What should dad do? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 02:54 PM Thread Starter
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What should dad do?

Lynn married at 17 had a baby girl at 18 and a baby boy at 20. Had an affair resulting in an acrimonious divorce at 27. Remarried to a high earning but sterile man at 29. He told her he was sterile and they never used contraception the whole time they were married. At 37 she died in childbirth and her husband is obviously not the dad and does not want the baby. They were living in the same house but separate lives when she died.

The two older children lived with their dad who got custody when they were old enough to choose and chose him.

Lynnís 19 year old daughter wants the baby whom she correctly calls her sister. Social Services are considering allowing her to look after the baby, but because she still lives with her dad and his wife, dad says no, advises that if she wants to keep her mum's baby she must find a place of her own. The wife, a professional person with no children of her own, does not mind whichever decision her husband makes as it is his children.

What should dad do? Let the baby come to his house or chuck his daughter out?

What is the baby's relationship with this dad seeing he is the father to its siblings but was born after the divorce s cannot be step dad.? What is he?

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post #2 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 03:28 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

He isn't anything to the baby other than a man who either has a heart or doesn't. But I have to say I don't really blame him. It would be a hard decision for any man to make.

Bob Geldof adopted his ex wife's love child. He felt it was the right thing to do since she was the sibling of his three daughters, so they should all be raised in the same household.

I also had a friend who took in her boyfriend's 3 love kids. I thought she was incredibly stupid to stay with that guy but also incredibly generous and loving to be so good to the kids. She wanted all of the kids to grow up together.
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post #3 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 03:50 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

The biological father should be found so he can provide child support.

Even if it's not needed the money can go into a college fund, but given the circumstances there is a large probability it will be needed.

He can likely be discovered by checking her cell phone records, possibly with a court order?

These cases are difficult, this is similar to my life story.
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post #4 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 05:32 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

This..,
Lynnís 19 year old daughter wants the baby whom she correctly calls her sister. Social Services are considering allowing her to look after the baby, but because she still lives with her dad and his wife, dad says no, advises that if she wants to keep her mum's baby she must find a place of her own.

It's not the baby's fault nor is it the XH.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #5 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 05:47 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

The nineteen year old daughter has a good heart but she is too young to be thinking about raising a child whether itís her sister or not. She should be thinking about her future, maybe going to college and her father knows that him and his wife will end up raising the child who is not a blood relative to either of them.
In my opinion he is correct to insist that his daughter moves out of his house if she adopts the baby.His parenting days are over and his current wife may eventually resent the baby who will be a reminder of her husbands ex wife and he himself will be constantly reminded of his cheating first wife.

When someone says itís not the money itís the principle,itís always the money.
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post #6 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 07:16 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

Nothing. Itís not his fight as long as he doesnít want it to be.
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post #7 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 07:30 PM
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Re: What should dad do?

The man should do what he believes in the best interest of his family.


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post #8 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 12:03 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

It's a hard decision to make but the man can be philanthropic to give in to her daughter's wish. There's absolutely nothing attaching him to the newborn.

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post #9 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 12:47 AM
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Tough call. I agree with all logical possibilities previously mentioned. A good friend of mine took in her ex-husband's brother's little boy at two years old a year ago. Mother had died from an overdose and father went to jail for drugs. That poor little boy was living in filthy conditions and was openly exposed to cocaine and heroin. Her and her husband have legal guardianship and get some support from the state. Her and her husband's children are all 18 and older. Why did she take him in? She wanted to see him live a normal and happy childhood and didn't want to see another child slip through the cracks of our system. I give her all the credit in the world for taking on that huge responsibility....but she has a big circle of friends that all help out...😄
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post #10 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 02:51 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

Dad lost his cheating wife but regained her ghost in her son's face.

Some sins live on in perpetuity.
A sin must be atoned in this life or the next, or the next...

When a tree loses a limb, later the trunk, the roots still live on.
At worst, they continually consume, steal of life's sweet water, with no green shoots, ever seen to bloom again.

Or, so it sometimes, seems.

The sin is atoned when fire burns all its holdings, turns all to ashes, this becomes food for the new acorns.

No, the child should not be taken in. It has the remaking of that past sin.


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post #11 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 03:29 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

What an amazing 19 year old, I hope that someone will give her some support unlike her own father who wants to basically throw them both out. Disgusting.
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post #12 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 10:12 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

I could not take in my XW's love child ever and just as Sun c in his way explains it best. And because of my daughter I had with the X wanted to raise a child from another affair of my X while she was married. Is more than I could ever do. Their is adoption for the children not that l am heartless but, would be a reminder of a cheating wife as long as l live. It's life in my world.

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post #13 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 12:29 PM
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I find it odd that social services would allow a 19 year old custody of a child in which that 19 year old cant support herself. It seems more plausible that her father would have no choice but to be directly involved with parenting a child he has absolutely no relation with. He knows his daughter and probably realizes that at her age HE would end up becoming the primary caregiver for said child. Having 19 y.o. children of my own and knowing how limited their life experience is, I cant say I blame him for not wanting to take on the burden of a child he has nothing to do with.
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post #14 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-17-2019, 07:06 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

Great. He lost his wife to cheating and now he risks losing his daughter.

And has the second husband been checked for DNA?

I knew one man who told everyone that he was sterile and he believed it himself.

Only he wasn't sterile and fathered twins.


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post #15 of 74 (permalink) Old 11-17-2019, 09:10 AM
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Re: What should dad do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaiChi View Post
Lynn married at 17 had a baby girl at 18 and a baby boy at 20. Had an affair resulting in an acrimonious divorce at 27. Remarried to a high earning but sterile man at 29. He told her he was sterile and they never used contraception the whole time they were married. At 37 she died in childbirth and her husband is obviously not the dad and does not want the baby. They were living in the same house but separate lives when she died.

The two older children lived with their dad who got custody when they were old enough to choose and chose him.

Lynn’s 19 year old daughter wants the baby whom she correctly calls her sister. Social Services are considering allowing her to look after the baby, but because she still lives with her dad and his wife, dad says no, advises that if she wants to keep her mum's baby she must find a place of her own. The wife, a professional person with no children of her own, does not mind whichever decision her husband makes as it is his children.

What should dad do? Let the baby come to his house or chuck his daughter out?

What is the baby's relationship with this dad seeing he is the father to its siblings but was born after the divorce s cannot be step dad.? What is he?
1)What should dad do?

Just what he wants to do.


2)Let the baby come to his house or chuck his daughter out?

I thought this daughter was grown with her own career? Why is she still there at home when she has a life of her own? He isn't chucking anyone out. She's using him. Time for her to get her own life and be an adult who visits dad and step mom once in a while.



3)What is the baby's relationship with this dad seeing he is the father to its siblings but was born after the divorce s cannot be step dad.?

Only what he wants it to be. He owes this child nothing.


4)What is he?

The father of the two half sisters of the orphan girl.


I think he is doing the right thing, if that's what he wants. He may over time accept the orphan as nice little young person who his daughter deeply cares about and the love might run over onto her.

One thing you don't say a word about is the father of the orphan. Is he dead? Are they looking for him? Do they know who he is? Can they find out? That guy is the *******, not this guy you are asking about. That guy needs to be responsible for his actions. He needs to at the very least, pay for his daughter's living, at least in part. My thinking is, he needs to pay it all. He's the only parent she has. Go find him and force him through the courts to pay. This is bull**** making this guy in the op out to be like the bad guy. That's worse than wrong.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson
"Youth is wasted on the young". - George Bernard Shaw

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