weeks back:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-cheating.html

So things cooled down but since we haven't been intimate in weeks, I still had a suspicion something was up. I did something that I know was wrong - I went through her phone and found several texts that jumped out. They all occurred around June 10 - at a time where our relationship was seemingly in a better state than it is now (and only a month after I went back to my hometown to spread my mom's ashes after her passing in the Spring). I attached two of the texts. The name has been erased. Basically the guy I had concerns about before came up in the texts. My partner's texts are on the right side of the screen. Seems like my partner did something inappropriate; maybe not hook up with him but mentioned something along the lines of having feelings for him? I found another text (not attached) to someone else around the same time saying something along the lines "doing something stupid".

Note this was before the incidents which I discussed in the above post. So the question is: Is is clear now something happened? Did they go all the way? We are in counseling now but I feel I should bring this up and make her confess but telling her I went through her phone wont go well.

I am an idiot, I know.
For God's sake, grow a pair and do what needs to be done! You can live your life being her obedient lap dog or you can be a man. You know what she has done and you know what you have to do, so do it. Trust me, you will feel so much better about yourself
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post #4 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:35 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

You must enjoy the drama because it doesn't seem like you've done much of anything. Or maybe you're just a closet cuckold. I have no idea.

Whenever you think about taking a cheater back remember that
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you're dealing with.
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post #5 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:40 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

She has feelings for another guy, confront her and kick her to the kerb

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #6 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 09:14 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

How can you read those texts and not demand answers? I do not understand how it is possible. Are you that afraid of upsetting the cart that you cannot act?

She is clearly pointing that something happened, saying she has feelings, and depending on how you read it, this is something that happens often or at least before. She talks about her feelings passing 'and they always do'. Feelings for this same guy all the time? Multiple guys?

I am not saying she is cheating all over the place, but there is something behind that statement that also demands answers. If you have had a bad feeling about this guy before now, then it is most likely something that has been going on with him for a while, blowing hot and cold over the years. It also, unfortunately, makes it highly likely that she has slept with him before, and will again when feelings come back.
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post #7 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 09:27 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

for the first time I’m going to ask someone to please close a thread.

Crikey I’m getting dizzy from circling this same drain over and over and over and over and over.
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post #8 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 10:42 AM
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Cool Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Respect yourself and throw her a$$ out!

Yes, she has cheated and is obviously still cheating!

End this charade of a relationship!!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
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post #9 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 10:54 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Tell her you know about OM. Don't say anything more. Let her do the talking and explaining.

At minimum, something happened between them. Maybe he even rejected her after she made a move on him. Maybe they hooked up but she didn't want to leave you for him. It's too vague to figure out what happened other than something did happen.
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post #10 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 10:59 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Best course of action; prepare yourself emotionally and financially for best and worst outcomes.

Right now you may think the choice of what may happen, but that can be ripped from your hands in an instant.

The choice of what's going to happen - she may take that out of your hands completely.

Start protecting yourself.

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post #11 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 11:08 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Proof is in the pudding. Or text message as it were. Pack her things. She can go sort her feelings about OM at OM house. Good riddance.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #12 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 11:47 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Text her this message. "What is going on between you and om. If you lie once we are finished. I know more than you think". Then ignore her for a few hours.
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post #13 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 12:32 PM
 
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

I think you're officially on to the next stage in all of this drama. Time to move on, my friend. It's tough... but you have to.

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post #14 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 02:30 PM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

There’s a reason you’re not actually doing anything but keep looking for advice.

What is that reason?
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post #15 of 102 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 08:20 AM
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Re: Signs of Cheating Part Two

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
There’s a reason you’re not actually doing anything but keep looking for advice.

What is that reason?
So he can stall on actually DOING something that would require testicular fortitude.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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