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post #46 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 02:43 PM
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post #47 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 03:08 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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No, lonely is not the word, bored is why I visited, and I mentioned that in my first post. Lonely implies seeking "somone" imo. I just find things to do. I think I mentioned here before that I get bored. Only responses were "do voluneer work" or "join a club".... I mostly stay busy fixing things for people for free.
You are quick to dismiss the two suggestions but fixing things for people for free isn't the same as volunteering at a place where it is really needed. You are fixing those things for people you know. I'd call them friends but you seem to dismiss that they are friends and just using you. Have you looked inward as to why you feel this way?

Also helping animals, orphans and other people in need, truly in need. That's something entirely different that helping out someone you think is using you. But wallow if you must it won't help you or make you feel better and will make getting to 69 miserable. Sure a life of leisure always sounds good. I personally avoid the 3 birthday things and such but I still want people in my life. A counselor might call me and my husband terribly co-dependent as we don't choose to have any or too many 'real' friends. We'd never choose a girls/boys night out over spending time with each other. We don't play the game where we try to balance the whole world. But we do enjoy getting together with the other family occasionally. We do enjoy bowling once a week on a team. And in our leisure time we enjoy taking up mutual hobbies or supporting each other in individual hobbies. Spending time together and yes when needed wiping the others ass. Taking them to the doctor. To each his own but I'm happy and wouldn't trade my life for any amount of money/ younger man/ abs/ what have you. Not even for my youth back. That's why I think people get married they want what I have, to be truly happy with what you have. To know that you aren't facing the future alone. To have one person that you think is the most special person in the world and that person happens to be yours and to have someone in turn that values you. After that it really doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks cause the best person you know is on your side.

I wish that for everyone. I am acutely aware that most never find it. It's awesome though and worth trying to find.
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post #48 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 03:28 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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No, lonely is not the word, bored is why I visited, and I mentioned that in my first post. Lonely implies seeking "somone" imo. I just find things to do. I think I mentioned here before that I get bored. Only responses were "do voluneer work" or "join a club".... I mostly stay busy fixing things for people for free.





I did not visit to "bash women". I have my own personal views of them, and I realize there are several anomalies that exist. I am certain I would just start a verbal fist fight for sharing my irrelevant views anyway.



What has occurred to me is all the extra time I have. I don't have to wipe child noses, take a woman to her 500 doctor appts, go to family functions, birthdays, etc, etc, etc. My god, I get stressed just thinking about it. Its funny when a friend says "oh we have 3 birthdays to get to today, and still have to get the grass mowed, what are you doing today?" I get to reply with "sleep most of the day, then maybe do a light jog with my dog"



I just don't think people today even see the bussle they try to handle on the daily, and for no real reason at all.



Though I have realized doing everything alone can suck, the alternative is be psycho busy with "life". I usually just need someone to hold something, a tape measure, or whatever. It crosses my mind when working by myself many miles from anyone. If something happens to me, I am pretty well screwed, but I guess life is a gamble. I think old age is what might pull people together most. You break a hip, you better have someone around to wipe your azz, or plenty of cash to hire that done..... I am just praying on family history that i don't have to ride the bull that long. grandpa died at 69.


Are you happy Bob? Thatís all matters.

Relationships bring joy to peoples lives. And relationships take sacrifices. It sounds like you donít want the negative that comes with having relationships. You canít have the positive without the negative. So you are deciding to live a boring quiet life without the ups and downs of relationships.
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post #49 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 05:13 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

Bob...you might as well go hang out in an ER and complain about sick people. I donít understand the point of your thread.


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post #50 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 06:19 PM
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Bob, its a giant trade off. You can go through life single, occupy your time with gaming, sports, hobbies, only forced to attend your parents holiday dinners and so forth. You can probably get a dog, have a few good friends and maybe a sex doll to take the edge off. She will never talk back or say no, but cleanup is a *****.

Or you can get a wife or live in partner these days (if she lets you get away with that!). She will probably want to pop some kids out. All that disposable income you had as a single adult vanishes...you literally get paid and 3 days later its gone! Its really strange, you think two incomes is more but it never is.

It all seems really depressing. Snotty nosed kids and a wife that no longer puts out. She may even start mounting Jimmy from work behind your back and that always costs a fortune one way or another.

But, uhm...what was I saying?
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post #51 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 06:48 PM
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Bob, its a giant trade off. You can go through life single, occupy your time with gaming, sports, hobbies, only forced to attend your parents holiday dinners and so forth. You can probably get a dog, have a few good friends and maybe a sex doll to take the edge off. She will never talk back or say no, but cleanup is a *****.

Or you can get a wife or live in partner these days (if she lets you get away with that!). She will probably want to pop some kids out. All that disposable income you had as a single adult vanishes...you literally get paid and 3 days later its gone! Its really strange, you think two incomes is more but it never is.

It all seems really depressing. Snotty nosed kids and a wife that no longer puts out. She may even start mounting Jimmy from work behind your back and that always costs a fortune one way or another.

But, uhm...what was I saying?
What is sad is that it's a lose/lose no matter what you do
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post #52 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 07:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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What is sad is that it's a lose/lose no matter what you do
What is sad to me is this "dream" is sold by the select few that happen to stumble into a decent partner that they are actually attracted to. It is RARE. So rare that I am willing to bet only a few % of marriages are actually "happy". The rest would probably say "its better than being single"..... Is it? I know a LOT of women that just want "a husband"..... That is pretty pathetic if you ask me. And I also know some pretty desperate guys too. They are the ones that whistle and cat call, thinking that somehow works. It might......on a hooker, with STDs.....


So you have those people that like to upsell this "dream" and others convinced they "need one too"......

It seriously is like the lottery. About a fraction of a % of actually being "happy until death", but even people in this thread convinced their "wonderful life" will always be......lol I don't wish anyone bad fate but this site is a wonderful place where people's chit storms get painted on the wall. "I thought we had this perfect life, then I find out my partner has been cheating for years, living a double life, is a man*****, etc, etc. "

Upsidedown, the way you solve the "attachment problems" is have several on the hook. Don't hook up with any that live very close. Play them in a sequence. Never get in a situation where you have to talk about feelings, the future, life, etc. If you spend too much time with one, they will attach and want to be your "everything"....which is in the moment, and does not imply "forever"....
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post #53 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 07:23 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

You have a crappy outlook on life in general and relationships in particular.

Consider professional help. Oh, yeah - almost forgot - lol.

Meh.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #54 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-01-2019, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Numb26 View Post
What is sad is that it's a lose/lose no matter what you do
What is sad to me is this "dream" is sold by the select few that happen to stumble into a decent partner that they are actually attracted to. It is RARE. So rare that I am willing to bet only a few % of marriages are actually "happy". The rest would probably say "its better than being single"..... Is it? I know a LOT of women that just want "a husband"..... That is pretty pathetic if you ask me. And I also know some pretty desperate guys too. They are the ones that whistle and cat call, thinking that somehow works. It might......on a hooker, with STDs.....


So you have those people that like to upsell this "dream" and others convinced they "need one too"......

It seriously is like the lottery. About a fraction of a % of actually being "happy until death", but even people in this thread convinced their "wonderful life" will always be......lol I don't wish anyone bad fate but this site is a wonderful place where people's chit storms get painted on the wall. "I thought we had this perfect life, then I find out my partner has been cheating for years, living a double life, is a man*****, etc, etc. "

Upsidedown, the way you solve the "attachment problems" is have several on the hook. Don't hook up with any that live very close. Play them in a sequence. Never get in a situation where you have to talk about feelings, the future, life, etc. If you spend too much time with one, they will attach and want to be your "everything"....which is in the moment, and does not imply "forever"....
Well, Bob, honestly I think people are too damn picky about the opposite sex meeting their criteria. No one is that much of a prize.

I don't know about attachment problems, but I had about 2 or 3 things that I felt important and mostly to do with a partner that I could respect with good moral values and that I could have a good time with.

Too many people have this wishlist and its like those Seinfeld episodes where they break up with someone because they ate their pizza with a fork or something. Those who view people with a microscope just need to buy 40 cats and get on with it. People overanalyze it...does she make me happy...does she have my back...is she all mine. Thats it. Thank God for what you have and don't covet another.

But if you want simple, no drama, sleeping in, staying single is where its at. Its definately not a bad thing if it makes you happy and you don't feel you are simply frittering away time.
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post #55 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 11:12 AM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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Mr. Married is a prime example of outward showcasing. It all works great until that one foundation brick crumbles. Seen and heard it many times. People are all "he/she is so great. I am so lucky, I am so blessed, yada yada".... Then next week there is a scandal and they are circling the drain. What is typical is the woman is SOOOO happy because the man has a good job, brings her plenty of cash, doesn't make her work.... Then the day comes that he loses his job and cannot find one even close to his previous overpaid salary. She first acts like it will be OK, but once they sell her new Escalade, she starts doing some thinking.....

But this is the same for men. They work until they get in a good financial position, buy some fancy stuff, then women check him out, and he just can't pass up the temptation. Get a few hookers on the side.
We were actually paycheck to paycheck for the first 13 years of marriage, but did however hit the jackpot once I started working overseas.

Mrs.Married worked our first five years of marriage and now is back to work now that the kids are off to college.

I've been surrounded by easy a$$ since my first day overseas ÖÖ.. no temptation Ö.. not even close.

You can find the good and bad in anything in life. It all just depends on how you look at it. I have people that I work with from Bali that live in huts and are perfectly happy and content people.
I then come back to the United States and hear people complain they had to wait a couple extra seconds for their internet page to load up. Perspective is everything.

And lastly Ö. Mrs.Married drives a BMW X5 not an Escalade.

I must be part of the female world domination slave system because I just hung Christmas lights on the house at her request.

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post #56 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 11:21 AM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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I am willing to bet only a few % of marriages are actually "happy". The rest would probably say "its better than being single"..... Is it? I know a LOT of women that just want "a husband"..... That is pretty pathetic if you ask me. And I also know some pretty desperate guys too.
.
While your outlook is garbage I'm going to AGREE with you that a lot of marriages are indeed not so great....perhaps not even acceptable ...but they stay together.


I have a phrase that I like to use for this: CONVENIANT MISERY

It is very very very easy to just do nothing. Most people don't want to put in the effort or take the risk. That is why they stay in their less than good marriage.
Most people are lazy in relationships Ö. just like at work.


Convenient: The requirement of little or no effort.
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post #57 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:41 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

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Believe it or not, I understand. That's what I've been seeing out there. Your thread is a sort of confirmation.


Here's a good question. Is it considered abnormal enough that if you are the 'old-fashioned' or 'romantic" type, a counselor would see you as codependent? Just occurred to me. I don't expect you to know.
Definitely a counselor would see them as codependent.

Years back I read an article by an old psychologist discussing the issue.

What was once considered part of a normal healthy relationship has been twisted into a disorder or unhealthy dependency issue.


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post #58 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
Believe it or not, I understand. That's what I've been seeing out there. Your thread is a sort of confirmation.


Here's a good question. Is it considered abnormal enough that if you are the 'old-fashioned' or 'romantic" type, a counselor would see you as codependent? Just occurred to me. I don't expect you to know.
Definitely a counselor would see them as codependent.

Years back I read an article by an old psychologist discussing the issue.

What was once considered part of a normal healthy relationship has been twisted into a disorder or unhealthy dependency issue.
It's the brave new world. Where traditional relationships are viewed as abnormal
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post #59 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
Believe it or not, I understand. That's what I've been seeing out there. Your thread is a sort of confirmation.


Here's a good question. Is it considered abnormal enough that if you are the 'old-fashioned' or 'romantic" type, a counselor would see you as codependent? Just occurred to me. I don't expect you to know.
Definitely a counselor would see them as codependent.

Years back I read an article by an old psychologist discussing the issue.

What was once considered part of a normal healthy relationship has been twisted into a disorder or unhealthy dependency issue.
I would say there is an unhealthy amount of non co-dependency in marriage. People ready to hop any hiccup or opportunity comes along. The modern day Walk Away Wife Syndrome is an example of this.
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post #60 of 83 (permalink) Old 12-02-2019, 12:54 PM
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Re: What a bleak picture to relationships this forum brings....lol

@bobsmith finally finished reading it all, and I understand your point.


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