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Biggest emotional fear? And your partners?

1K views 13 replies 11 participants last post by  Diana7 
#1 · (Edited)
I was thinking the other day about how emotions affect behavior, and thought about why my biggest emotional fear is.

For me, it's fear of rejection. I can look at a lot of things and see how this manifests itself in my life. In marriage, it can sometimes be paralyzing, and take away from leadership.

For my wife, well, I asked her. Actually, I first asked her what she thought mine was, and she couldn't figure it out. But for her, it's about not being in control and having to do what someone else tells her. OMG how quickly we forget! That's what *I* thought her biggest emotional fear was. Turns out it's being alone. Abandonment. Which explain why, when she finally realized that I could end up leaving, she took things seriously and went along with counseling etc.

It's interesting that the MC hasn't gone down this road at all. The 5 Love Languages doesn't hit on this area. I might bring it up at our next meeting, and see where it goes.
 
#2 ·
Fear of being someone who is present, someone 'there' but not really seen or heard.

At best, someone seen, but not truly respected.

Mired in someone's else's shadow, not having your own to proudly drape behind, and proudly display.

When this happens, I go out in the desert on a horse with no name!
You know, where there "Ain't no one to give you no shame".
Ta dump!


The Typist I-
 
#3 ·
I think mine is the inability of people around me to express themselves honestly.

On this site, folks are slammed for covert behaviors like adultery, but the day to day overt behaviors seem to be ignored by society in general - or worse, seem to be accepted as normal.

What brought this to mind for me was a facebook post this morning on a photography group where the photographer was asking others how to handle people who take their professional proofs, that haven't yet been paid for, and post them on social media.

I assisted a photographer a few years ago, who had it written in the contract that smart phones were not to be used during professional photo sessions, and yet, consistently, people did this.

Another example is that when my two younger daughters were in private school, I was on the school board. One of our last meetings was devoted to parents who had outstanding bills. These were people we knew; people we went to church with; people we saw on a regular basis. And we're talking thousands of dollar that had gone unpaid for years.

In the end, the board decided to forgive the debt. So, basically, all these families quietly got away with stealing.

It's puzzling to me how some actions are met with such outrage, while others are completely dismissed.
 
#6 · (Edited)
Fear of rejection for me too, CO...and fear of being a disappointment, like I think I already am, deep down.

My fear of rejection is also paralyzing, that's a perfect word for it -- it keeps me frozen in place when I need/want to ask for something, and I end up being more willing to give up what I want, instead of having to be vulnerable.
On the one hand, I hate being like that, because it's so weak and inauthentic, but on the other hand, I like the safety behind my little (1000ft!) wall!!

Maybe I need to start my own topic about this.... :)
 
#9 ·
Interesting that you and I have dealt with fear of rejection in totally different ways. I've tried to not build walls, a fortress steep and mighty, that none may penetrate... I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain, it's laughter and it's nothing I disdain, I am a rock, I am an island!!! Sorry, got carried away by an old Simon & Garfunkel song that USED to be me back in the day (jr high & high school) before I decided to open up.
 
#8 ·
It's interesting that the MC hasn't gone down this road at all. The 5 Love Languages doesn't hit on this area. I might bring it up at our next meeting, and see where it goes.
Enneagram goes into this quite well. Well enough that people I know who took the test and got the daily email (meant for introspection), were too close to home and made them uncomfortable. So much so that they unsubscribed.

My type: 1. Base fear: being corrupt or damaged.

Wife’s type: 2. Base fear: being unwanted and unlovable.

Spot on in many ways. There are even charts that show different behaviors and how we act them out based on how emotionally healthy we are.
 
#13 · (Edited)
My biggest fear is being blindsided (again) whether in love, finances, unfulfilled promises, etc. I would like to know that what I agreed to is what is really going to happen, barring extenuous circumstances that we both know about and cannot control.

His biggest fear is ....I don't know. He doesn't open up to me about emotional things.
 
#14 ·
I think that my biggest fear used to be of loss. I have lost so much in my life in awful ways, people I loved, houses, money, my first marriage, etc etc .Now though, I seem to have more or less lost that fear and I think that is largely due to my faith and being able to trust God. I honestly don't think my husband fears anything. He is so laid back and easy going and takes everything in his stride.
 
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