— Yup, I’m the youngest of 2 kids; I’m 41, my sister is 49. And I pretty much love the words that you suggested I say. I feel like it would strike a chord in someone and make them realize what the heck they’re doing.
— I’m looking forward to seeing how things go on Monday with the therapist, and it’ll be nice to just feel a little more grounded again. And thanks, I feel like my SO and I are both pretty lucky to have found such a solid match in each other!
— Oh, you have no idea how much I’d love to see their reaction to those words! But, I don’t think that would go over very well, and it would probably be turned around to be my problem and would have to apologize for swearing at them. But, it would be amusing!
— I’ve thought about doing this too, and I know that my sister has as well. It’s stressful when you’re in a situation that you feel like you can’t get out of, and sometimes it would just be nice to avoid it altogether. Good for your friend for standing up and taking action! I hope it doesn’t come to this for me, but at this point, I’m ready to walk if I need to.
— Yes, but in this case, my family is clueless about how they are to me. I’ve tried to talk to them about it in the past, but am usually told that it’s “all in my head”. So, at this point, me saying that I’m not attending Christmas would probably be viewed as me throwing a hissy fit or being immature. I don’t want that added drama. I’ll go and employ the tips that I get from here and the therapist. I’ve never stood up for myself towards them (with success), and would like to try that again before giving up completely.
— I’m sorry that you’ve come from a similar family dynamic; it’s pretty effed up, hey? And yes, I realize some of the stuff they’ve inflicted that still hurts to this day, but here’s the thing that I try to remember: they did the best they could with the information that they had at the time. No one is perfect. BUT, what would be really nice is if they as well as my sister would own the stuff they’ve done and said. Take ownership, realize that it was wrong and apologize.
, I’m hoping that the therapist can help out with how to handle things. She certainly was a big help before my separation!
, I would love to have the strength to do what you suggest, but at this point, I don’t. I’m at the point where I would still like to have a relationship with them, but know that there’s a chance this can’t/won’t happen, and at that point, I’ll be left with no choice but to walk away. My parents have done a lot to me but have also done a lot FOR me, and I would rather try to repair the relationship while they’re still alive. I love them all very much, but at times, I really don’t like them much.
— Yours is the tactic that I’m hoping will eventually work for my own family, but time will tell. I still find it really hard to just not react. Christmas will be spent in another province, where my sister lives, and my dogs and I will be travelling with my parents, so there’s not really an “out” if I want one, but could just walk away and go to the room I sleep in. Sadly, I’ve known my SO’s family for a very short time, and already feel more welcome in their family than I do in my own. And yes, thick skin is something that I need to grow! Merry (early) Christmas to you as well :-)
Thanks for the replies, guys. I’ll keep you updated on what the therapist says.