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post #46 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 12:53 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Originally Posted by davepaul View Post
We don't know if his fiance knows. I would definitely not feel comfortable about her not knowing if we rent to them. I've thought about having my wife ask him if his fiance knows. If she does know and she's totally fine it then it would help put my mind at ease that there wouldn't be any drama on her part.
**** that take them out to dinner and casually tell her on the side in matter of fact way. "Isn't great that we can all eat together even though those two banged." Hell show them both the house and bring it up while you are doing it. If you do I suspect the fact that his fiance didn't know will solve your problem.

You guys are always too nice about this stuff, sure your wife might be pissed but she will get over it. I would be like "**** that guy your my wife. Better I am protect my investment than I don't care about it. You are mine until you say otherwise." She probably will secretly like that.

Don't be nice.


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post #47 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 12:58 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

This speaks volumes if what's most important money, over ones self-esteem. I guess if you want to walk in the shadows of another mans transformations to entice your wife.

And are ok with that???? Then rent it to him, life's about chances and so will be your next new renter. Do you due diligence on screening your next new tenant. You know how to do that. Move on start your new history with your wife without a old lover on the side. I know I couldn't do that, and everytime he meets me shakes my hand and smiles. Err no! Not something I would do.

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post #48 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 02:07 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.



My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.



So he let us know several months ago that he was thinking about moving out and was looking for something bigger. He got engaged and him and his fiance were looking to get a place together. It's always frustrating to lose a good renter, but I also felt some relief that someone my wife had slept with will be out of the picture. He's a good guy but I just always felt awkward being around that apartment building and wondering what other renters know about him and my wife.



So we have been fixing up a house that is an adjacent property to these apartments and getting it ready to rent. This guy asked my wife about it and he is really interested in taking the place. We've had others interested in it as well. So here's the dilemma. Every time someone new moves in, it is always a gamble. You never truly know what kind of renter you will be getting. Here is a guy who we know is a great renter, will pay, take care of the place, and not be a problem. In any other situation it is a total no-brainer to rent to him. But I just can't get over my jealousy and awkward feelings that someone who rents off of us had sex with my wife. She understands my thoughts but from a business perspective she really wants to rent to him. And I know that we should and I'm certainly leaning towards that. I'm just having some trouble talking myself into it.



I'm just curious what others would do in this situation. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.
In this case I think you are over thinking it, and letting your feelings run wild. It would be a lot different if she had had an affair with him while you were together. But since he's only an ex, and a bloody good renter, go for it. Let him rent.

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post #49 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 03:15 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

NO!
post #50 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 06:07 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

You married your wife knowing what she had done so clearly it wasn't that much of an issue that she had had sex with a client so not sure why its an issue for you not to rent to him unless you don't trust her. Personally I wouldn't have married someone who acted that way in the first place as it wasn't at all professional or wise.

Its not as if she would ever need to see him is it?

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post #51 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by davepaul View Post
Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.

So he let us know several months ago that he was thinking about moving out and was looking for something bigger. He got engaged and him and his fiance were looking to get a place together. It's always frustrating to lose a good renter, but I also felt some relief that someone my wife had slept with will be out of the picture. He's a good guy but I just always felt awkward being around that apartment building and wondering what other renters know about him and my wife.

So we have been fixing up a house that is an adjacent property to these apartments and getting it ready to rent. This guy asked my wife about it and he is really interested in taking the place. We've had others interested in it as well. So here's the dilemma. Every time someone new moves in, it is always a gamble. You never truly know what kind of renter you will be getting. Here is a guy who we know is a great renter, will pay, take care of the place, and not be a problem. In any other situation it is a total no-brainer to rent to him. But I just can't get over my jealousy and awkward feelings that someone who rents off of us had sex with my wife. She understands my thoughts but from a business perspective she really wants to rent to him. And I know that we should and I'm certainly leaning towards that. I'm just having some trouble talking myself into it.

I'm just curious what others would do in this situation. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.
Waaaat???

I would NEVER rent anything to anyone who slept with my husband before we started dating.

Oh, man, I would never even talk to them if they crossed the street, and if anyone introduced us I would even stop talking to that person too. Hahaha, just no, I live in a make believe land where my husband only dated me and that suits me fine, otherwise I would feel pretty jealous.
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post #52 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 08:22 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Well ... different perspective here.

The dude is looking for a place for he and his fiancee.

The sexual relationship is in the rearview mirror ... for both parties.

If you have an issue with it, so be it. Do as you see fit.

Me and how I operate? I'd have no problem with this.
FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!

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post #53 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 08:37 AM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!
There's a pretty firm rule in business. Do not, ever, have sex with a client or a customer.

Why? Because the client, as a current or former lover, might expect preferential treatment, or there might exist the potential for embarrassments for future interactions with current spouses on both sides.


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post #54 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 12:14 PM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!
I'm not coming from a position of retroactive jealousy or insecurity.

You have to be dumber than a bag of hammers to have sex with clients, tenants, customers, etc....

She screwed this one up.

I would have less trepidation over this situation if the renter was just a past lover and hadn't been bedded while his wife was the dude's landlord.

There might still be reasons to keep him away, personal call by OP, but at least no real lines would have been crossed.
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post #55 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 12:25 PM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!
Bark... Bark... Lol couldn't resist.


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post #56 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 02:15 PM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!
Maybe I'm a domesticated dog? Still have my feral instincts, but...


@davepaul

On the one hand we have the ability to keep a spectacular renter who would treat the house you've purchased and fixed up very well while paying rent on time and in full.

On the other hand we have some discomfort and vague concern due to the renter and your wife's previous sexual relationship.

It's true they had a sexual relationship in the past, however it was a casual thing that ended before you started dating several years ago. Not all people make such a big deal of sex. Some are completely capable of being FWB without getting attached. Your wife seems to be one of those people. And, frankly, she ended the relationship according to one of your posts. If she'd wanted him it sounds like she could have had him. She chose to walk away several years ago instead. Also, attraction isn't necessarily forever. There were men I was involved with years ago that I was very attracted to when we were FWB's in the past, but who I have run into in recent years and feel no particular attraction toward. I've changed, they've changed, whatever spark was there just fizzled into nothing in the intervening years .

Yes, they've broken the touch barrier. But it was many years ago and they've shown no signs of still carrying torches for each other. It sounds like their interactions have been nothing but professional since. I'd still consider renting to him and his fiancee. And I'm a territorial and possessive person, but my in-laws have been landlords and my parents were renters for decades. I know how hard it is to find a good renter. I think the deciding factor would be how much interaction does she have with her tenants in general and him in particular? When my parents were renters we only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem or if they were the kind that picked up the rent check and when doing the beginning and ending walk-throughs. When I was renting I only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem (rare) and for the walk-throughs because picking up the rent checks had long since fallen out of favor in this area and landlords just wanted them mailed or done via EFT.

If there's very little to no interaction between them or if you could handle most/all contact with him I'd say, considering the circumstances in their entirety, the risk of them getting involved again is negligible.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #57 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 08:13 PM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Originally Posted by davepaul View Post
Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.

So he let us know several months ago that he was thinking about moving out and was looking for something bigger. He got engaged and him and his fiance were looking to get a place together. It's always frustrating to lose a good renter, but I also felt some relief that someone my wife had slept with will be out of the picture. He's a good guy but I just always felt awkward being around that apartment building and wondering what other renters know about him and my wife.

So we have been fixing up a house that is an adjacent property to these apartments and getting it ready to rent. This guy asked my wife about it and he is really interested in taking the place. We've had others interested in it as well. So here's the dilemma. Every time someone new moves in, it is always a gamble. You never truly know what kind of renter you will be getting. Here is a guy who we know is a great renter, will pay, take care of the place, and not be a problem. In any other situation it is a total no-brainer to rent to him. But I just can't get over my jealousy and awkward feelings that someone who rents off of us had sex with my wife. She understands my thoughts but from a business perspective she really wants to rent to him. And I know that we should and I'm certainly leaning towards that. I'm just having some trouble talking myself into it.

I'm just curious what others would do in this situation. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Not just no but Hell no! Seriously dude, you are just asking for trouble with this one. They have a past of shared physical intimacy. Emotions can do funny things at the most inopportune moments and lead to poor judgment. Then you'll be here with another problem on your hands. It's just better to navigate away from the situation and prevent it from happening.
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post #58 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 09:13 PM
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Not just no but Hell no! Seriously dude, you are just asking for trouble with this one. They have a past of shared physical intimacy. Emotions can do funny things at the most inopportune moments and lead to poor judgment. Then you'll be here with another problem on your hands. It's just better to navigate away from the situation and prevent it from happening.
Seriously this^!

Why even bother with renting to him if it makes you the least bit uncomfortable? It obviously does because you came on an anonymous forum to ask about it. Not renting to him is no big deal. He'll find another house and you will find another renter. Just do yourself a favor and nix it or it will eat at you for as long as he rents and that will affect your relationship with your wife whether you intend it to or not. If you do rent to him and realize it was a mistake then you will have to throw him out, think about how that would go. Just save yourself the grief and don't do it.

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post #59 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 09:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Maybe I'm a domesticated dog? Still have my feral instincts, but...


@davepaul

On the one hand we have the ability to keep a spectacular renter who would treat the house you've purchased and fixed up very well while paying rent on time and in full.

On the other hand we have some discomfort and vague concern due to the renter and your wife's previous sexual relationship.

It's true they had a sexual relationship in the past, however it was a casual thing that ended before you started dating several years ago. Not all people make such a big deal of sex. Some are completely capable of being FWB without getting attached. Your wife seems to be one of those people. And, frankly, she ended the relationship according to one of your posts. If she'd wanted him it sounds like she could have had him. She chose to walk away several years ago instead. Also, attraction isn't necessarily forever. There were men I was involved with years ago that I was very attracted to when we were FWB's in the past, but who I have run into in recent years and feel no particular attraction toward. I've changed, they've changed, whatever spark was there just fizzled into nothing in the intervening years .

Yes, they've broken the touch barrier. But it was many years ago and they've shown no signs of still carrying torches for each other. It sounds like their interactions have been nothing but professional since. I'd still consider renting to him and his fiancee. And I'm a territorial and possessive person, but my in-laws have been landlords and my parents were renters for decades. I know how hard it is to find a good renter. I think the deciding factor would be how much interaction does she have with her tenants in general and him in particular? When my parents were renters we only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem or if they were the kind that picked up the rent check and when doing the beginning and ending walk-throughs. When I was renting I only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem (rare) and for the walk-throughs because picking up the rent checks had long since fallen out of favor in this area and landlords just wanted them mailed or done via EFT.

If there's very little to no interaction between them or if you could handle most/all contact with him I'd say, considering the circumstances in their entirety, the risk of them getting involved again is negligible.

Thank you for your reply. My wife and I don't see him much at all. When we do see him it's mainly if we are in the building and he happens to be going in or out. I actually consider myself a rather territorial and possessive person as well. I certainly wasn't crazy about her having a renter she slept with but at the time there was nothing we could do about it. We couldn't evict a perfectly good tenant just because he had consensual sex with my wife before we were together. He's been there so long that I've gotten somewhat used to it and don't mind it as much as I did initially.

You are right about my wife. She is the type who could have casual sex without getting emotionally attached and she had quite a few FWB situations, which is fine. I'm the opposite and sex has always been a really big deal to me. Maybe that's why the situation bothered me so much initially. I know she didn't feel anything for him and it she was just having some fun with him. I don't have any worries whatsoever about anything happening between my wife and him. It's more of a discomfort thing.
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post #60 of 65 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 09:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?

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Waaaat???

I would NEVER rent anything to anyone who slept with my husband before we started dating.

Oh, man, I would never even talk to them if they crossed the street, and if anyone introduced us I would even stop talking to that person too. Hahaha, just no, I live in a make believe land where my husband only dated me and that suits me fine, otherwise I would feel pretty jealous.

Hahaha! I know where you're coming from. I would also stop talking to someone that introduced me to an ex of my wife's. I generally like living in that make believe land where my wife only dated me. I usually avoid seeing or talking to anyone my wife dated at all costs. But in this situation she/we had this perfectly good renter who she happened to have slept with and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
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