I'm wondering if your wife is on birth control pills or any form of birth control that deliver the same types of hormones as the pills? Those hormones kill a woman's sex drive, so that might explain things.
I'm also wondering if she enjoys having sex. I know you try to please her, and I know she told you that she orgasms, but there's more involved. Sometimes (a lot of times, actually) women orgasm by a certain way, but they don't enjoy the other aspects of the session (I'll explain what I mean if you want me to). So, I'm wondering how does she behave during intercourse? Is it during intercourse that she orgasms, or does she orgasm before intercourse? I think "I don't like change" is just an excuse. We women formulate all kinds of excuses to avoid doing what we don't want to do. But generally, people don't avoid doing what they enjoy doing. I'm going to ask you to read my response here
and apply those techniques the next time you and she have sex. I don't know if you need this, so it's only a suggestion. Try it and see if you notice a difference in the way she responds and if she becomes more willing to increase the frequency. Tweak the methods according to her responses and her preferences.
I would say you are pressuring her too much. Where sex is concerned, women don't like to feel pressured into it. The more you talk about it, the more you think you can do things to make her want to have sex, the more you flirt with her, the more you want her to go to marriage counseling, all these things you are doing to get her to have sex with you more often, she knows that is your motive, and she doesn't appreciate you pressuring her like that. Even if she wanted to have sex more often, you pressuring her is only turning her off and making her more repulsed by the idea of sex with you. And you're making yourself disgusting to her.
I really wouldn't like some of the things you say. It appears you have the wrong attitude about marriage and your wife. One is that you have changed, and so you expect her to change. You want more, so you expect her to give it to you. You have been "shaking things up" and trying to make her go along with your new program. She doesn't like change, but you keep trying to make her change. I really think you have the wrong attitude. Stop thinking you can earn sex. You can't think it a good idea to buy sex from your wife. She's not a prostitute. And stop thinking she owes it to you to change. This is your thing. Not hers and it doesn't have to be hers.
But I do think you have a very healthy attitude as far as pleasing her and wanting her to be happy (but if it's just so you can get sex, then it's not a healthy attitude.) You think of her happiness and do things to make her happy (just stop thinking that doing the dishes is for HER because it's really for you. You can't buy a lawnmower and a drill and call them her birthday present). She should feel the same about you and do the same for you. I'm not saying she's terrible if she doesn't. I'm just saying both parties should understand that each other and the relationship should be their first priority, and they have to nurture it. She doesn't know that, so she needs to learn it. But you can't be the one to teach her or discuss with her. It has to come from someone else.
I have heard of some guys (only a few, so don't get your hopes up) having success after their wife reads this site, The Forgiven Wife
. The site is Christian-based and I don't know if your wife is a religious woman, but the concepts are universal. There are lots of articles and resources, so there may be something that appeals to your wife's heart. It's certainly worth a try. But since you know she doesn't like talking about sex, do not try to discuss this site with her. When you present it to her, say something like "I'm not trying to pressure you. I want to strengthen our bond as a married couple and have a stronger connection. I will do what you need me to do to make you feel loved, so please tell me what I can do. For me to feel loved, I am asking you to read this blog site." Whatever you say, please say it to her gently and lovingly.