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post #31 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by NeverGoingBack View Post
Especially this time of year where it’s the best to cuddle up with your woman on the couch, watch movies. .
See there ..... all that cuddle stuff ....loves kids.......... your gonna be back in the women quicker than you think

Mission ...... stick to the mission.

If you take charge and lead the mission you will feel better ....


CHOP CHOP ....... get moving
I’m sticking to the mission my friend and most def stepping into the drivers seat. Right now finding a woman isn’t really on my mind. I’m terrible at hiding my feelings and don’t want to look pathetic in front of the first woman I meet. My self esteem is already at an all time low because of what my “wife” has done to me. I’ve never had a problem finding someone in the past but that was back when I was just turning an adult and easy for most men. I’ve been in a serious ltr with my sons mom and stbxw since then so I hope I still got it. Between work, kids, and lacking social life I don’t see it possible to find someone to do that cuddling with for quite some time. I have a few close friends that
I’ve had for prob close to 20yrs but one moved 4hrs away, the other just started a family of their own and busy with new baby and work. It’s a scary thought to think I may be alone for years and years. I still know my worth and what I have to offer to a woman and how much happiness we can bring one another. It’s finding the time/place to run into her. I used to toy around with young women’s hearts back in my younger days so maybe karma has come to pay my a visit.

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post #32 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:15 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

Years and years? No this is not possible with your good nature and all. If you continue to think this way, it's no wonder why the MM are taking it's toll. If you think short term, you will be able to accept it better. Again don't let her memory define you! You are much greater than this.

If you have some faith and believe in that use this to help you. Read the Bible and you will see all the others through out time have suffered, and with their faith we're able to move on knowing that tomorrow may bring you the happiness you seek and your dependency is only to the one above. And trust the promises of peace knowing we will be tested in things we value on this earth. But should focus on complete happiness one day in the companionship with the holy one.

I have faith in God, and it has helped me keep it together. And in my time in the Marines, l know there is a God, because l should not be here. Let a new view of life show you the way.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #33 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Hope to get the thoughts out of your head⛅️Q q q

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With my wife our love making was out of this world amazing, everytime! Since we have seperated she has a new guy that she has slept with. I can't get the thoughts out of my head of her giving him all she gave me. No matter how hard I try the thoughts come back. I try my hardest to block them out and they just come up randomly. It is the most miserable feeling knows wing my wife could so easily go **** another guy and leave me in the dust like I was nothing to her. What have others who have experienced this situation done to get these thoughts away. I stay busy at work and they randomly pop up.
This isn't the first time she's had sex with other men and you've had to deal with it.

Just do whatever it is you did the other times.

Where is your ANGER? Find that and you'll be surprised at how much you don't care about this latest f*ck puppet of hers. She is SUCH a nasty piece of work.
No, you’re right it isn’t the first time she has and I think that, along with the fact she repeated her actions again only this time as my wife that makes it worse. The fact she promised to be the perfect wife and spend the rest of her life showing my how sorry she was for making that “mistake” years ago. It took me years to even begin building my trust back in her. I was open and honest about it, and not in a rude way. I would just let her know when I was struggling to get over certain things. I was still never able to fully give her all my love as I had before she cheated previously. It was impossible for me. Now that I think of it, it was more than likely me just protecting my heart in case of something happening again.

My anger is right here with me, more than sadness or any other emotion for that matter. Angry at myself for trusting and believing all her lies. Angry that she knew how bad I was crushed from her past cheating, and how many times she promised to never put me through that again and how she was going to be perfect. Just when I started to get my trust back and begin to think it may have just been an isolated incident and BOOM this happens!

Would it have been so hard for her to just be honest and say that she wanted to go through with the divorce and start seeing other people? I would have respected her decision and the fact she was open and upfront about it. Instead I get the bs excuses “I swear I wasn’t looking for someone else” and blames me for the outcome just as cheaters do. So trust me the anger is in me raging! Even with all that anger thoughts play out that I can’t control. I can control and am getting better at stopping them when they start. Idk, I’m more angry at myself for taking her cheating, lying ass back and thinking it wouldn’t happen again.
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post #34 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:18 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

As l said already about needing some anger, but l didn't say to have it at yourself. Have it only against her bro, you have to stop blaming yourself. Be disgusted with her and her crappy ways and HER broken promises. But not your self.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #35 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:33 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

I agree with Tilted, do not aim any of that anger toward yourself, you didnt earn it, SHE did.

As far as the thoughts and the mind movies, I have been there. You have to remember that YOU are the only one in control of your own brain, and what festers there is only what you allow to. After my last husband divorced me to remarry his ex wife, the two of them were in my mind CONSTANTLY. I was even dreaming about them when I would go to sleep, which was weird for me because my mind doesnt usually work that way. I finally came to the realization that they were going on their merry way living their lives while I tormented MYSELF with them in my brain. I had to make a conscious effort to kick them out whenever they would wander in. I would tell myself STOP! often out loud (when I was alone lol) and force my focus onto something else. Eventually it worked but I really had to work at it for a while. YOU are the one in control of this, so force her OUT. She... like my two.. does not deserve the real estate in your mind that you keep giving her, so make her leave.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #36 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:59 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

I want to say, I'm not in the "She's A Skanky Cheater Who Doesn't Deserve You" Camp, for a few reasons. I'm not trying to challenge anyone who disagrees with me, just offering a different (limited) interpretation...

Based on some of the things you've said, I get the feeling that there was alot more going on with YOU than you are letting on. I think you may have had a bigger hand in why you are alone now than you've wanted to share, and that's FINE - I don't blame you if that's the case.
Also I could be wrong about what I'm feeling about your situation. But I'm not sensing that you are a total victim.

I think before you get the opportunity to have a new relationship, you might need to examine your role in the demise of your love and marriage, so that you don't repeat it. You might be a really totally awesome guy to be with...but if none of that actually gets OUT into your relationship with another person, it's like it doesn't exist. Your attitude sets the tone for whatever relationship you are in, so make sure you work on that so things will go better in your next relationship.
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post #37 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 11:12 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

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I want to say, I'm not in the "She's A Skanky Cheater Who Doesn't Deserve You" Camp, for a few reasons. .

Oh Lisa ..... You know your hot for underage felons .... just admit it

No one is judging ..... don't worry
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post #38 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 11:30 AM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

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Oh Lisa ..... You know your hot for underage felons .... just admit it

No one is judging ..... don't worry
There is only ONE WAY to respond to your post....but since there is no giant "raspberries" emoji, this will have to do....

:-P
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post #39 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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I want to say, I'm not in the "She's A Skanky Cheater Who Doesn't Deserve You" Camp, for a few reasons. I'm not trying to challenge anyone who disagrees with me, just offering a different (limited) interpretation...

Based on some of the things you've said, I get the feeling that there was alot more going on with YOU than you are letting on. I think you may have had a bigger hand in why you are alone now than you've wanted to share, and that's FINE - I don't blame you if that's the case.
Also I could be wrong about what I'm feeling about your situation. But I'm not sensing that you are a total victim.

I think before you get the opportunity to have a new relationship, you might need to examine your role in the demise of your love and marriage, so that you don't repeat it. You might be a really totally awesome guy to be with...but if none of that actually gets OUT into your relationship with another person, it's like it doesn't exist. Your attitude sets the tone for whatever relationship you are in, so make sure you work on that so things will go better in your next relationship.

I don’t mind sharing anything about my role or hers. I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m here for feedback, solutions and answers so I don’t want to give the impression I’m hiding anything. I don’t know if it was in this post or one of my others on here by I’ve absolutely owned up to my wrong doings in our relationship not only on here but to her before she decided to get a bf while married to me.

Her only issue with me and I the thing I agree with and own up to was not showing her enough affection. Some of the time it was my fault. Work, kids that always demanded attention and just life would get in the way and keep me busy and side track me. Other times the affection wouldn’t be shown because of how nasty her attitude would be. She would get stressed out by the kids and take it out on me or whatever was bothering her she would take out on me. The problem is she would never see this. When I would let her know she was being that way she would deny it and say that it was just her personality and I must just not like her personality. That wasn’t her personality though. So when she would be in those moods(which sometimes were often) I wouldn’t be affectionate. I would even let her know that it was hard to want to come lay with her or show any type of affection to someone who was in such a bad mood.

She also suffered from really bad anxiety and as I’ve stated before ptsd from childhood trauma. I have great ins and tried repeatedly to get her to find a Dr. She would always say she would but wouldn’t. Towards the end of our relationship all she would want to do is sleep or sit around and watch tv. All of the adult responsibilities would fall into my hands. Any appts for kids, cleaning, playing with our younger daughter, etc. It honestly started to feel like I had a teenage daughter with the way she would act sometimes. I did everything I could as a husband and a best friend to make her a better person. She has even admitted in the past that she felt like she wasn’t worthy of a good loving relationship and felt the need to self sabotage it. I had repeatedly let her know everything that happened to her as a child was not her fault and that she was worthy of love and that I loved her so much and would always protect her and she knew that. She still knows that. Anything you feel I’m holding back though please feel free to ask. I don’t want it to sound like I’m keeping things hidden. Either way whether you believe that or not, it doesn’t make adultery ok. She could have said that we were done, that she or I needed to file for divorce because she wanted out of the marriage and was going to start seeing other ppl. Instead she secretly started talking to this younger guy while making everything seem normal. While she was gone from home we still talked and acted as a married couple. It wasn’t until she locked it in with him that she decided she was done.
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post #40 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 01:51 PM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

Well, I didn't mean anything I said to criticize you, I want you to know that. And I definitely didn't mean that your wife doesn't have major faults (no matter what MrM thinks I meant :-P). But go back and read your first post in the "Got What I Asked For" thread -- your FIRST post...I sense from some of the things you hinted at that you probably weren't as caring to your wife as she needed.

And then at least twice you said this was karma for how carelessly you treated women before her...I was thinking of that too, when I said you needed to look at what YOUR part in all this was, so you don't repeat it. Because it's possible that not many women would have stayed with you the way you described your relationship before you married. Maybe they wouldn't have found another guy, but they might still have left you for good and not wanted you back.

And you said it hurt that she broke her promises to you, but in your first post on that other thread, it sounded like you might have broken some promises that you made her as well.

All I wanted to do was make you think about what happened from a different perspective, and take steps to be a better partner next time - NOT that you deserved anything or are fully at fault!

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post #41 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 02:07 PM
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You know ...... there are a lot of people in this world with problems. Like yeah...a bunch. In many cases it is not that persons fault. Some people are raised in a life of circumstances that led to things beyond their control. It doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person per se’ but it sure in the HELL can make them a terrible partner or a life long project that is unfixable.

What I’m getting at is: Project women are trouble. Avoid them as if they have Ebola. Next time don’t pick one that needs to be the star of “fixer upper”.
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post #42 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
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Well, I didn't mean anything I said to criticize you, I want you to know that. And I definitely didn't mean that your wife doesn't have major faults (no matter what MrM thinks I meant :-P). But go back and read your first post in the "Got What I Asked For" thread -- your FIRST post...I sense from some of the things you hinted at that you probably weren't as caring to your wife as she needed.

And then at least twice you said this was karma for how carelessly you treated women before her...I was thinking of that too, when I said you needed to look at what YOUR part in all this was, so you don't repeat it. Because it's possible that not many women would have stayed with you the way you described your relationship before you married. Maybe they wouldn't have found another guy, but they might still have left you for good and not wanted you back.

And you said it hurt that she broke her promises to you, but in your first post on that other thread, it sounded like you might have broken some promises that you made her as well.

All I wanted to do was make you think about what happened from a different perspective, and take steps to be a better partner next time - NOT that you deserved anything or are fully at fault!
Yes I understood your point and definitely didn’t take it as you were trying to criticize. I also want to make clear that the karma part I meant was when I was in my late teen, very early adult hood stage and didn’t take relationships serious at all. Didn’t want a ltr wasn’t even something that crossed my mind. So I was meaning along the way I’m sure a lot of hearts got broke by girls who may have taken things serious. Sure as hell doesn’t compare to the heart break of a marriage with children involved but I guess I was just trying to think of any excuse I could to justify this happening.

You are correct that I wasn’t as caring as I should have been. I can’t deny that. However I feel if two people want to make it work they will. If I forgave her for cheating and also was willing to work through the things I felt she was lacking in, I figured she was willing to do the same. Instead, as soon as things aren’t going her way she just bounces to the next man. Marriage takes a lot of work and I was willing to put that work in and go through hell and back to make things work if that’s what it took. I always thought that feeling was mutual but I was very wrong. My pride is hurt, ego crushed, trust destroyed. She just has completely broke me down and Ive never considered myself a weak man. It’s just that I grew up without a dad so I wanted more than anything to give my kids what I didn’t have, a mother and father. Her daughters father is a deadbeat loser so I took her daughter in as my own since she was a yr old. My son was also very young when he started being around her so he grew up to love her. Her daughter and my son are super close. Our daughter is the youngest and plays it off like she’s ok but I know she’s hurting. It isn’t just me she’s effected. Our family is just ripped apart. I know it’s common these days, but it sucks when it happens to you, it just really really sucks. I’m just so angry at her selfishness. If it was a relationship that couldn’t have been saved I’d be honest and say so, but I have heard older couples tell stories about what they’ve been through which has been far worse than anything in our marriage and they came out stronger than ever and been married 40-50yrs. That’s what I wanted! That’s what kills me is I thought I had a partner willing to go through whatever with me not run like a child at the first sight of a minor problem.
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post #43 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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You know ...... there are a lot of people in this world with problems. Like yeah...a bunch. In many cases it is not that persons fault. Some people are raised in a life of circumstances that led to things beyond their control. It doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person per se’ but it sure in the HELL can make them a terrible partner or a life long project that is unfixable.

What I’m getting at is: Project women are trouble. Avoid them as if they have Ebola. Next time don’t pick one that needs to be the star of “fixer upper”.
Trust me I’ve learned my lesson and it will be a LONG time before I pick one period. My daughter is a daddy’s girl and isn’t going to be stuck at my hip and very on guard for a while I can already tell. My son is hitting teenage years and doesn’t really mind much besides feeling bad for me but my focus is on them. My daughter primarily. I want her to get through all this and be ok. Right now I have to worry about this loser getting out of jail and being around the girls. You would think being what she’s been through she would give it time but no she’s already talking about getting a place with him when he gets out according to my step daughter. A guy she barely knows and majority of barely being jail visits and phone calls. How could you be a mother and just let some random guy around your daughters? I’m so pissed.
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post #44 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 04:55 PM
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Re: Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

You have a very valid concern with the convict boyfriend. You could see about having it written into the separation/divorce agreement that he (or anyone with such a record) is not allowed around YOUR kids. Sadly you wont have control over what she allows for her own daughter, but you can do your best to protect your own.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #45 of 81 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 05:28 PM
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Hope to get the thoughts out of your head

Stupid question but is there anyway you guys can work it out and stay together? It doesnít sound like you are done with her.

Also... I just wanted to mention something about the conversation you had with lisa about your faults. I can be moody and expressive too, and when I am I hate it when I am left alone. I understand that Iím not pleasant to be around but people need love the most when they arenít at their best. So hearing that your wife is asking for more affection and you try to avoid her when she is upset or in a mood breaks my heart for her. You canít have only the good in people. You canít have the good, and avoid her when sheís at her bad, then pop up when she is better and good again.

Last edited by Girl_power; 11-19-2019 at 05:38 PM.
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